【办公室 全九季】4K超清修复无删减完整版

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办公室第一季1-6

All right Jim your quarter leaves Look very good How are things going at the library Oh i told you Couldn't close it So so you've come to the master for guidance is this What you're saying grasshopp on uh Actually You call me in here But yeah All right Well Let me show you How it's done Yes I'd like to speak your office manager Please yes Hello This is michael scott I am the regional manager of dunder mifflin Paper products just wanted to talk to you Manager A manager All right Done deal Thank you Very much sir You're a gentleman and a scholar Oh i'm sorry Okay I'm sorry My mistake That was a a woman I was talking to So she had a very low voice Probably uh smoker So hh So that's the way It's done I've uh I've been at dunder mifflin for twelve years The last four as regional manager uh When i come through here Ah see we have the entire floor So this is my kingdom far as the I can say ah This is our receptionist Pam Pam besily uh Pam has been with us um for forever Right pm Well I don't know if you think she's cute now You should have seen her a couple of years ago Right What uh Any messages um Yeah Just a fax Oh and this is from corporate How many times have i told you that There's a special filing cabinet for things from corporate You haven't called the wastpaper basket Hhhhha ha ha ha ha ha ha Look at that hhhgod Oh look at that face people say I am the best boss They go god We've never worked in a place like this before you're hilarious And you get the best out of us um I think that pretty much sums it up I found it it Spencer gifts I want no gifts for you Pm pm pum pum Pdu du du du du du My job is to speak to clients Um on the phone about uh quantities And u a type of copier paper You know uh Whether we can supply it to them Whether they can uh pay for it And Ah i'm i'm boring myself Just talking about this What a wa I still love that after seven years What up What's up 我在 我在啊 What nothing in Okay All right See you later All right Take care back to work I hit just try to read them Sometimes there I don't know just before lunch that was great corporate Really doesn't interfere with me at all um Jan levinson gold and hello y I call her hillary rodham Clinton Right not to her face Because uh well Not Because i'm scared of her Because i'm not But um yeah All right was there anything You wanted to add to the agenda E mino get in agenda I'm wait I'm sorry I didn't get any agenda Well I fax went over to you This morning Really Because i didn't I didn't did we get a fax This morning Uh yeah The one did the bread white Why isn't in my hand Right um So what's a problem pam Why i didn't wanna get it You put it in the garbage Can that was a special filing cabinet Yeah Uh that was a joke that was a joke That was actually my brothers And it was hh was supposed to be with bills And it doesn't work great with faculs Yyi would thank you Okay Since the last meeting allan And the board have decided that We can't justify as grandon brch And a stanford branch Okay No Michael Don't pay No No no no no This is good This is fine listen Okay Don't panic all the arm bells are going going on We haven't made any decisions I'm spoken to josh And stanford I've told him The same as you And it's up to either You are him to convince me That your branch can incorporate the other Okay No problem It does However mean that there's going to be downsizing me No want to hear that jan And i wouldn't wish that on josh's men I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men or women present company Excluded Sorry Uh is josh concerned about downsizing himself Not downsizing himself But is he concerned about downsizing Ha ha ha ha ha ha question How long do we have to act Oh uh Todd packer Terrific rap Do you mind If i take it on heckman There You be queen Oh that's not appropriate Hey Good old Godzillary coming into it I don't know i don't know you mean Look I've been meted to ask her one A question does the carpet vegetdrape Oh my god oh哦对 Sorry Fying horrible Horrible person So do you think we could keep a lid on this for now I don't want to worry people unnecessary No absolutely under this regime it will not leave this office Just like that So what does downsizhe actually mean Well You guys gotta update your resumes Just like i'm doing I bet It's gonna be me Probably It's gonna be me Yeah It'll be you I have an important question for you Yes Oh are you going to angel's cap party on sunday Yes Stop that is ridiculous am I gonna tell them No I'm not going to tell them I don't see the point of that as a doctor You would not tell a patient If they had cancer Hey Shawn Hey This is miscott Guilty goodshan Ryan uh howard from the temp agency Uhh The equsent me down to start today Howard like uh moo Howard Three huges watches this This is moo 呐呐呐呐呐 嗯咩哈哈 Uh right here these shoes high five Oh pm It's a guy thing pam I'm sort of a student of comedy I'm handler It'll flgroom forget out I don't think it would be the worst thing If they let me go Because then i might I just I don't think it's many little girls dream to be a receptionist Um I like to do illustrations Um Mostly watercolor Few oil pencil um Jim thinks They're good dunder mitfn This is pam sure uh Mr davis Let me call you right back Yeah Something just came up two minutes Thank you very much boy What are you doing What What are you doing Clearing my desk I can't concentrate It's not on your desk It's overlapping It's all spilling over the edge One word two Syllables Demarcation You can't do that or not safety violation I could fall and pierce an organ We'll see This is what the whole downsizing thing Just doesn't bother me I'm tizing downsizing I have no problem with that I have been recommending downsizing Since i first got here I even brought it up in my interview I say bring it on You just still have these messages from Yesterday Relax Everything's under control Oh uh yuh yyoh That's important right Oh this is so important I should run to answer it shut ta ta ta ta打打打打打杀他 打打打打打打打打杀他 他打打打打打打打 杀他打打打打杀他 啪啪啪啪啪啪 沙发啪嗒啪嗒 沙发大大大的 走 沙发都被打开 Haha six billion dollar man Steve auston Actually that would be a good salary for me Don't you think six million dollars Memoto jam I deserve a raise Don't we all I'm sorry There's nothing If you're uh unhappy with your compensation Maybe you should take it up with hr Okay Not today Okay Hey I'm just be professional I think i'm a role model here I think i garner people's respect attention I'll done to mile of employees Please we have a meeting in the conference room A assap people I respect heroes of mine Would be bob Hope um abraham Lincoln definitely bono Uh and probably god would be the fourth one And i i just think all those people Really uh helped the world in so many ways that It's um It's really beyond words It's really in calculate couple Now I know there are some rumors out there And i just kind of want to set the records I'm assistant regional manager I should know first assistant to the regional manager Okay Um can you just tell me Please just tell me quietly Whispered in my ear Just about please hell everyone Okay Please Okay Do you want me to tell them now You don't know what it is a So can you tell them with my permission I don't need permission Granted go ahead Corporate has deemed it Appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me And jan is thinking about downsizing either The stamford branch or this branch I heard they might be closing this branch down That's just hey That's just the room of going around this is my first day I don't really know Yeah But michael what if they downsize here Not gonna happen Could be out of your hands Michael It won't be out of my hands Stanley Okay I promise you that Oh can you promise that on his mother's grave Well No no Well Yeah It is a promise and frankly I'm a little bit insulted that you have to keep asking about it It's just that we need to know Yeah I know i pull on a second I think pam wanted to say something pam You uh had a look that you wanted to ask a question Just then I was in the meeting with jan And she did say that It could be this branch that gets the axe Are you sure about that Well Pam um Maybe you should stick to the the ongoing confidentiality Yeah Agreement of meetings Pam information is power So so you can't say for sure Whether It's gonna be us Or then can no No Stanley No You did not see me in there with her I said if uh If corporate wants to come in here And interfere then They're gonna have to go through me Right You know you can go mess with josh's people But i'm the head of this family And you ain't going to be messing with my chilling If i left What would i do with all This useless information in my head You know tonnage price of manila folders Um P's favorite flavor of yogurt Which is mixed perry Jim said mixed berries Oh wow Yeah He's on to me Um ha woo watch out for this guy White in the building This is ryan The new temp so nice to me Introduce yourself People like uh Do white troot assistant Regional manager Assistant to the regional manager So uh dwight tell them about the uh The kung fu and the uh car and everything Yeah I got a uh seventy Eight two Eighty z I bought it for twelve Hundred fix steps now with three grand that is his profit Yeah Uh new engine suspension And i got a respackets and photos 嗯do it jim okay Hold on hold on judges in session What is a problem here You put my stuff in jello again Ha ha ha ha ha That's real professional Thanks this is third time And it wasn't unny The first three times i djim It's okay here uh But people sometimes take advantage Because it's so relaxed I'm a volunteer Sheriff deputy on the weekends And you cannot screw around there It's sort of one of the roles What is that it's my staple No no Do not take it out If to eat it out of there Because they're starving people in the world And which i hate And it is a waste of that kind of Okay You know what you can be a witness Can you recommend him Please How you know it with me It's always you are you gonna Discipline him Or not do discipline Kinki All right Here's the deal you guys thing about a practical Joke Is that you have to know when to start As well As when to stop Yeah And yeah And jim Now is the time to stop Putting dwight's personal effects into jello Okay Do it I'm sorry Because i have always been your biggest Flan ha ha ha ha nice That's the way It is around here Just kind of going around it right You are you should have put him in custody Oh hey Yes New guys Hey Cores Okay That's great I guess uh What i'm most concerned with is uh Damage to company property That's all Pudding pudding I'm trying to think another dessert to do Do you like uh going out at the end week for din Yeah Oh that's That's Why we're all going out So that we can have an end of the week Train wit When are we going out I know tonight hopefully Okay How about what you do Hey man Hey Come on baby Hey Uh Royis My fiance We've been engaged about um about three years And uh We were supposed to get married in september But i think we're gonna get married in the spring Do you mind If i go out for a drink with these guys Oh no come on Let's get out of here go home Okay Um I'm gonna be a few minutes So util twenty past five I still have to do my faxes You know what you should uh You should come with us Because we're you know We're all going out And it could be a good chance for you to see If people are like outside of the office Yeah I i think it could be fun No it sounds sounds good Oh no Seriously We got to get going Yeah Um what's in the uh What's in the ba Still i talked to that no Definitely All right Dude awesome We'll do Do i think i'll be invited to the wedding So uh have you felt the vibe Yet We work hard We play hard Sometimes we play hard We should be working hard Right um I guess the uh The atmosphere that i've created here Is that I'm a friend First and a boss Second Probably Yeah An entertainer third Just a second right Oh hey Do you uh Do you like the jamie Kennedy experiment and punked And all that kind of say Okay Um You were gonna be my accomplished Just go along with it Okay All right Just follow my lead Don't pint me all right Come in So uh Corporate just said that i don't want to Oh thank you Pam pam Could you come in here for a second Let's have a seat I was gonna call you in anyway Um You know ryan um as you know There is going to be downsizing And you have made my life So much easier in that i am going to have to Let you go first What Why why well Theft and stealing Stealing uum What what am I supposed to have stolen posted notes Posted notes What are those worth like fifty cents Fifty cents Yeah You steal a thousand post it notes at fifty cents a piece And you know you've made up profit Margin You know go run us out of business pan Are you serious Yeah I oh i can't believe this I mean I've never even stolen as much as a paper clip And now you're firing me But the best thing about it is that We're not gonna have to give you Any heavens pay Because that is gross misconduct And i just clean out your desk I'm sorry You an ex punk ha ha ha ha ha surprise It's a joke We were joking around see Okay He was in on it He was by accomplist And there was just kind of a morale booster thing And we were showing the new guy Around kind of kind of giving them The field the place So you god You were we totally got You're a jerk I don't know about that What is the most important thing for a company is it The cash flow is it The inventory nah It's the people The people My proudest moment here was not When i increased profits by seventeen percent Or when i cut expenses without losing a single employee No no no no no It was a young guatemalan guy First job in the country Barely spoke english came to me And said mr scott Would you be the godfather of my child 哇哦哇哦哇哦 Didn't work out in the end We had to let him go He sucked Hey How are you good I thought you were going out for a drink with Oh no No turn to you How's your headache It's better Thanks good Yeah That's great is uh Yeah Um Are you uh My walking out Yes I do you wanna Yeah Very great Let me just tell Oh roy Yeah Listen have a nice weekend Yeah Definitely you too Enjoy it I you not just do Hey Yeah Help you out here Oh i'm all set then gotcha good I go with the rose That's good idea Today is diversity day And someone's gonna come in And talk to us about diversity It's something that i've been pushing that I've been wanting to push for a long time And corporate mandated it And i i never actually talked to corporate about it Um They kind of beat me to the punch uh from bastards um But uh But i was going to And i think it's very important that we have this That's the thing It's very sturdy paper and on the back It says one hundred percent post Consumer content So what hello Aha Wait one I'm sorry Mr deckd I think i'm I think i'm lose I think i'm losing you Hello Yeah Hold on one second I don't know Hold on one second Do you really have to do that right now Yes I do i should have done This weeks ago Actually Mr decorate I'm sorry about that always can hold on one second Yeah Just one second Thanks Hello up That's it perfect So what i was saying Hello Nice to white retaliation Did it for ted It that is not the expression Well It should be This is my biggest sale of the year They love me over there for some reason I'm not really sure Why But you know i make one call over there Every year just to renew their account And that one call ends up being uh twenty five Percent of my commission for the whole year So you know i buy many bottles Champagne Celebrate a little And this year I'm pushing recycled paper on them for one percent more I know i'm getting cocky right Sollater Yeah Free s or six monci Know i saw that so the money Didn't you do it I'm saving that Because i like it When the cards go 薯条怎么弄的 Hey oscar How you doing man All right Did you Give a good weekend going there Oh yeah I bet it was fun Ha ha ha Oh hey This is oscar My martine is right See I don't even know first day basis Great uh We're all set Oh hey Well Diversity Everybody Let's do it oscar works in here Jim Can you uh wrap it up Please mr decker Please I It's diversity day Jimmy I wish every day was diversity day You know what um I'm actually gonna Have to call you back Thank you Sorry about that Thank you It's gonna man Thank you Great get the cars Get in the car Thank you Very much Okay Thanks for filling things out And i promise this will be quick at diversity today Our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations We believe that ninety nine Percent of the problems in the workplace Arise Simply out of ignorance You know what this is a color free zone here Stanley I don't look at you as another race Ah See that this is what i'm talking about We don't have to pretend that we're color black Exactly That's fighting ignorance with more ignorance No with more ignorance Right Exactly uh Instead we need to celebrate our diversity Let's celebrate right Okay Celebrate good times come on Let's celebrate diversity right Yes Exactly Now Here's what we're gonna Do uh I've noticed that u You know what here's what we're gonna Do Why don't we go around and everybody Everybody say a race that you are attracted to sexually I will go last go I have two nice white and indian Actually I prefer not to start that way Michael uh I would love to have your permission to run this session Can i have your permission Yes Thank you very much And it would also help me If you receded Okay Thank you Okay Now At the start of the session I had you write down an incident Uh that you found offensive in the workplace now What i'm going to Do is choose one And we're gonna act it out if two other ground rules Just So why don't you run it by me And i'll run it by him Okay Can we steer away from gay people Uh I'm sorry It's an orientation It's not a race plus A lot of other races are also intolerant of gaze So paradox Well We only have an hour Okay Why don't we just just for one save time Why don't we just defer no to mr Mr brown Ah Oh right Okay First test I will not call you that Well It's my name It's not a test Okay Um so looking for cards I've noticed that Maybe if you wrote down the same incident Which is ironic Because it's the the exact incident I was brought in here to respond to now How many of you are familiar with the Chris rock routine Oh very good Okay How come chris rock Can do a routine And everybody finds it Hilarious and groundbreaking Then i go And do the exact same routine Same Comedic timing and people file a complaint to corporate is it Because i'm white And chris is black So we're going to reenact this with a more positive outcome I will play the chris rock guy I would like to see someone else pull this off Well Let's have someone Who wasn't involved to the reenact me Okay Uh i will play guy Listening great guy Listening Okay Uh Anyone else remember I remember great You're the chris rock guy And you're a guy listening Okay Kevin is a great guy He's a great accountant He is not much of an entertainer Basically See every time The one type wants to have a good time Then the other type comes in And makes a real mess I'm Okay I'm I'm sorry I'm I'm sorry He's he's ruined He's butchering it I I'm could you just let me every time Every time I take care my kid is always one credit for something They supposed to do it What do you want cookie Now this is a simple acronym hero Uh at diversity today We believe it's very easy to be a hero All you need are honesty Empathy respect an open mind in this Excuse me Yeah I'm sorry But that's not all it takes to be a hero Okay Well What is a hero to you A hero kills people people that wish him harm Okay My hero is part human and part supernatural A hero is born out of a childhood Trauma or out of a disaster that must be avenged Okay Um You're thinking of a superhero We all have a hero in our heart Now I need you to take these forms This is kind of expresses The joint experience Uh We had today I want you to look them over and sign them as kind of a group Pledge I don't think i can sign this uh I can't leave until you do Well Okay I it says here that i learned something And i i knew all this stuff already So i could you know i could sign something That says that i taught something Whether i helped you teach something So pam Where's she pam could we change something on this umichael Can i can i talk to you Candidly sure we both know that I'm here Because of the comments that you made Here's the thing This office I think is very advanced in terms of uh Racial awareness And it's probably more advanced than you're used to um That's probably throwing you off a little It's not throwing me I need your signature Okay Well I know you told me that well Several times Yes But you're not listening to me Yours is the only signature I need Okay Those are my instructions from the Corporate offices to put you through this seminar for the comments That you made the only reason Why i made copies for everyone was So that you wouldn't be embarrassed Well here I am thinking that you actually cared about diversity training And and you don't don't worry about dating I Won't Okay Thank you Yep I regret my actions I regret offending my coworkers I pledged to bring My best spirit of honesty Empathy Respect and open mindedness Open mindness that even a word um into the workplace in this way I can truly be a hero Signed daffy duck He he he he He's gonna lose it When he reads that Yeah Hi is mr decket around Oh well Could you just have him call me after lunch Thank you Pledge to always keep an open mind and an open heart Do believe in that part of the pledge that i just read But a pledge come on I mean who are we the girl scouts No Look the um The guy Mr brown uh He got his halfway there He got us talking well No I got us talking He got us Nothing He uh insulted us And he abandoned us You call that diversity training I don't were there any connections between any of us Did anyone Look each other in the eye was there any emotion going on were no Where was the heart I didn't see any heart Where's my oprah moment Okay Get as much done as you can before lunch Because uh afterward I am going to have you all in tears All right Everybody pretty come on here We go it's time Let's do some good hey We're not all gonna sit in circle Indian style All right Get out uh So kno This is not a joke Okay Was offensive and lame so double offensive This is an environment of welcoming And you should just get the hell out of here Okay Let's go Let's do it come on Let's have some fun Everybody here We go take a seat Cp a squat and um Thank you for coming in um Is the cornerstone of progress As i've always said But don't take my word for it Let's take a look at the tape Hi i'm michael scott I'm in charge of dunder mifflin Paper products here in scrant in pennsylvania But i'm also the founder of diversity tomorrow Because today is almost over Abraham lincoln once said that if you're a racist I will attack you with the north And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace Okay Questions comments Anybody Jim uh Is that it uh Yes I only had an hour to put it together But i'm gonna add onto it later on it Was kind of hard to hear uh Yes That probably had something to do with the camera Work Body else um I have a customer meeting Yeah Well If you leave We'll only have two left Yes Enjoy absolutely namast Okay Well Since i am leading this Let's get down to business And why don't i just kind of introduce myself Okay Um i am michael And i am part english Irish German and scottish Sort of a a virtual united nations But what some of you might not know is that i am Also part native american indian What part native american two Fifteenth two fifthat's fraction doesn't make any sense Well be you know what it's kind of hard for me to talk about it They're suffering So who else Let's get this popping Come on Who's going Who's going ah Let's go here oscar Right here You're on Okay Michael um uh Both my parents were born in mexico And they moved to the united states A year before i was born Yeah So i grew up in the united states Wow Parser Mexican Wow That is that is a great story that the american dream Right there right Thank you Yeah Um Let me ask you is there a term Besides mexican that you prefer something less offensive Mexican isn't offensive Well And i certain connotations like What like What I don't well I don't know But what connotations Michael no No no There's no no Now remember i'm just curious honesty But yeah Um empathy respect jim jim I have something here I want you to take a card Put it on your fort Don't look at the card I want you to take the card And i want you to put it on your forehead And take a card Take a card Any card um And i want you to treat other people like the race That is on their forehead Okay So everybody has a different race Nobody knows what their race is So i want you to really go for it Because this is real You know This isn't just an exercise This is real life And i have a dream that you will really let the sparks fly get her done Why because martin luther king is a hero of mine There's this great chris rock b about How streets named after martin Luther king tend to be more violent I'm not gonna do it But it's oh this is a good one hi How are you fine How are you great push it um I admire your culture Success in america Thank you Guys Bom Bom bom come on Olympics of suffering Right here Slavery Versus Holocaust come on So mapposed to be no No no Well That that was an invert We didn't actually plan that lots of cultures Eat rice Doesn't help me um Shalom I'd like to apply for a loan That's nice white Okay Do me something stereotypical So i can get it really quick Okay I like your food Uh out backstakhouse on australian mate pam pam Come on I like your food Not come on stir the pot stir the melting pot bam Let's do it Let's get ugly Let's get real Okay If i have to do this based on stereotypes That are totally untrue But i do not agree with you Would maybe not be a very good driver Oh man am i a woman You'll notice I didn't have anybody be an arab I thought that would be too explosive But uh no pun intended But i just thought too Soon for arabs Maybe next year um You know the balls in their court Are you watching chipa Really Yeah I downloaded it on her computer I hope she doesn't mind She just had a lot of extrno way No I think she really likes this stuff great She's cute huh Yeah She's engaged But oh no I The girl on the sketch Oh yeah She's hot Yeah Hey You want to go to the beach sure You want to get high No I think you do mom stop Okay All right No All right That's good It's you You just need you need to push it You know you could go a little bit further Oh all right What okay Kelly How are you i heads are the longest meet Hanoh Welcome to my convenience store Would you like some googgie Googgie I have some very delicious googgie Googgie Only ninety nine cents plus stacks try my googgie Googgie All right Yes That was great She gets it now She knows what it's like to be a minority Mr decord We didn't lose your sale today Did we excellent Okay Let me just get your What's that no We didn't we didn't close last time I just need your uh Oh what what code were you giving Oh okay Yeah No That's actually another salesman here Yeah I can redo it If you want to do that Oh we give you a discount No I don't blame you I just hated it When that guy was in here And mr brown If that was his real name I mean he He'd never met any of us Before and here he was telling us How to do our thing I just wanted I just wanted to do it Our way You know on our own Man i should have gotten some food Maybe some spaghetokay Kevin You can take off that thing Okay That would really really showing him up Wouldn't it I'd brought in some buritos Or some colored greens or some pad tie Love pad thae It's colored greens What it's colored greens Uh doesn't really make sense Because you don't call them colored people That's offensive Emm Okay Well It's after five So thank you very much Bin of easta hoskr Thank you good job I'm a man Thank you Brazil nice We can go that's fine Ah Not a bad day Ham a pamela Pn a ama ding dong Making copies I'm not making any coffees Let's go messages stat lots to do lots to do information Super highway Nothing new lay The mum Wh What there's nothing new I know what you said earlier Oh do you want me to repeat the messages that i gave you before for the The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers My family I give them money I give them food not directly But through the money I heal them today I am in charge of picking a great new health care plan Right That's what this is all about Does that make me their doctor um Yes In a way Yeah Like a specialist So which health plan have you decided on I am going to go with the best jan I am going to go with the one with the acupuncture Therapeutic massage You know the works Wade acupuncture None of the plans Have acupuncture Have you looked at them Closely michael Oh I think it was you Who didn't look closely enough at the gold plan The gold plan Yeah I'm not even on that plan Well I'd recommend it It's very good You know the whole reason that we're doing this is to save money So you just need to pick up provider And then choose the cheapest plan Well that is a kind of a tough assignment Um It's not gonna be a popular distation around the old Orifice So i well It's a suicide mission You know michael I don't maybe i mean there You know sometimes a manager like yourself has to deliver The bad news of the employees I do it all the time Oh yeah So done that i'm doing it Right now to you Last night on trading spouses There's have you seen it No I have a life interesting What's that like you should try it sometime wow But then who would watch my tv It's sort of like a bow Your problem a ha ha ha There's a decision that needs to be made And i'm having an unbelievably busy day Um So i am going to let you pick a healthcare plan for our office And then explain it to your coworkers Gosh Yeah That is a great offer Thank you I really think i should be concentrating on sales Really Yeah I just don't think that this is the kind of task that i I'm going to do you know Who would be great for this anytime Michael asks me to do anything I just tell him that dwight should do it Yes I can do it I'm your man Right now This is just a job If i advance any higher in this company than this would be my career And well If this were my career I'd have to throw myself in front of a train Okay First Let's go over some parameters How many people can i fire on none You're picking a healthcare plan Okay We'll table that for the time being two I'm gonna need an office I think the conference room Should be fine You can use the conference room as a temporary workspace Yes I have an office be given his No You cannot use it Okay Take it back It's a workspace Temporary workspace You can use it Thank you If dwight fails And that is strike too And good for me for uh for giving him a second chance And if he succeeds then You know no one will be prouder than i am I've groomed him I made him What he is today Unless he fails And uh I've talked about that already What did i do I did my job I slashed benefits to the bone I saved this company Money was i too Harsh Maybe i don't believe in coddling people in the wild There is no health care and the wild health care is wow I heard my leg I can't run a lion needs me And i'm dead wow I'm not dead I'm the lion You're dead There's no dental There has no vision There's a twelve hundred dollars Deductible Dunder mifflin This is pam pam Michael Scott house tricks Where are you Oh i am in my office I am swamped I have worked up to my ears I'm busy Busy Can't step away I just wanted to check in and see How everybody's doing Everybody cool out there I'm actually people are really unhappy twice Sent around this memo And oh people are fuking out Because i'm sorry I'm sorry I i i gotta go I'm getting a call no You're not I have to make a call after i finished my work You know what um Just don't let anybody in my office under any conditions today I'm just too busy Too swamped You know i am unreachable I am in communiccado capache Okay Thank you Oh got here We go again Gotta go I have to take this still No one calling Right up knock Please please knock This is an office It says workpace Same thing If it's the same thing to Why is write workpace Just knock Please Okay As sign of a respect for your superior You are not my superior Oh gee then Why do i have an office I thought it was a workpiece Okay Twit twit Are you really in charge of picking the health care plan Yes And my decision is final This is a ridiculously awful plan Because you cut everything times are tough pam deal with you Cut more than you had to didn't you sure well Why did you do that you work here Don't you want good insurance Don't need it never been sick perfect immune system Okay Well If you've never been sick then You don't have any antibodies I don't need them Superior jeans I'm a shrewd and superior brain power through concentration I can raise and lower My cholesterol at well Why would you want to raise your cholesterol So i can lower it He literally won't come out of his office He's got to come out Sometime to go to the bathroom Kevin That's inappropriate Michael can i talk to you Ui would love to But i am really busy rain check Well Uh Michael have a please can we talk about helo啊 What which uh Which memo device Healthcare Memo I told you about it A good plan It's a great plan Saves a company of fortune It's like a pay Decrease michael He made huge cuts cuts What wow Why did you make cuts Yeah You said no No No no You know what i said Nothing specific Because i was so busy Why don't you go in there Dwight and find these people a plan That'll work for them Okay I can handle it Okay All right We feel good All right Good Plus There's some other good news today at the end of the day I will have for all of you A big surprise Okay So hang in there And i will see you at the end of the day Right This is not good That's ridiculous did you talk to him What was that you Let him walk all over you It's just pathetic What are you guys talking about nothing Kevin do i know what the surprise is hell No Doesn't matter The point is they're not unhappy anymore They're out there thinking wow My boss really cares about me He has a surprise He's cool I what a great guy I love him Okay Everyone gather r Step forward It has been brought to my attention that some Of you are unhappy with my plans So what i'd like you to Do is to fill this out And write down any diseases You have that you might want covered And let's see what i can do hey You know What do i We can't write our diseases down for you Because that's confidential Okay Well I didn't say to write your name down Did i fill it out Leave it anonymous Or don't write any disease down at all And i won't be covered sound fair good All right I'll be in my office Workspace You know what come with me We are going on a little mission Operation Surprise Where are you going um headed out Part of my busy day You know meetings Couldn't find enough So basically I want to do something nice for my employees Atlantic city Okay They have this thing where they send a bus Right for free picks Everybody up you head down there Get to the hotel room is commped They Give you big pilot chips and your food Everything just kind of all Inclusive free kind of weekend I don't know if anything like that But um you know you might want to do is Just call those casinos directly uh Maybe yeah Yeah I did so Wait What are you waiting Don't write ebola or mad cow disease All right Because i'm suffering from both Ha ha ha I'm inventing new diseases great So like Let's say that my teeth turned a liquid And then they drip down the back of my throat What you call that I thought you said you were inventing diseases That's spontaneous Tental hydrolosion nice Thank you Call in to ask you A little favoroni My friend Um trying to give the troops around here A little bit of a boost And i was thinking that Maybe we could take them down to take a spin on your big ride You mean the elevator that takes you down And the mind shaft It's not really a ride Usays here that it's u uh three hundred foot drop Well It goes three hundred feet into earth But it moves really slowly So it's not a free fall It's an industrial Coal elevator Uh all right Well Once you get down into the m What do you got laser tag or something Okay So i don't know what this surprise is am i worried new No wait And see i thrive on this This is my world This is improv This is whose line is it anyway All right Who did this I'm not mad I just want to know Who did it So i can punish them What are you talking about uh Someone Uh forged medical information And that is a felony Okay Whoa all right Cause That's a pretty intense accusation How do you know that they're fake uh leprosy Flesh eating bacteria Hot dog Fingers Government created killer nano robot infection You did this Didn't you absolutely not Yes You did no I did i know it was you Okay Fine you know what i'm gonna have to interview each And every one of you Until the perpetrator makes him her herself Known and until that time There will be no Healthcare coverage for anyone Killer nino robot It's an epidemic The problem jim is that people Who are really suffering from a medical condition Won't receive the care they need Because someone in this office is coming up with all This ridiculous stuff Count chaluitus sounds tough Why did you write that down Jim is it Because you know i love countercula Do you I think you need to confess the fact Yep that What are you doing What those are my keys Good luck What jim damn it No jim Let me out Jim lt the light green The green and the Jim helper Let me out Who is this Let me out of you're fired No You can't fire Yes I can i'm manager for the day Lenot your desk Okay Can you hold on one second I'm getting the uh beep Jim halbert Hey Jim It's pm Hey pam How are you jim good How are you I'm doing Okay Yeah What do you want to um I'm not bothering you am I no Not at all have anything You're doing I have nothing to do Oh great um Yeah No This weekend Nothing i'm not really doing anything Might go to the mall The mall I need new shoes How interesting What kind of shoes Hello uh This is dwight fruit calling for jan levinson gold This is jan dwight shrut calling acting manager Scratt and branch listen I needed your permission to fire Jim halpert Who is this dwight shret from sales Well Where's michael scott uh He is not here Right now He put me in charge of the office Do i listen to me very carefully You are not a manager of anything understand That's not entirely true Because he put me in charge of picking health care plan Really Yeah Okay When michael gets back You Tell him to call me Immediately Call you Immediately good Oh hey Listen um Since i have you on the phone Um Can i fire jim no Please Don't use my cellphone ever again Oh this is your I thought this was your u Hey Everybody ice cream Sandwiches Ah ha ha ha here You go take one Take one It's all good fa stick fast Yeah boom Oh oh i see Angela right Angelwow Ha ha ha ha Hey temp Why don't you take two Because you don't get healthcare and faster Metabolism Do you get the kind of the cookies Instead of the Why don't you just eat it Okay Hand here You go sailing the mandleoh Thanks there You go This isn't the big surprise is it Because we've been having a pretty horrible day Uh nope Nope This isn't the surprise It's surprising um Because you didn't expect it But you will you'll know it When you see it I tried being rational Okay What happened the employees went crazy I got no help from corporate So that leaves me with no options I'm not gonna read aloud Your submitted medical conditions When you hear yours red Please raise your hand to indicate that it is real If you do not raise your hand It will not be covered what about having a dentiality You know what you have forfeited that privilege I have tried to treat you all as adults Because if you do I want that covered During your history Okay Great german itus Thank you Angela I'll make sure That's covered Okay Now Who wrote this this hysterical one anal fissures That's a real thing Yeah But no one here has it H Someone has it I think we should go I don't know kevin I mean This is important I don't want to serious What is it going I don't know Ah well Well What you could be referring to anything Okay The health care plan Why did you put dwight in charge of that He did a horrible job Uh dwight did you raise benefits Almost certainly did not Oh come on That's horrible dol Thanks dwight for a crappy plan Oh damn Oh em I wish i had time to change it But ah jane needs it by five And what time is it What time is it Well It's after five Ah ah ah It's awful So well Okay See you guys uh on monday What about the surprise Oh yes Exactly Thank you Angela for reminding me terrific um before i tell everybody What the big surprise is would you like to tell me What you think the big surprise is we all think you Don't have a surprise all right I have some news for you There is a big surprise And here it is here We go And the big surprise is Drum roll When i am backed into a corner That is when i come alive See i learned improv from the great like um It's true carrie and riot styles Oh god This Robin williams Oh man Would i love to go head to head with him Oh that would be exciting right here I'm more from mark But i'm i'm bork from smoke No no You bliblue blue Oh um Jan wants you to call her Michael stoci try come on I wanted to talk to you about the downsizing There's no downsizing But if there were i'd be protected as assistant Regional manager is a regional manager to you So i don't have to worry Look look look look I talked to corporate about protecting the sale staff And they said they couldn't guarantee it If there's downsizing Okay But there's no downsizing So just don't bottom line So i need to be worried mm Maybe it looks like There's gonna be downsizing And it's part of my job But back i hate it I think the main difference between me And donald trump is that uh I get no pleasure out of saying the words You're fired get food Oh the food He just makes people sad And an office Can't function that way No way You fred I think if i had a catch phrase It would be you're hired And you can work here as long as you want But that's unrealistic So It's a real shame Because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water Cooler Gossip than through official memos Which puts me at a disadvantage Because i bring my own water to work What did you do this I didn't do it What do you mean Oh the water cooler was brought over here for maintenance So what do you guys hear What's the scuttle Butt Get set for operation Morale improvement Starring michael scott Now I think i've had a little stroke of genius And then i have had my assistant pam Smile pam I have had her go out and find out Whose birthday is coming up So we can have a little celebration for them Not bad At all all right And the birthday person is trouble no Please you know who is a d Who is it Who's bird uh Actually We don't have any staff Birthday coming up Next person on the calendar Okay Um that would be narrative Yes All right Come on down on meredith But it's not until next month um uh Okay Well Great well You know it'll be a surprise You still want to have a party Yeah Why not sure go ahead Little little on my pan Come on Shake it up Shake it it 谁给他 Bro uh spk are there Any signs of life down there Well Let me check captain Oh no captain No signs of life down here Just a wet blanket named pam Well uh for decorations Maybe we could stupid forget it What Oh it's just gonna say Maybe we can have streamers But it's done everybody else streamers No no no Yeah I think that's a good idea What color Do you guys think well There's green Uh blue Yellow red How about green I think green is kind of horrish This was tough i suggested we flip a coin But angela said she doesn't like to gamble Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her These are my party planning Beachches pulled off an amazing eighties party Last year I'll folk So i was thinking if you haven't already gotten a cake Um Maybe going for one of those ice cream cakes from basin Robbins that are very good Very delicious emeritus Allergic to dairy So she's not the only one That's gonna be eaten it right I think everybody likes ice cream cake is that that's just about her So it is my chocolate chip would be good How about uh My time So listen i was thinking that it might be a good idea If you And i formed an alliance Because of the downsizing I think an alliance might be a good idea You know help each other out Do you want to form an alliance with me Absolutely I do good good excellent Okay Now We need to figure out Who was vulnerable And is protected at that moment I was just so happy I mean everything dwight does annoys me Did you get your tickets to what the gun show And i spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him But only in ways that would get me arrested And then here He comes And he says No Jim here's way And there's one Other thing And this is important Let's get this alliance Totally a secret Don't tell anyone an alliance Oh yeah What does that even mean I think it has something to do with survivor But i'm not sure um I know that it involve spying on people And we may build a fort and haj Hey Hi pam Listen Could i talk to you for a second about the paper products Did you tell him about the alliance But not just now Oh no No O dwight no I'm using her for the alliance Who knows the most information about this office pam right It's good good pursue This I'm trying to do you see what i'm doing But listen i'm gonna have to talk to her A lot all right And there may chatting and giggling And you gotta just pretend to ignore It wipe it away done all right Can you get her She's right There that is meredith The birthday girl And this It's maritcard Happy bird day hum Let's say jim Jim wrote meredith I heard your turning forty six But come on You're an accountant Just fudge the numbers Not bad Pretty funny I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud Though uh Here's the thing Whatever I write here has to be Really really funny Because people out there Expecting it I've already set the bar really high And they're all worried about their jobs You know it's kind of dark out there Can you imagine if i wrote something like uh Oh meredith Um Happy birthday You're great love Michael They seem awfully chummy Don't you think Yeah What do you think That's about only one way to find out I'm on it You are not going to believe this What i believe it Well Tensions were high in the kitchen I could tell from the body language Alex kid What is that turkey Italian Oh italian Nice Wow Get the works there red onion Go alone Yeah Toby And kevin They're trying to get angela kicked off good Let them That's fine it helps our cause Well I don't know Because if kevin is an accounting and toby And human resources And they're talking They're forming an alliance I love their sandwich I love their sandwiches too And their bread really good Their bread is very good Damn it Okay Listen we need to assume that Everyone in the office is forming an alliance is Therefore trying to get us Cape up do you work Why us Because we're strong to white Because we're strong meritus Mardas mar Mary had a little lamb Mary meredith had a little lamb Don't bring that lamb to work Or it'll poop on the floor Hey Oscar Come on in What's up uh I'm sorry to bother you Oh no No Come on in What's going on my nephew is involved with um Uh charity for cerebral palsy And i was wondering If maybe you'd like to You know if what uh donate to the charity Oh god Of course I would get it over here Get that over here You no I'm always good for some serious buckage Wow Two dollars Three dollars people out here Do not care about diseases I'm going to give you Twenty five dollars That's that's very generous Thank gosh Well Listen oscar Generosity and gatherness and community All convalescences into morale is What i say So Hey jim Can i talk to you for a second sure What's up I don't know I'm just like going a little crazy Because i keep overhearing All of these conversations Between michael and corporate about like staff issues Oh no Yeah He's making me Take notes on these meetings And i'm like these people are my friends But he's all like this is confidential You can't tell anybody But i don't know I just feel like i wanna just promise me You're not gonna say anything I will not I'm not gonna Tell anybody Okay Between you And me Yeah Jackpot that was beautiful All her idea too awesome She's so great Meredith bad breath Meredith has bad breath Hey You want to see me Yeah What do you know about meredith I don't think she'd be missed There's not going to be downsizing dwight Okay I i just i need to know a little bit more about my friend name Meredith Palmer Uh personal information Divorced twice Two kids Uh employer under mifflin paper Incorporated awards Multiple dunddies I know that i know I know all that I just i need something kind of embarrassing You know kind of fun inside jet has directed me Which one is that again That's where they remove the uterus Oh god Dno I'm trying to write something funny here Okay What am I gonna do with a removed uterit Could be kind of funny You know what i am on a deadline here And just okay Thanks Thanks for your help I'm i'll work it out Thank you Deviate that wasn't a waste of time Okay Here's the deal all right Pam says that one of the alliance is is meeting in the warehouse During meredith Burmy God We have to be there I know But it's gonna be a little tough Because there's no good place to hide No no Yes There is behind the shelves Oh my god What what Why I know I know exactly What to do I'm a deer hunter I go all the time with my dad One thing about deer They have very good vision One thing about me I am better at hiding than they are a vision This is gonna be perfect Okay Essentially located perfect cover I can hear and see everything Good Michael Just second Are you done almost there Just the second It is perfect Thank you Excellent here We go is this time Thank you Okay Come on Let's go get the cake here We go Come on 快wait this isn't gonna work the lids open So tape it down I can't do that then You won't be able to breathe Look i can breathe Just fine Okay But if it makes you feel better I'll pulholes in the box Thank you Okay Surprise Oh surprise No It's a It's surprised meredith One two Happy happy birthday to you fy king Happy birthday So you want me to stay here And you know stand next in the boxer No you need to go upstairs to the party So people don't want us that We're both gone right That's good Can i trust jim I don't know do i have a choice No frankly I don't will i trust jim Yes Should i trust jim You tell me first day in marriage Last year five years ago You're surprise aren't you You look freaked man We said surprise You like What what the hell going on over here very quick Let's have some I can't come on a little bit Little bit All right Oh god too bad Are So good that makes me sick now If i were alerted to dairy I think i tell myself This is way Way too good He's in a box He's downstairs in a box on the floor Near the shelves I'm serigo down there and work your magic Hey where are you Yeah We were supposed to meet here Oh my gosh that ties in perfectly with something that Michael was telling me earlier I just don't know what some of the people in like accounting are gonna Do it said Specifically that Jim good party Huh just a little somebody whipped up You know little morale boost No big deal speaking of Which i meant to tell you very impressive The uh donation You gave oscar's charity What was that twenty five bucks no Well No money isn't everything Jim not the key to happiness You know What is joy You should remember that Maybe give more than three dollars Next time bible Three dollars a mies can end up Being like fifty bucks So god came and calculate where you're gonna have to you It's sasser around I just thought it was a kind of a flat You know twenty five dollars One time donation I didn't think it was a per mile Kind of deal You know So well That's what a walkathon is But it It says it right on the sheet Look Look at the sheet It says It's however Many dollars per amile got it Yes So it does um I just think it's kind of cheap to undonate Money to a charity No no No No no I wasn't that wasn't what i was no It's it's it's not about the money It's just it uh is the ethics of the thing Oscar How's your nephew see a good shape Last year Good for him Happy birthday married We not loud Say who wrote everything So we know who is the best happy birthday Hhhh Meredith good news You're not actually a year older Because you work here Where time stands Still ha ha ha ha I don't know about that that was stanley Meredith Happy birthday You are the best love pam Yeah Oh thanks downer This is from michael meredith Let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is That someone downsizes your age Because of the downsizing rumors And because you're getting old No I i i get it It's funny You didn't get the joke So that's cool That's you know what actually I have a a bunch of these good ones that I didn't use um Oh what's that uh Oh okay Here's a good one um Emeredith liz Taylor called she wants her age back and her divorces back Because marin has been divorced like twice is that right All you are right that right Okay Yes Divce Um Oh okay Meredith is so old old fish with everybody Can do it Every marith is so old She so old She went into an antique store And they kept her That wasn't even mi got that off the internet website So don't get mad at me um nice party Michael This isn't my fault Um ladies not your best effort Streamers like We could have done better than that Don't you think phylis wanted red I didn't Oh boy Okay Wait All right people hold on Hold on Just a second Okay I think we're losing sight of what is really important here And that is that we are a group of people Who work together I was i really wasn't gonna flaunt this I have made a very sizable Donation to oscars Nephews Twenty five dollars per mile Per mile Yes When i retire I I don't want to just disappear to an island Somewhere I wanna be the guy Who gives everything back A check for the kids and for the team I want it to be like hey Who donated that hospital wing That is saving so many lives um Well I don't i don't know it was anonymous Guess What that was michael scott But i was anonymous How do you know Because i am am Thank you Michael 出没 Don't catch up to friday Okay Really today Yeah Ha happy birthday Thanks I could say something Don't do that Okay I was something that totally tops the box Oh tell me Tell me I have just convinced the white He needs to go to stanford and spy on our other brand No no no But before he does so i told them that He should die his hair to go undercover Ha ha ha If we can get him to drive to get out of good And put her right side in his hair This is what you try to cup of feel Or something that I do no Do no Do i just listen whoa god I don't even i don't even know How to explain this um uh Do i asked me to be in an alliance ha And then um um We were we've just been messing with them Uh Because of the whole alliance thing um It's just office pranks It's stupid It's just office pranks And why it's what the hell are you talking about I have absolutely no idea Come on Do i feel bad about betraying jim not at all That's the game convince Somewhere in an alliance Get some information throw them to the wolves That's politics baby get what you can out of someone Then crush them I think jim might have learned a very valuable lesson Hey You ready Um Ah All right Secret sign Hey Ryan Very good Excellent Michael Today at lunch time We are going to be playing the warehouse staff in a friendly Little game of basketball My idea The last time i was down there I noticed he'd put up a couple of hoops And i play basketball Every weekend So i thought this might be kind of fun And so i start messed around And i'm sinking a few You know swish Swish Nothing But net and their jaws just dropped to the floor African americans You know it's really just uh a good friendly game Reason for everybody to get together Pam pam Thank you Ma'am Let's just please i go Michael Could i talked to you for second Please Private in your office I think i should be on the team No And that's not me being mean White That is based on your past behavior Please when i let him come to my pickup Pologize for that I ouched for you I vouch for you in front of top packer dwight All right Here's what i'm gonna Do the hand strikes and gives a flour You are not going to play basketball But i need somebody to come in And take over the holiday and weekend work calendar I can handle that good excellent It'll be fun Because corporate uh wants somebody to be here on saturday And so we're gonna have to have a couple of people Come in on the weekends And i know nobody's gonna want to do it And i don't want to have to deal with that And that's where you have an assistant Regional manager Yes Cities assistant to the regil manager The same thing It's not it's lower So it's close So we need someone to work this saturday And i think that that should be jim god This is so sad This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen And go to someone's head phylis Can't believe this Keep me out of it My fiancee has plans for us This saturday So i really hope white doesn't make me work Maybe i should sleep with him I'm kidding Kidding Totally Kidding All right managing by walking around This is a warehouse Or as i like to call it The poor house But don't you call it that I've earned the right fine Don't worry about that And here We have mca rogers Neighborhood Come on over here Hey This is ryan just temping upstairs And it's a formman ma rajas It's not a real name No It's darrell Darrell is ma raja They're all rogers They're filin Then reges Then reach than roger than mida rogers And that is launny And this is roy roy dates pam You know the uh The best looking one upstairs You're still getting it Regular man Huh I mean I can tell her It's part of the job Report no no no I know that the warranty is expired But isn't it supposed to last longer than two years If it isn't defective Okay Fine three years pam gets a little down her toaster Oven broke um Which she got at her engagement Shower um for a wedding that still has yet to be set That was three years ago So one o'clock sharp And we've got a game on We're lonumber one Oh i see you're uh You're chicken it out You're bailing on me No We got a truck going out of one fifteen So that's a busy time Oh well I'm glad that sometime is a busy time Because whenever I'm down here Doesn't seem too busy to me Oh oh oh you can dish it out But you can't take it Okay Fine have it your way back All right See you at one Are we ready for the game Yeah Oh yeah I know grumble grumble But you would follow me to the ends of the earth Grumbling all the way Like that uh dwarf from lord of the rings Gimly nerd that is Why you're not on the team Just trying to be helpful No good I'll have elvin Dragon slayer is ten point powersword view vievie Okay So let's put together Starting lineup Shall we stanley Of course I'm sorry Um What do you play center Why of course What's that supposed to me I don't know i I don't remember saying that uh I heard it well People hear a lot of things man um Other starters me Of course i heard at that time I'd like to play If it's just for fun I played basketball in school Um Yeah Who else we have gym We have ryan The new guy right untested willing to prove himself Right now a lot of passion A lot of heart But i'm getting paid to skip lunch right Yes Okay Yes This is business The uh The business of team building and morale boost ste Ah Who else I can help out if you need me I will use your talents come baseball season My friend Or if we box I have a hoop in my driveway No i have a sports bra No No ridiculous Michael look Close all right uh me stand the man Jim ryan and dwight Yes Sorry Phyllis can i be team captain No I'm team captain Can i be team manager No i am the team manager You can be assistant to the team Manassistant Team manager No Okay We'll see you working this weekend Then jim you're in charge of the vacation Schedule now Oh my god Threat neutralized Off the backboard Hhhhplease Don't throw garbage at me Oh pam with a singer Ha ha Hey pam How would you like to be our cheerleader today You know some pig tails Little uh halter top You can tie that up And you know some little Just youthful for change Just this once I don't think so michael besides I can't cheer against my fiancee I'll do it wa little flouncy skirt If you want Yeah I bet you would just try not to be too Gay on the court and by gay I mean um You know not the homosexual way at all I mean the uh You know like the bad at sports way I think that goes without saying Maybe angela would cheerly Oh yeah Right I'll do it Oh yah That's worse than you playing Because you know what we need you As an alternate in case Somebody gets hurt That's where we need you Blessed be those who sit and wait You made it suit up You're on the team All right cool Very good uh Oh uh Oh spy from the warehouse Trying to figure out our plays Oh man Just get a tea bag Ha ha woo He's running But he can't hide Because you know what one o'clock You'd better bring your a game Because me and my posse guys are gonna be in your face Right in your face Why we make it more interested loser Buys dinner at farle's ho ho I like the way You think you know What i take that one step Further Loser works on saturday No it's not as much fun But ba mua mua mua mua mua Mua mua mua mua mua You know what Oh what you are Okay Cool You're on Don't screw this up Classic be honest mistake Eating before game Has anyone seen the first aid kit How many times have i told you I'm the safety officer Not you Basketball It's kind of my thing in high school And i'm Yeah I'm looking forward to play You know I think i'm gonna impress a few people in here You coming now Yeah I'm just sporting the phones You wish me like Yeah You're gonna need it Whoa is that trash talk from pam I'm just saying roy is very competitive And he wants take the wave runners the lake The saturday So well I'm going to the outlet mall on saturday So if you want to save big on brand names and royus to work Which you will because i'm also competitive You should feel free to come along um I think i'm gonna be up at the lake I think i'll see you The more We are Hey serious Secret Weapon All right you guys come on Let's bring it in here We go Listen this is just going to be a friendly game right We are all on the same team here The dunder mifflin team Of course If you beat us You're fired That's a joke Okay Let's do it have a good game man Yeah Good tish Fusome all right Everybody stretch out a little bit stretch Stretch it Oh it Stretch Ryan You want to stretch I stretch before i can Okay Ah Okay Ryan You have darrell I have roy Really I thought i'd think roy No actually I think roy's are best player Not lying So twit You have the uh east german gal Gu 啊ok all right you guys Okay We'll be skinned then I con wait What should that on or off on Just put it on Be sure Yes Uh pam You kind of have your foot in both camps here Why don't you do the jump ball Okay Don't listen to him pam trust me Tip it My way or sleep in the car h What you gotta be kidding me Oh oh here We go Who's up Who's out somebody again Yeah Talk about Yeah Over here Three Going to show What's going to show Defense Well Look up Who is boy Oh come on What is wrong with me day Usually hit those Right I was open all right Let's go Oh okay Foul Charging That's foul Okay I'll take it When i am playing hoops All of the stress and responsibility of my job Here Just melts away It's gone I'm in the zone Who am I am i Michael scott I don't know i might just be a basketball machine What's on a reflin I've never heard of it Filing paperwork Who cares possible downsizing Well That's that's that's probably Gonna Happen Actually Jim Jim right here Jim jip The ball right cut wo Come over here Oh that like a robot Nice Give me one Fifty one That's cool That's fine come on Let's go Don't can't hurt watch back Yeah Come on Hey Drive drive Yeah in your face Yeah You know what twice twice Football is like rock and roll It's just bang Bang boom and basketball is like jazz You know you're kind of dudu Dudu It's all downbeat It's in the pockets 布雷尼比鲁巴雷拉 Do do do do your ball get time time out Come on sales over here Bring it in Come on What's going on What's going on you Guys are playing Like a bunch of curls You know what let me take a boy All right switching Take it up a notch Come on Whoa whoa Whoa Whoa foul naked aggression Oh that is You're right Jim suck it up Wow Wow wow He's afraid now Oh oh How much does it hurt So get What the hell man take it easy Now You take it easy Watch so long passes You guys Hey Same team dwight white Yes Jo Yeah In your face Exceline What's score your head Yeah Baby here We go Jim Jim right here Oh god All right I'm sure l foul I'm sorry You alright Oh that her no I'm sorry I didn't problem man I didn't mean to do this Yeah Just clocking me for no Reason Let's take your shot No That was a flagrant Personal Intentional foul Right No It was yes You know what i'm just being fair Really I do not no No Gamy arm over game over That is it I'm sorry You know i hate to do it this way But you know That's just we're having a friendly game It's a shame This is a damn shame But you know we're like a family here And that's just that won't fly This is a copack Give me that you have to break the interior bag Thanks for wait Whit me with What is it a tie Oh what's going on Well Let's just say whoever was a head one that was you It was us Really I didn't i didn't know great I mean I guess you guys work in saturday Your face No I'm i'm not coming in on saturday Yeah This isn't happening Well guys You know i am the boss So so what what's that we we coming in on monday Right Ha you guys believe me ha come on dogs You know you should know me better than that No Oh do you think that would have been good for morale No Exactly No I'm i'm embarrassed was even that close So now Of course We're coming in saturday Good game Yeah word So i talked to this Scout it Looks good I haven't signed anything Hey Baby get larry bird Larry legend that Yeah He's uit's pretty Good huh Oh yeah Let's get you into a tub Yeah Give you a tub ha ha ha ha ha ha Hey What a game Huh What a game What time do we have to come in Come on Let's not be gloomy here man We're all in this together We're team You don't want screw corporate Nobody's coming in tomorrow Yeah Have the day off like coming in an extra Day is gonna prevent us from being downsized Have a good weekend The great thing about sports is that it is all about character And you can learn lessons about life Even if you don't win But we did Because we were ahead Are you listening to me Michael affirmative What did i just say you Just said let me uh check my notes You just said alan And i have created an incentive program Hey How is allen tell alan that the met suck Okay From me big time Go pirates Not gonna Do that michael Okay We've created an incentive program to increase sales At the end of the month You can reward your top seller with the prize Worth up to one thousand dollars woo How do you ho wow a thousand big ones That's cool Do i uh do i get to pick the prize Uh ah Yes You can um question does top salesmen include uh people Who were at one time Uh uh Such outstanding salesman that they've been promoted to no Michael No You You can't win this prize Why didn't mean me First What we have to do is find out What motivates people more than anything else sex It's illegal can't do that next best thing torture Duck come on Do i just to help me out here Let's just stupid umichael pm Hey There burger with cheese There's a person here There's a jake What go ahead There's a person here Who wants to sell handbags No no No Vendors in the office That is a distraction Okay I told her You talk to her pam come on I'm busy So just tell her to go away Okay Hh All right I'll talk to her This one is handed All right girls bring it up You're being infiltrated cocking the henhouse Cocks in the henhouse Don't say cocx Oh aha Uh What is your name affair lass Katie Ah katie Wow Look at you You are uh You're like the new and improved pam pam six point o Oh ho ho ho look Oh hey No Cat fights you too I'm against violence in the workplace So am i and nobody cares with you That doesn't matter So uh You know what i usually Don't allow solicitors in the office But today i am going to break some rules And you can have the conference from yours All day Wow Thanks There's nhr meeting in there at eleven thirty Well Let's put them in the hallway Give him some chairs right decisiveness One of the keys to success According to small businessman I do i read small businessman I also uh subscribe to usa today and american way Um magazine That's the inflight magazine Some great articles in that they did this great profile Last month of doris roberts And where she likes to eat when she's in phoenix Illuminating This is my conference room So please uh make yourself at home Whatever you need I'm right on the other side of this wall Used to be a window here There's not anymore So that's where i will be So uh if you need anything else something to make you more comfortable Just don't hesitate to ask Come right here I guess the cup of coffee would be great Wait a second Ah I shouldspotted another Addict uttle of the box What it's like a slang for starbucks They're all over the place Oh man that place is like the promised land to me What a business model too Oh too bad We don't have the good stuff here A regular coffee is fine no It's not It's no Really It is now Here's the thing You know I do my best to to be my own man And go by the beat of a different drumer And nobody gets me And they're always putting up walls And i'm always tearing them down Just breaking down barriers That's what i do all day So a coffee Regular coffee for you High test or unleted bring it on Oh oh woo I will i'll bring it on All right So are you jealous Because there's another girl around no She's prettier than you though That's a very rude thing to say Kevin See you see like the perry rgles and purples The purse girl hits everything on my checklist Creamy skin Straight teeth Curly hair Amazing breasts not for me for my children The shroots produce very thirsty babies There you go nice Steaming hot cup of joe Thank you I have an idea Why don't i introduce you around you Know you can kind of get your foot in the door Meet Potential clientele Right gosh I'm i would love to you But my purse i should Oh um Well We can have ryan take a look Ryan Would you look after the purses Please i'm a stling file share on all the computers Yeah Well Bloody blue to blah blah techno Babbel Just do it Okay We have company right You should sell a lot here Because this branch made over a million dollars Last year not that we're all millionaires I probably closest So here's oscar Oscar This is katie phone Oh oh oh Oh oscar The grouch right I thought of that Yeah That was unching my street I know I know i made the connection Can you believe he'd never heard that before he worked here No I don't believe that I know It's unbelievable It's nice Having katie around It's another person for michael to um interact with here Is toby from human resources Katie toby toby katie Did you go to um uh bishop for hair Yeah Me too cool When you were you there toby is divorced he uh God recently right you and your wife And you have kids Oh that's so it was really messy he slept One night in your car too I should probably get back to my table Okay All right cool See a bit Oh she's cute Cutie Pie back to work I lived by one rule No office Romance is no way Very messy inappropriate No But i live by another role Just do it Nike Hi jimmy What do you think about that a little purse girl Huh You sure Yeah Once You get on that It's not really My tight What are you Gay e I don't think so no What is your type Primarily yep soccer moms Single moms Nascar moms Any type of mom Really That's disgusting Stay away from my mom too Late kev Man i would be all over that If i wasn't beating pam We're not dating We're engaged Engaged Yeah Pam and i are good buddies I'm sort of pam's go to guy for her Problems You know with stuff like work Or uh her fiancee roy or uh No those are pretty much Your only two problems She'd be perfect for you She's been talking to michael A lot So what your assistant Regional manassistant to the regional manager You know what dwight Okay He is not your relationship boss That's true plus You so much more to talk to this girl about You're both u salesman I mean that's something right there true plus I could talk to about the origins of my last name It's all gold Guys are usually my best customers they buy the high end Stuff like the beads And the sequence and stuff for gifts You know they don't know what they're looking at So i make suggestions all right Here's the thing Okay You just keep talking to her If you hit a stall you have a perfect fall back What's that you buy a purse I don't want to purse purses or for girls toy That's not necessarily true Okay Do you read gq No Okay I do there like many brief cases All right lots of guys have like those Yes Listen you are spending way too much time talking to me talking Okay I'm just gonna use the bathroom And no You don't need the bathroom You've cliit go Okay She stop atever You're doing Because this is going to be good Hi My name's do i truth And i would like to buy a purse from you Good lord Look at these purses This is something special Oh my god Is this salvatord to chini hua Oh definitely Definitely Step in and out of it like that Yes Yeah You well I want to stress test it You know in case Anything happened Oh oh that was really This is necessary to do to really give it A good workout this is the Oh this is the prettiest one of all I'm gonna be the prettiest girl in the ball Oh how much Oh god It's sad It's so sad here He comes You're a good one You're horrible This One's really good for a hot date Yeah What's that ha ha ha I'm engaged Oh congratulations You know a hot date Wen't anyone that wish right Yeah Giggle get good chey Chey I get it I get it divine secrets of the ya sisterhood over here right So how's that uh that coffee from earlier Good ui Knew it gazzled it down you green little thing So uh Bam is this your lunch break or was that earlier When you were eaten in the kitchen with those guys All right busted ha ha ha ha come back Oh hey I wanna What i want to show you Something come here I want to show you I know you are gonna like this Picked it up today Thousand big ones is that from starbucks Yes This is a starbucks Digital berrista This is the mac daddy of espresso makers Wow Yeah Wow in the office Oh oh i know what you're thinking Oh you're not prying this out of my hands ha ha ha ha ha ha But don't tame Because i'll give it to you wouldn't think of it Coffee is the great incentivisor in the office It's a drug It is quite literally a drug that speeds people up It's not the only drug that speeds people up You hear stories about uh Dunder Mifflin in the eighties before everybody knew Oh the rotating uh Steam wand What what's matter Oh nothing Um um My ride is bailed on me Oh oh god I'm Sorry is Oh no It's where are you going nearby Because i give you ride No sure No Really I don't want to inconvenience I will god No Inconvenience I mean I'm out of here five sharks I can go over earlier Because i'm the boss You know Whatever Yeah I'm ta here Okay Laves What okay Okay I guess that would be i I guess that would be Okay Sounds good sounds Good five o'clock Sharp I will give you And your purses a right home Okay excellent b给go k Yeah Okay I should never have let the temp touches si I had all these great icons And now i have four folders So it's actually better this way No It's not Because i could just click on the icon And then i'm on to michael Could i ask you something I wanted to ask your permission to ask out katie I know it's against the rules and everything But no No It's not against the rules She is not a a permanent employee So it's not Thank you Michael I appreciate this But i think you should just know that i am going to be Giving her a ride home later What she asked me for a ride And so i'm going to give her a ride home is that all It is just a ride home like a taxi cab Well It might be a ride home Might be a ride home And we stopped for coffee And Please please i am your inferior And i'm asking you This favor Can you promise me that it will just be a ride home I cannot promise You cannot promise me Or you won't promise me Listen dwight Do you love her Do no I I don't know it's too early to tell i I don't know How i feel I think you've made a really good choice She's really gonna like that espresso Oh thank you You're welcome you Em em em um It's that from the machine that was in your office Uh huh I thought that was the incentiprize for the top salesperson very easy to clean Okay He's gonna win Anyway Right Should we get an email Yeah I gave it to you Yes You did Yes You did Just checking Just check in Double checking Checking on the check Thonus is very important in an office And so can i Yeah Of course Um pam What more thing um How do girls your age feel about food tons a food on He's a grown man That's what he said That's sad or it's innovative Well You know the fu ton is a bed And couch all rolled And what's up Hi Are you still mad at me Why come on Come on Are you mad at me Stop it Are you are about me Now Are you mad at me now U ha ha ha come on Come on Tammy I was just kidding You know I didn't need a jim's a great guy He's like a brother to me We're like best friends in the office And i really hope he find someone You seem to like to touch things that you just tried the velvet I don't like to necessarily touch things I'm just i'm shopping Oh no It's it's fine that um you here What about the raspberry one It's really um kind of festive It's got a lot of personality Hey How's it going good Can i talk to you for a second in private I don't think so you just take a second Just for a minute Please i want i wanted to talk to you in private Because i wanted to ask you out on a date Okay Was that no to talking to me in private Or was that no to the date What colors do you like gray Dark gray Charcoal right Yeah Would you like to help me with a special project I would love to wright Okay Just throw out all the empties You don't want to recycle them um Yes Throw them away in the recycling bin Do you want this No What about this bottle of power drink Uh with flavor Blue bluis not a flavor It says Flavor blue blast Oh blue blayes Uh put that in the trunk And there should be an unopened arctic chill back there I want that in the passengers Cup holder Thank you I'm jim by the way I'm katie Ni katie Nice to meet it out there Don't you I do That's what i'm best Known for sitting out there all right Let's talk about purses Okay Um katie But you know what don't try to sell me one Okay Seriously Because i'm just here to learn Okay So i know about most of these But okay Wow Stop wow That's my druck arwar No This is right day night sweat No It is a perfect smell Alike I'm not paying for the label Right here Give it Well It's empty No It's not There's some in the straw There now you may throw it out Wow How many fleo fishes did you Eat That's over several months Ryan What's up I'm bored Thank you for choosing me No I'm kidding um So you got big plans This weekend Uh Well I think i'm gonna See katie Really Yeah What are you guys Gonna do Oh man I don't know uh Dinner Dinks movie Matching tattoos That's good stuff Yeah What are you doing I was gonna say I think that um We're gonna Help royce cousin move Okay Because royce got a truck That's cool Aha Yes That's cool But i'll see you monday Though right great Okay I'm gonna head back All right I think in order to be a ladies man It's imperative that people Don't know you're a ladies man So i kind of play that Close to the chest I know what can i say women are attracted to power And i think other people have told me I have a very symmetrical face Hi don't know I don't know Maybe they're right I don't know ha ha You don't want me to help you with that Because i can not grab The problem some of you see you later goodnight Good night Jim My michael Are you going Oh grab A drink I think with us I am I probably should've told you I don't need a ride now Because jim can take me home after So you're off the hook Okay Great off the hook Excellent Okay Cool I got this all Right Have fun Don't drink and drive Take it easy Good night You two have a good night Yo Yeah You sold a lot So it's later b We're here Yeah All right now I'm gonna warn you don't freak out Okay This is a really nice car in case You haven't noticed this is a corolla Okay So it's a very nice car So you're not gonna freak out Do i have a special someone uh Well Yeah Of course A bunch of them My employees If i had to choose between a one night Stand with some stupid cow I pick up at a bar And these people i picked them Every time because with them It is an everyday stand And i still know their names in the morning 要干掉他不满级却几乎是不可能的 别看这个名头听起来很牛叉 但他终究只是主角团 通往幸福道路上的最后一块垫脚石 根据故事本来的主线 主角团是在打倒魔王后才会与他撞见 最后在经历了一番坎坷后 主人公使用最克制他的光系魔法 才勉强将他干掉 可那毕竟是很久以后才会发生的事 如果他是五岁时就穿越过来的呢 没错女主来到这里后 便发现自己还很小 这时的她虽然还是一级 但既然知道自己有着超越魔王的潜力 并且之后还有被主角团干掉的风险 于是为了不让未来的自己在圣光中灰飞烟灭 女主觉醒前世记忆的当天 便跑到了图书馆查阅资料 她发现自己之所以在这里不受人待见 全都是因为魔王的头发是黑色的 这里的人们普遍认为黑发是邪恶的象征 就是由于这个原因 女主长到这么大 甚至还没和他的父母见过面 不过比起这些 他最在乎的还是该如何避免未来死亡的结局 回想起这个游戏的原剧情 里面全是一些充满酸臭味的恋爱故事 女主相信自己 只要尽量避免与主角团扯上关系 他就一定能过上低调安稳的学院生活 不过在此之前 最重要的还是先提升一下等级 万一他能先一步的打倒魔王 最后肯定能减少很多麻烦 要知道他的魔法便属于最邪恶的暗黑系 他自然而然就学会了使用 仅是打倒一只史莱姆 他就感觉自己变强了许多 显然这便是升级带来的效果 也是从这天开始 每当醒来后 他都会偷偷跑出去练级 从先打倒一些最低级的魔物开始 然后等等级升上来后 他又开始挑战更高等的魔物 慢慢的他也将手伸到了地下城 虽说有些魔物看起来就很牛叉 他也叫不上名字 但却无一例外 没有一只魔物是他的对手 倒是期间通过卖掉魔物体内的魔石 他却收获了不菲的财富 然后再将魔石卖掉后 买进各种道具 首先就是这个拥有经验加成的项链 等拿到这个神器 女主便开始了独自一人挑战地下城的壮举 或许是感觉自己升级的速度太慢 女主之后又买了一个可以引怪的笛子 这下地下城里的魔物便遭了殃 每当他们刚被刷新出来 女主便会按时出现几招 就将他们全部送回泉水 这样枯燥乏味的练级日子 终于在女主15岁的这天结束了 虽然他也不知道自己现在的等级是多少 但当务之急还是先来到学院报道 至此 游戏中的主线剧情便彻底展开了 首先是作为游戏女主角的粉毛 因为不小心错过了门禁 从而相识了宰相家的儿子蓝毛 又在蓝毛傲娇的提示下 粉毛又遇到了同样错过门禁的红毛 红毛作为将军家的儿子 天生就拥有一副乐于助人的热心肠 然而就在两人气氛正好的时候 红毛一个不小心竟然带着粉毛摔进了学校食堂 这一摔不要紧 粉毛竟然因此与身为王子的黄毛结下了缘分 至此粉毛便将自己的后宫成员全都认识了个遍 原本女主是故事里经常欺负主人公的恶意千金 但毕竟现在灵魂已经换了一个人 他没有兴趣 也没有时间和对方扯上关系 可想象是美好的 直到这天 女主才发现自己忘了一件事 原来按照学校的惯例 新生在初来乍到后都要先测量一下等级 在水晶球的面前 一切都无所遁形 看到主人公的等级只是一级 女主心里也不由一慌 原来她到现在都没具体测过自己的等级 听到有学生被测出了十集 便在全场引起了轰动后 女主心里就更懵了 由于之前都是自己一个人行动 她也不知道自己打倒的魔物究竟有多强 如果此时想要低调一点的话 对他来说五级就不错 刚刚好 这时也轮到了女主 看到他走的很慢 校长还以为她是紧张了 连忙安慰她 就算是一级也不必害羞 毕竟现在才刚入学 然而不想女主担心的压根就不是这个 直到当她将手放到水晶球上后 这个女孩怎么也没想到 自己才刚入学就被测出了 古往今来都没有的99集 这按理来说是一件好事 可错就错在她不是什么好人 而是大反派 并且比魔王还要恐怖 只是由于一直都没条件测极 他也没想到最终会测出来这么高 要知道在场所有的心声中 最高也只有十几 听到大家都怀疑女主作弊 好在这时 校长让众人肃静 并表示是真是假 等到上课识字会知晓 可淡定也不过是表面上下一秒 校长变化的脸色并没有逃过女主的眼睛 尽管这让他暂时逃过了一劫 但等到放学后就没有人顾及其他了 当即就有三人来谴责女主的作弊行为 表示他竟只是为了想引人注意 就放弃了贵族的自尊 虽然不明白为何会没有人性 但三人却已经是女主的老熟人了 原来根据故事本来的主线 眼前的三人是游戏里原本女主人公的攻略对象 在搞对象的同时 未来他们将会一起打败魔王 然而对于这些女主却压根就没有兴趣 这一世他只想要安稳的生活 眼见着女主人公就在旁边不远处 并且一脸刚入学不太习惯的样子 于是他也当即就问起了三人要不要搭话 原来虽说才刚入学 但女主却知道 由于一些意外 三人都已经或多或少与对方有了牵扯 而接着也果不其然 三人也果真对他没有了兴趣 等女主再回到班里时 便发现四人已经完全打成了一片 唯有她孤零零的就坐在角落 并且时不时还能听到同学对她的议论声 没错 他被孤立了 原来直到现在为止 他的作弊行为也依旧是众人的焦点 但殊不知这却正合他所意 反而让她有些轻松 就这样当做花瓶度过3年倒也不赖 只是想象是美好的 很快便来到了上课时间 这杰克是剑术指导课 好巧不巧的是 女主还正好是第一位 而她的第一个对手则是老熟人红毛 同样也是除了他以外 新生中最强的诗集 女生眼中典型的男神 然而这些却不是女主在乎的 此刻她的心中只有一个想法 那就是接下来该怎么放水 原来99集顾名思义 除了魔法以外 就算物理攻击也贼强 也就是说红毛的生死完全取决于他拿捏的力道 接着随着老师的一番话 红毛也摆起了攻击的架势 在表示不会因为女生就对他手下留情后 下一秒他就开始了进攻 然而看起来很猛 殊不知 这在女主的眼里却宛如慢动作 在随手制造了一发意外后 红毛便被摔了个狗吃屎 不过摔的这么丢人 却是女主没想到的 正当她问老师这样是否就算结束了时 却不想这对红毛而言却无异于羞辱 下一秒他就不讲武德发起了偷袭 一时不慎让女主没完全控制好力道啊 啊不过好在红毛命大 就在他准备送对方去医务室时 不曾想去 让老师不能淡定了 在连忙便表示自己去就行后 随后老师扛着红毛就走 而这一消失就是一节课期间 并没有再发生什么意外 毕竟这次亲眼所见 其他人压根就不敢接近女主 接着也来到了第二节魔法课 由于这节课要和其他小组一起上 因此人也不知不觉变得更多了起来 而这节课的目的 也只是检测一下众人的魔法实力 老师表示 只要能打到标靶就行 毕竟这只是第一堂课而已 这次女主不再是第一轮 仅是一会的功夫 她便见识到了好几种不同属性的魔法 每个人的水平都参差不齐 值得注意的只有两个 一个是只有女主人公才会的光明魔法 这在整个世界也是特别罕见的例子 因为光属性不仅克制暗属性 也同样是克制魔王的王牌 而另一个则是攻略对象之一的蓝毛 他所会使用的魔法竟有四种 并且每一种也都达到了驾轻就熟的地步 不过对此老师却已经见怪不怪 原来蓝毛在别的方面不说 但在魔法方面 他却是当之无愧的天才 而很快也轮到了女主 虽说他所绘的暗属性同样也很稀有 但被誉为邪恶魔法的他却并不受世人待见 不过好在也只是主观上的 因此他还是可以放心使用的 倒是以防万一 他想知道标靶的材质怎么样 如果一不小心坏了怎么办 可不想此言却引来了蓝猫的嘲讽 她都不可能 女主又怎么可能 而听老师的解释才知道 原来这个标靶没有宫廷魔导师的力量 想打坏无异于牛在天上飞 而听到这里 女主也放心了不少 随着心念一动 他也小心的使出了自己最弱的一招 看到这里 蓝毛差点就要笑出声 可唯有老师却不能淡定了 他一眼便认出了女主 不仅使出的是暗魔法 并且魔力量还不如小觑 而接着也果不其然 只见在魔法接触的瞬间 这个标靶也以诡异的形式开始了融化 等到众人再回过神时 标靶便只剩下的一双脚 虽然有些懵 其中也包括女主 但老师也连忙向众人普及 暗属性并不是邪恶魔法 历史上也有宫廷魔导师学会的例子 最不能忍受的则是蓝毛 他不能接受女主竟比自己的天赋还好 在表示不愿承认后 说完便耻辱的离去 就在老师有些傻眼时 这时黄毛也和校长一起走过来 而映入眼帘的则是一个退学通知书 原来黄毛一整天都不见 就是在说服校长让女主退学 身为国家的第二王子 他的权力在这里可谓是一手遮天 此时校长显然已经和黄毛达成了一致 他告诉女主作弊的结果不仅是退学那么简单 接下来整个国家的学校也没有人再会要她 这番操作 差点将女主给气笑 就在他打算扭头就走时 却不想老师却帮她说话 在表示女主不仅拥有很罕见的按摩法 并且还打坏了 只有宫廷魔导师才能打坏的标靶后 他告诉校长 女主的99级说不定是真的 然而不曾想 校长却不愿信 就算打破了也不足以说明女主是99级 除非他自己可以证明一下 而说着众人的目光便同时望向了女主 女主本来是不愿意暴露自己的实力的 但此情此景也实在是让她忍不住 听到老师的一再恳求 下一秒她也决定向天空释放魔法 不过在此之前 他却决定向黄毛请示一下 如果待会发生什么事 谁来负责 但不想黄毛却压根就没在意 在表示责任由自己来扛后 女主也开始考虑该使用什么等级的魔法 太弱的不行 太强的也不行 最终在思考了一番后 他决定使用一个逼格最高的暗属性魔法 在游戏里也只有他和魔王会 不过为了以防万一 他不敢全力施展 原来这招顾名思义还真的是黑洞 不仅能无条件抹去范围内的物质 并且随着魔法的慢慢扩大 范围内的空气也会慢慢消失 直至整个空间变成真空状态 如果女主不停下来的话 仅是这一招下去 这片区域的所有人都会死 不过也正因如此 很快女主也选择了停下 她并不想滥杀无辜 何况她的目的也早已达到 此刻底下的众人无一例外都只有震惊半晌 一个字也蹦不出来 而看到黄毛惊恐的样子 女主也不禁有些玩味 这绝对是1月最龙傲天 女主开学第一天 便暴露了上限为等级99的黑洞魔法 本想低调行事 安稳过日子 结果却摊上了个秀逗王子 非要作死 指控女主等级是假的 要让其退学 无奈之下 女主只好不装了 给王子放了一手满级魔法黑洞术 吓得傻王子当场尿了一地 然而黑洞术的消息很快便传到了王宫 女主也在隔天被召进宫内 国王先是替傻王子的无礼行为向女主道歉 我的那你没什么 为了堵住群臣的嘴 证明女主的等级是真的 国王又派出等级60级的骑士团团长 来测试下女主 在这个魔王只有70级的世界里 60级已经是个相当可怕的存在 看到骑士长二话不说 就这样向自己攻来 这也让女主一瞬间就懵了 但蒙的却不是挡不挡得住 而是她不知道自己可不可以反击 国王也不先说清楚一点 但思量再三 他还是选择了最稳妥的做法 哥哥我去给他们看 有其他都看到旅游要么都有的事 这句话顿时意识激起千层浪 但作为王兜里最强的存在 骑士长的话却不由众人不信 见众人都没了质疑 随后国王让女主展示了魔法属性 下一秒女主也如国王所愿 尽管他将威力控制的很有分寸 但亲眼见到暗魔法却还是让众人大吃一惊 毕竟这在世人的眼里是只有邪恶魔物才会用的 魔法 也是这时 国王利用宫廷首席魔导师的嘴 来向群臣解释了黑头发 暗魔法并不是邪恶的象征 而是与四大属性极光属性相同 都不过是一种属性而已 如何运用权势使用者而定 而不能被他的协议外表所迷惑 并且让大家不要对女主抱有另类的看法 接着又让女主分享下 是如何年纪轻轻练到满级的 女主表示 自己先是在领地周围的森林里打倒魔物 然后用得到的资金买了 可以让经验值加速的护符 以及可以引来魔物的护摩之敌 最终在地下城里练着练着 不知不觉就99了 此言一出不要紧 在场瞬间又引起了轩然大波 然而看似很普通的操作 却连团长也表示 做不来找魔物单挑这么可怕的事 原来护符这种道具一次只能装备一种 如果想要干掉他 不满级却几乎是不可能的 别看这个名头听起来很牛叉 但他终究只是主角团 通往幸福道路上的最后一块垫脚石 根据故事本来的主线 主角团是在打倒魔王后才会与他撞见 最后在经历了一番坎坷后 主人公使用最克制他的光系魔法 才勉强将他干掉 可那毕竟是很久以后才会发生的事 如果他是五岁时就穿越过来的呢 没错女主来到这里后 便发现自己还很小 这时的她虽然还是一级 但既然知道自己有着超越魔王的潜力 并且之后还有被主角团干掉的风险 于是为了不让未来的自己在圣光中灰飞烟灭 女主觉醒前世记忆的当天 便跑到了图书馆查阅资料 她发现自己之所以在这里不受人待见 全都是因为魔王的头发是黑色的 这里的人们普遍认为黑发是邪恶的象征 就是由于这个原因 女主长到这么大 甚至还没和他的父母见过面 不过比起这些 他最在乎的还是该如何避免未来死亡的结局 回想起这个游戏的原剧情 里面全是一些充满酸臭味的恋爱故事 女主相信自己 只要尽量避免与主角团扯上关系 他就一定能过上低调安稳的学院生活 不过在此之前 最重要的还是先提升一下等级 万一他能先一步的打倒魔王 最后肯定能减少很多麻烦 要知道他的魔法便属于最邪恶的暗黑系 他自然而然就学会了使用 仅是打倒一只史莱姆 他就感觉自己变强了许多 显然这便是升级带来的效果 也是从这天开始 每当醒来后 他都会偷偷跑出去练级 从先打倒一些最低级的魔物开始 然后等等级升上来后 他又开始挑战更高等的魔物 慢慢的他也将手伸到了地下城 虽说有些魔物看起来就很牛叉 他也叫不上名字 但却无一例外 没有一只魔物是他的对手 倒是期间通过卖掉魔物体内的魔石 他却收获了不菲的财富 然后再将魔石卖掉后 买进各种道具 首先就是这个拥有经验加成的项链 等拿到这个神器 女主便开始了独自一人挑战地下城的壮举 或许是感觉自己升级的速度太慢 女主之后又买了一个可以引怪的笛子 这下地下城里的魔物便遭了殃 每当他们刚被刷新出来 女主便会按时出现几招 就将他们全部送回泉水 这样枯燥乏味的练级日子 终于在女主15岁的这天结束了 虽然他也不知道自己现在的等级是多少 但当务之急还是先来到学院报道 至此 游戏中的主线剧情便彻底展开了 首先是作为游戏女主角的粉毛 因为不小心错过了门禁 从而相识了宰相家的儿子蓝毛 又在蓝毛傲娇的提示下 粉毛又遇到了同样错过门禁的红毛 红毛作为将军家的儿子 天生就拥有一副乐于助人的热心肠 然而就在两人气氛正好的时候 红毛一个不小心竟然带着粉毛摔进了学校食堂 这一摔不要紧 粉毛竟然因此与身为王子的黄毛结下了缘分 至此粉毛便将自己的后宫成员全都认识了个遍 原本女主是故事里经常欺负主人公的恶意千金 但毕竟现在灵魂已经换了一个人 他没有兴趣 也没有时间和对方扯上关系 可想象是美好的 直到这天 女主才发现自己忘了一件事 原来按照学校的惯例 新生在初来乍到后都要先测量一下等级 在水晶球的面前 一切都无所遁形 看到主人公的等级只是一级 女主心里也不由一晃 原来她到现在都没具体测过自己的等级 听到有学生被测出了十集 便在全场引起了轰动后 女主心里就更懵了 由于之前都是自己一个人行动 她也不知道自己打倒的魔物究竟有多强 如果此时想要低调一点的话 对他来说 五级就不错 刚刚好 这时也轮到了女主 看到他走的很慢 校长还以为她是紧张了 连忙安慰她 就算是一级也不必害羞 毕竟现在才刚入学 然而不想女主担心的压根就不是这个 直到当她将手放到水晶球上后 这个女孩怎么也没想到 自己才刚入学就被测出了 古往今来都没有的99集 这按理来说是一件好事 可错就错在她不是什么好人 而是大反派 并且比魔王还要恐怖 只是由于一直都没条件测极 他也没想到最终会测出来这么高 要知道在场所有的心声中 最高也只有十几 听到大家都怀疑女主作弊 好在这时 校长让众人肃静 并表示是真是假 等到上课识字会知晓 可淡定也不过是表面上下一秒 校长变化的脸色并没有逃过女主的眼睛 尽管这让他暂时逃过了一劫 但等到放学后就没有人顾及其他了 当即就有三人来谴责女主的作弊行为 表示他竟只是为了想引人注意 就放弃了贵族的自尊 虽然不明白为何会没有人性 但三人却已经是女主的老熟人了 原来根据故事本来的主线 眼前的三人是游戏里原本女主人公的攻略对象 在搞对象的同时 未来他们将会一起打败魔王 然而对于这些女主却压根就没有兴趣 这一世他只想要安稳的生活 眼见着女主人公就在旁边不远处 并且一脸刚入学不太习惯的样子 于是他也当即就问起了三人要不要搭话 原来虽说才刚入学 但女主却知道 由于一些意外 三人都已经或多或少与对方有了牵扯 而接着也果不其然 三人也果真对他没有了兴趣 等女主再回到班里时 便发现四人已经完全打成了一片 唯有她孤零零的就坐在角落 并且时不时还能听到同学对她的议论声 没错 他被孤立了 原来直到现在为止 他的作弊行为也依旧是众人的焦点 但殊不知这却正合他所意 反而让她有些轻松 就这样当做花瓶度过3年倒也不赖 只是想象是美好的 很快便来到了上课时间 这节课是剑术指导课 好巧不巧的是 女主还正好是第一位 而她的第一个对手则是老熟人红毛 同样也是除了他以外 新生中最强的诗集 女生眼中典型的男神 然而这些却不是女主在乎的 此刻他的心中只有一个想法 那就是接下来该怎么放水 原来99集顾名思义 除了魔法以外 就算物理攻击也贼强 也就是说红毛的生死完全取决于他拿捏的力道 接着随着老师的一番话 红毛也摆起了攻击的架势 在表示不会因为女生就对他手下留情后 下一秒他就开始了进攻 然而看起来很猛 殊不知 这在女主的眼里却宛如慢动作 在随手制造了一发意外后 红毛便被摔了个狗吃屎 不过摔的这么丢人 却是女主没想到的 正当他问老师这样是否就算结束了时 却不想这对红毛而言却无异于羞辱 下一秒他就不讲武德发起了偷袭 一时不慎让女主没完全控制好力道 啊不过好在红毛命大 就在他准备送对方去医务室时 不曾想去 让老师不能淡定了 在连忙便表示自己去就行后 随后老师扛着红毛就走 而这一消失就是一节课期间 并没有再发生什么意外 毕竟这次亲眼所见 其他人压根就不敢接近女主 接着也来到了第二节魔法课 由于这节课要和其他小组一起上 因此人也不知不觉变得更多了起来 而这节课的目的 也只是检测一下众人的魔法实力 老师表示 只要能打到标靶就行 毕竟这只是第一堂课而已 这次女主不再是第一轮 仅是一会的功夫 她便见识到了好几种不同属性的魔法 每个人的水平都参差不齐 值得注意的只有两个 一个是只有女主人公才会的光明魔法 这在整个世界也是特别罕见的例子 因为光属性不仅克制暗属性 也同样是克制魔王的王牌 而另一个则是攻略对象之一的蓝毛 他所会使用的魔法竟有四种 并且每一种也都达到了驾轻就熟的地步 不过对此老师却已经见怪不怪 原来蓝毛在别的方面不说 但在魔法方面 他却是当之无愧的天才 而很快也轮到了女主 虽说他所绘的暗属性同样也很稀有 但被誉为邪恶魔法的他却并不受世人待见 不过好在也只是主观上的 因此他还是可以放心使用的 倒是以防万一 他想知道标靶的材质怎么样 如果一不小心坏了怎么办 可不想此言却引来了蓝猫的嘲讽 他都不可能 女主又怎么可能 而听老师的解释才知道 原来这个标靶没有宫廷魔导师的力量 想打坏无异于牛在天上飞 而听到这里 女主也放心了不少 随着心念一动 他也小心的使出了自己最弱的一招 看到这里 蓝毛差点就要笑出声 可唯有老师却不能淡定了 他一眼便认出了女主 不仅使出的是暗魔法 并且魔力量还不如小觑 而接着也果不其然 只见在魔法接触的瞬间 这个标靶也以诡异的形式开始了融化 等到众人再回过神时 标靶便只剩下的一双脚 虽然有些懵 其中也包括女主 但老师也连忙向众人普及 暗属性并不是邪恶魔法 历史上也有宫廷魔导士学会的例子 最不能忍受的则是蓝毛 她不能接受女主竟比自己的天赋还好 在表示不愿承认后 说完便耻辱的离去 就在老师有些傻眼时 这时黄毛也和校长一起走过来 而映入眼帘的则是一个退学通知书 原来黄毛一整天都不见 就是在说服校长让女主退学 身为国家的第二王子 他的权力在这里可谓是一手遮天 此时校长显然已经和黄毛达成了一致 他告诉女主作弊的结果不仅是退学那么简单 接下来整个国家的学校也没有人再会要她 这番操作 差点将女主给气笑 就在他打算扭头就走时 却不想老师却帮她说话 在表示女主不仅拥有很罕见的按摩法 并且还打坏了 只有宫廷魔导师才能打坏的标靶后 他告诉校长 女主的99级说不定是真的 然而不曾想 校长却不愿信 就算打破了也不足以说明女主是99级 除非他自己可以证明一下 而说着众人的目光便同时望向了女主 女主本来是不愿意暴露自己的实力的 但此情此景也实在是让她忍不住 听到老师的一再恳求 下一秒他也决定向天空释放魔法 不过在此之前 他却决定向黄毛请示一下 如果待会发生什么事 谁来负责 但不想黄毛却压根就没在意 在表示责任由自己来扛后 女主也开始考虑该使用什么等级的魔法 太弱的不行 太强的也不行 最终在思考了一番后 他决定使用一个逼格最高的暗属性魔法 在游戏里也只有他和魔王会 不过为了以防万一 他不敢全力施展 But a co 原来这招顾名思义还真的是黑洞 不仅能无条件抹去范围内的物质 并且随着魔法的慢慢扩大 范围内的空气也会慢慢消失 直至整个空间变成真空状态 如果女主不停下来的话 仅是这一招下去 这片区域的所有人都会死 不过也正因如此 很快女主也选择了停下 她并不想滥杀无辜 何况她的目的也早已达到 此刻底下的众人无一例外都只有震惊半晌 一个字也蹦不出来 而看到黄毛惊恐的样子 女主也不禁有些玩味 这绝对是1月最龙傲天 女主开学第一天 便暴露了上限为等级99的黑洞魔法 本想低调行事 安稳过日子 结果却摊上了个秀逗王子 非要作死 指控女主等级是假的 要让其退学 无奈之下 女主只好不装了 给王子放了一手满级魔法黑洞术 吓得傻王子当场尿了一地 然而黑洞术的消息很快便传到了王宫 女主也在隔天被召进宫内 国王先是替傻王子的无礼行为向女主道歉 我的那你没了什么 为了堵住群臣的嘴 证明女主的等级是真的 国王又派出等级60级的骑士团团长 来测试下女主 在这个魔王只有70级的世界里 60级已经是个相当可怕的存在 看到骑士长二话不说 就这样向自己攻来 这也让女主一瞬间就懵了 但蒙的却不是挡不挡得住 而是他不知道自己可不可以反击 国王也不先说清楚一点 但思量再三 他还是选择了最稳妥的做法 哥哥我去给他们看 有其他都看到旅游要么都有的事 这句话顿时意识激起千层浪 但作为王兜里最强的存在 骑士长的话却不由众人不信 见众人都没了质疑 随后国王让女主展示了魔法属性 下一秒女主也如国王所愿 尽管他将威力控制的很有分寸 但亲眼见到暗魔法却还是让众人大吃一惊 毕竟这在世人的眼里是只有邪恶魔物才会用的 魔法 也是这时 国王利用宫廷首席魔导师的嘴 来向群臣解释了黑头发 暗魔法并不是邪恶的象征 而是与四大属性极光属性相同 都不过是一种属性而已 如何运用权势使用者而定 而不能被他的协议外表所迷惑 并且让大家不要对女主抱有另类的看法 接着又让女主分享下 是如何年纪轻轻练到满级的 女主表示 自己先是在领地周围的森林里打倒魔物 然后用得到的资金买了 可以让经验值加速的护符 以及可以引来魔物的护摩之敌 最终在地下城里练着练着 不知不觉就99了 此言一出不要紧 在场瞬间又引起了轩然大波 然而看似很普通的操作 却连团长也表示 做不来找魔物单挑这么可怕的事 原来护符这种道具一次只能装备一种 如果想要干掉他 不满级却几乎是不可能的 别看这个名头听起来很牛叉 但他终究只是主角团 通往幸福道路上的最后一块垫脚石 根据故事本来的主线 主角团是在打倒魔王后才会与他撞见 最后在经历了一番坎坷后 主人公使用最克制他的光系魔法 才勉强将他干掉 可那毕竟是很久以后才会发生的事 如果他是五岁时就穿越过来的呢 没错女主来到这里后 便发现自己还很小 这时的她虽然还是一级 但既然知道自己有着超越魔王的潜力 并且之后还有被主角团干掉的风险 于是为了不让未来的自己在圣光中灰飞烟灭 女主觉醒前世记忆的当天 便跑到了图书馆查阅资料 她发现自己之所以在这里不受人待见 全都是因为魔王的头发是黑色的 这里的人们普遍认为黑发是邪恶的象征 就是由于这个原因 女主长到这么大 甚至还没和他的父母见过面 不过比起这些 他最在乎的还是该如何避免未来死亡的结局 回想起这个游戏的原剧情 里面全是一些充满酸臭味的恋爱故事 女主相信自己 只要尽量避免与主角团扯上关系 他就一定能过上低调安稳的学院生活 不过在此之前 最重要的还是先提升一下等级 万一他能先一步的打倒魔王 最后肯定能减少很多麻烦 要知道他的魔法便属于最邪恶的暗黑系 他自然而然就学会了使用 仅是打倒一只史莱姆 他就感觉自己变强了许多 显然这便是升级带来的效果 也是从这天开始 每当醒来后 他都会偷偷跑出去练级 从先打倒一些最低级的魔物开始 然后等等级升上来后 他又开始挑战更高等的魔物 慢慢的他也将手伸到了地下城 虽说有些魔物看起来就很牛叉 他也叫不上名字 但却无一例外 没有一只魔物是他的对手 倒是期间通过卖掉魔物体内的魔石 他却收获了不菲的财富 然后再将魔石卖掉后 买进各种道具 首先就是这个拥有经验加成的项链 等拿到这个神器 女主便开始了独自一人挑战地下城的壮举 或许是感觉自己升级的速度太慢 女主之后又买了一个可以引怪的笛子 这下地下城里的魔物便遭了殃 每当他们刚被刷新出来 女主便会按时出现几招 就将他们全部送回泉水 这样枯燥乏味的练级日子 终于在女主15岁的这天结束了 虽然他也不知道自己现在的等级是多少 但当务之急还是先来到学院报道 至此 游戏中的主线剧情便彻底展开了 首先是作为游戏女主角的粉毛 因为不小心错过了门禁 从而相识了宰相家的儿子蓝毛 又在蓝毛傲娇的提示下 粉毛又遇到了同样错过门禁的红毛 红毛作为将军家的儿子 天生就拥有一副乐于助人的热心肠 然而就在两人气氛正好的时候 红毛一个不小心竟然带着粉毛摔进了学校食堂 这一摔不要紧 粉毛竟然因此与身为王子的黄毛结下了缘分 至此粉毛便将自己的后宫成员全都认识了个遍 原本女主是故事里经常欺负主人公的恶意千金 但毕竟现在灵魂已经换了一个人 他没有兴趣 也没有时间和对方扯上关系 可想象是美好的 直到这天 女主才发现自己忘了一件事 原来按照学校的惯例 新生在初来乍到后都要先测量一下等级 在水晶球的面前 一切都无所遁形 看到主人公的等级只是一级 女主心里也不由一晃 原来她到现在都没具体测过自己的等级 听到有学生被测出了十集 便在全场引起了轰动后 女主心里就更懵了 由于之前都是自己一个人行动 她也不知道自己打倒的魔物究竟有多强 如果此时想要低调一点的话 对他来说 五级就不错 刚刚好 这时也轮到了女主 看到他走的很慢 校长还以为她是紧张了 连忙安慰他 就算是一级也不必害羞 毕竟现在才刚入学 然而不想女主担心的压根就不是这个 直到当她将手放到水晶球上后 这个女孩怎么也没想到 自己才刚入学就被测出了 古往今来都没有的99集 这按理来说是一件好事 可错就错在她不是什么好人 而是大反派 并且比魔王还要恐怖 只是由于一直都没条件测极 他也没想到最终会测出来这么高 要知道在场所有的心声中 最高也只有十几 听到大家都怀疑女主作弊 好在这时 校长让众人肃静 并表示是真是假 等到上课识字会知晓 可淡定也不过是表面上下一秒 校长变化的脸色并没有逃过女主的眼睛 尽管这让他暂时逃过了一劫 但等到放学后就没有人顾及其他了 当即就有三人来谴责女主的作弊行为 表示他竟只是为了想引人注意 就放弃了贵族的自尊 虽然不明白为何会没有人性 但三人却已经是女主的老熟人了 原来根据故事本来的主线 眼前的三人是游戏里原本女主人公的攻略对象 在搞对象的同时 未来他们将会一起打败魔王 然而对于这些女主却压根就没有兴趣 这一世他只想要安稳的生活 眼见着女主人公就在旁边不远处 并且一脸刚入学不太习惯的样子 于是他也当即就问起了三人要不要搭话 原来虽说才刚入学 但女主却知道 由于一些意外 三人都已经或多或少与对方有了牵扯 而接着也果不其然 三人也果真对他没有了兴趣 等女主再回到班里时 便发现四人已经完全打成了一片 唯有她孤零零的就坐在角落 并且时不时还能听到同学对她的议论声 没错 他被孤立了 原来直到现在为止 他的作弊行为也依旧是众人的焦点 但殊不知这却正合他所意 反而让她有些轻松 就这样当做花瓶度过3年倒也不赖 只是想象是美好的 很快便来到了上课时间 这节课是剑术指导课 好巧不巧的是 女主还正好是第一位 而她的第一个对手则是老熟人红毛 同样也是除了他以外 新生中最强的诗集 女生眼中典型的男神 然而这些却不是女主在乎的 此刻他的心中只有一个想法 那就是接下来该怎么放水 原来99集顾名思义 除了魔法以外 就算物理攻击也贼强 也就是说红毛的生死完全取决于他拿捏的力道 接着随着老师的一番话 红毛也摆起了攻击的架势 在表示不会因为女生就对他手下留情后 下一秒他就开始了进攻 然而看起来很猛 殊不知 这在女主的眼里却宛如慢动作 在随手制造了一发意外后 红毛便被摔了个狗吃屎 不过摔的这么丢人 却是女主没想到的 正当他问老师这样是否就算结束了时 却不想这对红毛而言却无异于羞辱 下一秒他就不讲武德发起了偷袭 一时不慎让女主没完全控制好力道 啊不过好在红毛命大 就在他准备送对方去医务室时 不曾想去 让老师不能淡定了 在连忙便表示自己去就行后 随后老师扛着红毛就走 而这一消失就是一节课期间 并没有再发生什么意外 毕竟这次亲眼所见 其他人压根就不敢接近女主 接着也来到了第二节魔法课 由于这节课要和其他小组一起上 因此人也不知不觉变得更多了起来 而这节课的目的 也只是检测一下众人的魔法实力 老师表示 只要能打到标靶就行 毕竟这只是第一堂课而已 这次女主不再是第一轮 仅是一会的功夫 她便见识到了好几种不同属性的魔法 每个人的水平都参差不齐 值得注意的只有两个 一个是只有女主人公才会的光明魔法 这在整个世界也是特别罕见的例子 因为光属性不仅克制暗属性 也同样是克制魔王的王牌 而另一个则是攻略对象之一的蓝毛 他所会使用的魔法竟有四种 并且每一种也都达到了驾轻就熟的地步 不过对此老师却已经见怪不怪 原来蓝毛在别的方面不说 但在魔法方面 他却是当之无愧的天才 而很快也轮到了女主 虽说他所绘的暗属性同样也很稀有 但被誉为邪恶魔法的他却并不受世人待见 不过好在也只是主观上的 因此他还是可以放心使用的 倒是以防万一 他想知道标靶的材质怎么样 如果一不小心坏了怎么办 可不想此言却引来了蓝毛的嘲讽 她都不可能 女主又怎么可能 而听老师的解释才知道 原来这个标靶没有宫廷魔导师的力量 想打坏无异于牛在天上飞 而听到这里 女主也放心了不少 随着心念一动 他也小心的使出了自己最弱的一招 看到这里 蓝毛差点就要笑出声 可唯有老师却不能淡定了 她一眼便认出了女主 不仅使出的是暗魔法 并且魔力量还不如小觑 而接着也果不其然 只见在魔法接触的瞬间 这个标靶也以诡异的形式开始了融化 等到众人再回过神时 标靶便只剩下的一双脚 虽然有些懵 其中也包括女主 但老师也连忙向众人普及 暗属性并不是邪恶魔法 历史上也有宫廷魔导师学会的例子 最不能忍受的则是蓝毛 他不能接受女主竟比自己的天赋还好 在表示不愿承认后 说完便耻辱的离去 就在老师有些傻眼时 这时黄毛也和校长一起走过来 而映入眼帘的则是一个退学通知书 原来黄毛一整天都不见 就是在说服校长让女主退学 身为国家的第二王子 他的权力在这里可谓是一手遮天 此时校长显然已经和黄毛达成了一致 他告诉女主作弊的结果不仅是退学那么简单 接下来整个国家的学校也没有人再会要她 这番操作 差点将女主给气笑 就在他打算扭头就走时 却不想老师却帮她说话 在表示女主不仅拥有很罕见的按摩法 并且还打坏了 只有宫廷魔导师才能打坏的标靶后 他告诉校长 女主的99级说不定是真的 然而不曾想 校长却不愿信 就算打破了也不足以说明女主是99级 除非他自己可以证明一下 而说着众人的目光便同时望向了女主 女主本来是不愿意暴露自己的实力的 但此情此景也实在是让她忍不住 听到老师的一再恳求 下一秒她也决定向天空释放魔法 不过在此之前 他却决定向黄毛请示一下 如果待会发生什么事 谁来负责 但不想黄毛却压根就没在意 在表示责任由自己来扛后 女主也开始考虑该使用什么等级的魔法 太弱的不行 太强的也不行 最终在思考了一番后 他决定使用一个逼格最高的暗属性魔法 在游戏里也只有他和魔王会 不过为了以防万一 他不敢全力施展 原来这招顾名思义还真的是黑洞 不仅能无条件抹去范围内的物质 并且随着魔法的慢慢扩大 范围内的空气也会慢慢消失 直至整个空间变成真空状态 如果女主不停下来的话 仅是这一招下去 这片区域的所有人都会死 不过也正因如此 很快女主也选择了停下 她并不想滥杀无辜 何况她的目的也早已达到 此刻底下的众人无一例外都只有震惊半晌 一个字也蹦不出来 而看到黄毛惊恐的样子 女主也不禁有些玩味 这绝对是1月最龙傲天 女主开学第一天 便暴露了上限为等级99的黑洞魔法 本想低调行事 安稳过日子 结果却摊上了个秀逗王子 非要作死 指控女主等级是假的 要让其退学 无奈之下 女主只好不装了 给王子放了一手满级魔法黑洞术 吓得傻王子当场尿了一地 然而黑洞术的消息很快便传到了王宫 女主也在隔天被召进宫内 国王先是替傻王子的无礼行为向女主道歉 我的那你没什么 为了堵住群臣的嘴 证明女主的等级是真的 国王又派出等级60级的骑士团团长 来测试下女主 在这个魔王只有70级的世界里 60级已经是个相当可怕的存在 看到骑士长二话不说 就这样向自己攻来 这也让女主一瞬间就懵了 但蒙的却不是挡不挡得住 而是她不知道自己可不可以反击 国王也不先说清楚一点 但思量再三 他还是选择了最稳妥的做法 哥哥我去给他们看 这句话顿时意识激起千层浪 但作为王兜里最强的存在 骑士长的话却不由众人不信 见众人都没了质疑 随后国王让女主展示了魔法属性 下一秒女主也如国王所愿 尽管他将威力控制的很有分寸 但亲眼见到暗魔法却还是让众人大吃一惊 毕竟这在世人的眼里是只有邪恶魔物才会用的 魔法 也是这时 国王利用宫廷首席魔导师的嘴 来向群臣解释了黑头发 暗魔法并不是邪恶的象征 而是与四大属性极光属性相同 都不过是一种属性而已 如何运用权势使用者而定 而不能被他的协议外表所迷惑 并且让大家不要对女主抱有另类的看法 接着又让女主分享下 是如何年纪轻轻练到满级的 女主表示 自己先是在领地周围的森林里打倒魔物 然后用得到的资金买了 可以让经验值加速的护符 以及可以引来魔物的护摩之敌 最终在地下城里练着练着 不知不觉就99了 此言一出不要紧 在场瞬间又引起了轩然大波 然而看似很普通的操作 却连团长也表示 做不来找魔物单挑这么可怕的事 原来护符这种道具一次只能装备一种 如果想要干掉他 不满级却几乎是不可能的 别看这个名头听起来很牛叉 但他终究只是主角团 通往幸福道路上的最后一块垫脚石 根据故事本来的主线 主角团是在打倒魔王后才会与他撞见 最后在经历了一番坎坷后 主人公使用最克制他的光系魔法 才勉强将他干掉 可那毕竟是很久以后才会发生的事 如果他是五岁时就穿越过来的呢 没错女主来到这里后 便发现自己还很小 这时的她虽然还是一级 但既然知道自己有着超越魔王的潜力 并且之后还有被主角团干掉的风险 于是为了不让未来的自己在圣光中灰飞烟灭 女主觉醒前世记忆的当天 便跑到了图书馆查阅资料 她发现自己之所以在这里不受人待见 全都是因为魔王的头发是黑色的 这里的人们普遍认为黑发是邪恶的象征 就是由于这个原因 女主长到这么大 甚至还没和他的父母见过面 不过比起这些 他最在乎的还是该如何避免未来死亡的结局 回想起这个游戏的原剧情 里面全是一些充满酸臭味的恋爱故事 女主相信自己 只要尽量避免与主角团扯上关系 他就一定能过上低调安稳的学院生活 不过在此之前 最重要的还是先提升一下等级 万一他能先一步的打倒魔王 最后肯定能减少很多麻烦 要知道他的魔法便属于最邪恶的暗黑系 他自然而然就学会了使用 仅是打倒一只史莱姆 他就感觉自己变强了许多 显然这便是升级带来的效果 也是从这天开始 每当醒来后 他都会偷偷跑出去练级 从先打倒一些最低级的魔物开始 然后等等级升上来后 他又开始挑战更高等的魔物 慢慢的他也将手伸到了地下城 虽说有些魔物看起来就很牛叉 他也叫不上名字 但却无一例外 没有一只魔物是他的对手 倒是期间通过卖掉魔物体内的魔石 他却收获了不菲的财富 然后再将魔石卖掉后 买进各种道具 首先就是这个拥有经验加成的项链 等拿到这个神器 女主便开始了独自一人挑战地下城的壮举 或许是感觉自己升级的速度太慢 女主之后又买了一个可以引怪的笛子 这下地下城里的魔物便遭了殃 每当他们刚被刷新出来 女主便会按时出现几招 就将他们全部送回泉水 这样枯燥乏味的练级日子 终于在女主15岁的这天结束了 虽然他也不知道自己现在的等级是多少 但当务之急还是先来到学院报道 至此 游戏中的主线剧情便彻底展开了 首先是作为游戏女主角的粉毛 因为不小心错过了门禁 从而相识了宰相家的儿子蓝毛 又在蓝毛傲娇的提示下 粉毛又遇到了同样错过门禁的红毛 红毛作为将军家的儿子 天生就拥有一副乐于助人的热心肠 然而就在两人气氛正好的时候 红毛一个不小心竟然带着粉毛摔进了学校食堂 这一摔不要紧 粉毛竟然因此与身为王子的黄毛结下了缘分 至此粉毛便将自己的后宫成员全都认识了个遍 原本女主是故事里经常欺负主人公的恶意千金 但毕竟现在灵魂已经换了一个人 他没有兴趣 也没有时间和对方扯上关系 可想象是美好的 直到这天 女主才发现自己忘了一件事 原来按照学校的惯例 新生在初来乍到后都要先测量一下等级 在水晶球的面前 一切都无所遁形 看到主人公的等级只是一级 女主心里也不由一晃 原来她到现在都没具体测过自己的等级 听到有学生被测出了十集 便在全场引起了轰动后 女主心里就更懵了 由于之前都是自己一个人行动 她也不知道自己打倒的魔物究竟有多强 如果此时想要低调一点的话 对他来说 五级就不错 刚刚好 这时也轮到了女主 看到他走的很慢 校长还以为她是紧张了 连忙安慰他 就算是一级也不必害羞 毕竟现在才刚入学 然而不想女主担心的压根就不是这个 直到当她将手放到水晶球上后 这个女孩怎么也没想到 自己才刚入学就被测出了 古往今来都没有的99集 这按理来说是一件好事 可错就错在她不是什么好人 而是大反派 并且比魔王还要恐怖 只是由于一直都没条件测极 他也没想到最终会测出来这么高 要知道在场所有的心声中 最高也只有十几 听到大家都怀疑女主作弊 好在这时 校长让众人肃静 并表示是真是假 等到上课识字会知晓 可淡定也不过是表面上下一秒 校长变化的脸色并没有逃过女主的眼睛 尽管这让他暂时逃过了一劫 但等到放学后就没有人顾及其他了 当即就有三人来谴责女主的作弊行为 表示他竟只是为了想引人注意 就放弃了贵族的自尊 虽然不明白为何会没有人性 但三人却已经是女主的老熟人了 原来根据故事本来的主线 眼前的三人是游戏里原本女主人公的攻略对象 在搞对象的同时 未来他们将会一起打败魔王 然而对于这些女主却压根就没有兴趣 这一世他只想要安稳的生活 眼见着女主人公就在旁边不远处 并且一脸刚入学不太习惯的样子 于是他也当即就问起了三人要不要搭话 原来虽说才刚入学 但女主却知道 由于一些意外 三人都已经或多或少与对方有了牵扯 而接着也果不其然 三人也果真对他没有了兴趣 等女主再回到班里时 便发现四人已经完全打成了一片 唯有她孤零零的就坐在角落 并且时不时还能听到同学对她的议论声 没错 他被孤立了 原来直到现在为止 他的作弊行为也依旧是众人的焦点 但殊不知这却正合他所意 反而让她有些轻松 就这样当做花瓶度过3年倒也不赖 只是想象是美好的 很快便来到了上课时间 这节课是剑术指导课 好巧不巧的是 女主还正好是第一位 而她的第一个对手则是老熟人红毛 同样也是除了他以外 新生中最强的诗集 女生眼中典型的男神 然而这些却不是女主在乎的 此刻她的心中只有一个想法 那就是接下来该怎么放水 原来99集顾名思义 除了魔法以外 就算物理攻击也贼强 也就是说红毛的生死完全取决于他拿捏的力道 接着随着老师的一番话 红毛也摆起了攻击的架势 在表示不会因为女生就对他手下留情后 下一秒他就开始了进攻 然而看起来很猛 殊不知 这在女主的眼里却宛如慢动作 在随手制造了一发意外后 红毛便被摔了个狗吃屎 不过摔的这么丢人 却是女主没想到的 正当他问老师这样是否就算结束了时 却不想这对红毛而言却无异于羞辱 下一秒他就不讲武德发起了偷袭 一时不慎让女主没完全控制好力道 啊不过好在红毛命大 就在他准备送对方去医务室时 不曾想去 让老师不能淡定了 在连忙便表示自己去就行后 随后老师扛着红毛就走 而这一消失就是一节课期间 并没有再发生什么意外 毕竟这次亲眼所见 其他人压根就不敢接近女主 接着也来到了第二节魔法课 由于这节课要和其他小组一起上 因此人也不知不觉变得更多了起来 而这节课的目的 也只是检测一下众人的魔法实力 老师表示 只要能打到标靶就行 毕竟这只是第一堂课而已 这次女主不再是第一轮 仅是一会的功夫 她便见识到了好几种不同属性的魔法 每个人的水平都参差不齐 值得注意的只有两个 一个是只有女主人公才会的光明魔法 这在整个世界也是特别罕见的例子 因为光属性不仅克制暗属性 也同样是克制魔王的王牌 而另一个则是攻略对象之一的蓝毛 他所会使用的魔法竟有四种 并且每一种也都达到了驾轻就熟的地步 不过对此老师却已经见怪不怪 原来蓝毛在别的方面不说 但在魔法方面 他却是当之无愧的天才 而很快也轮到了女主 虽说他所绘的暗属性同样也很稀有 但被誉为邪恶魔法的他却并不受世人待见 不过好在也只是主观上的 因此他还是可以放心使用的 倒是以防万一 他想知道标靶的材质怎么样 如果一不小心坏了怎么办 可不想此言却引来了蓝猫的嘲讽 她都不可能 女主又怎么可能 而听老师的解释才知道 原来这个标靶没有宫廷魔导师的力量 想打坏无异于牛在天上飞 而听到这里 女主也放心了不少 随着心念一动 他也小心的使出了自己最弱的一招 看到这里 蓝毛差点就要笑出声 可唯有老师却不能淡定了 他一眼便认出了女主 不仅使出的是暗魔法 并且魔力量还不如小觑 而接着也果不其然 只见在魔法接触的瞬间 这个标靶也以诡异的形式开始了融化 等到众人再回过神时 标靶便只剩下的一双脚 虽然有些懵 其中也包括女主 但老师也连忙向众人普及 暗属性并不是邪恶魔法 历史上也有宫廷魔导师学会的例子 最不能忍受的则是蓝毛 他不能接受女主竟比自己的天赋还好 在表示不愿承认后 说完便耻辱的离去 就在老师有些傻眼时 这时黄毛也和校长一起走过来 而映入眼帘的则是一个退学通知书 原来黄毛一整天都不见 就是在说服校长让女主退学 身为国家的第二王子 他的权力在这里可谓是一手遮天 此时校长显然已经和黄毛达成了一致 他告诉女主作弊的结果不仅是退学那么简单 接下来整个国家的学校也没有人再会要他 这番操作 差点将女主给气笑 就在他打算扭头就走时 却不想老师却帮她说话 在表示女主不仅拥有很罕见的按摩法 并且还打坏了 只有宫廷魔导师才能打坏的标靶后 他告诉校长 女主的99级说不定是真的 然而不曾想 校长却不愿信 就算打破了也不足以说明女主是99级 除非他自己可以证明一下 而说着众人的目光便同时望向了女主 女主本来是不愿意暴露自己的实力的 但此情此景也实在是让她忍不住 听到老师的一再恳求 下一秒她也决定向天空释放魔法 不过在此之前 他却决定向黄毛请示一下 如果待会发生什么事 谁来负责 但不想黄毛却压根就没在意 在表示责任由自己来扛后 女主也开始考虑该使用什么等级的魔法 太弱的不行 太强的也不行 最终在思考了一番后 他决定使用一个逼格最高的暗属性魔法 在游戏里也只有他和魔王会 不过为了以防万一 他不敢全力施展 原来这招顾名思义还真的是黑洞 不仅能无条件抹去范围内的物质 并且随着魔法的慢慢扩大 范围内的空气也会慢慢消失 直至整个空间变成真空状态 如果女主不停下来的话 仅是这一招下去 这片区域的所有人都会死 不过也正因如此 很快女主也选择了停下 她并不想滥杀无辜 何况她的目的也早已达到 此刻底下的众人无一例外都只有震惊半晌 一个字也蹦不出来 而看到黄毛惊恐的样子 女主也不禁有些玩味 这绝对是1月最龙傲天 女主开学第一天 便暴露了上限为等级99的黑洞魔法 本想低调行事 安稳过日子 结果却摊上了个秀逗王子 非要作死 指控女主等级是假的 要让其退学 无奈之下 女主只好不装了 给王子放了一手满级魔法黑洞术 吓得傻王子当场尿了一地 然而黑洞术的消息很快便传到了王宫 女主也在隔天被召进宫内 国王先是替傻王子的无礼行为向女主道歉 我的那你没了什么 为了堵住群臣的嘴 证明女主的等级是真的 国王又派出等级60级的骑士团团长 来测试下女主 在这个魔王只有70级的世界里 60级已经是个相当可怕的存在 看到骑士长二话不说 就这样向自己攻来 这也让女主一瞬间就懵了 但蒙的却不是挡不挡的住 而是他不知道自己可不可以反击 国王也不先说清楚一点 但思量再三 他还是选择了最稳妥的做法 哥哥我去给他们看 有看到看爱旅游有吗 都有的 这句话顿时一时激起千层浪 但作为王兜里最强的存在 骑士长的话却不由众人不信 见众人都没了质疑 随后国王让女主展示了魔法属性 下一秒女主也如国王所愿 尽管他将威力控制的很有分寸 但亲眼见到暗魔法却还是让众人大吃一惊 毕竟这在世人的眼里是只有邪恶魔物才会用的 魔法 也是这时 国王利用宫廷首席魔导师的嘴 来向群臣解释了黑头发 暗魔法并不是邪恶的象征 而是与四大属性极光属性相同 都不过是一种属性而已 如何运用权势使用者而定 而不能被他的协议外表所迷惑 并且让大家不要对女主抱有另类的看法 接着又让女主分享下 是如何年纪轻轻练到满级的 女主表示 自己先是在领地周围的森林里打倒魔物 然后用得到的资金买了 可以让经验值加速的护符 以及可以引来魔物的护摩之敌 最终在地下城里练着练着 不知不觉就99了 此言一出不要紧 在场瞬间又引起了轩然大波 然而看似很普通的操作 却连团长也表示 做不来找魔物单挑这么可怕的事 原来护符这种道具一次只能装备一种 如果想要末日来临 暴风雪呼啸 当我窝在农村的自建别墅里涮着羊肉火锅 前妻和小白脸却冻得相拥在一起 啃着发毒的干巴馒头 自我安慰 我们有钱有钱就能买到一切 我想起前世被他砍死的场景 有钱先买到自己的命再说吧 我重生回来了 正巧碰到苏珊 嚷嚷着要跟我离婚 我敛住汹涌的恨意 一口答应 也没想到我突然松口 放弃纠缠 不敢相信的连连质问 真的答应跟我离婚了 你可别再耍什么花招 我看了眼时间 距离天灾来临还有十天时间不多了 现在马上我们去民政局路上 看着身边人满脸得意洋洋 眉眼间掩不住的春色 我努力克制住杀掉他的冲动 饥寒交迫之际 他拿起斧头冲向我 那剧痛仿佛还残留在天灵盖上 这一世我要让他血债血偿 划分财产的时候 我只要了家里的所有的存款 共20万 还有一辆车 苏珊一口答应 还朝着我邀功看 我对你好吧 我都净身出户了 我笑得满含讥讽 却故作不知 房子不是留给你了吗 还以为我不知道他中了1亿彩票大奖 想在兑奖前逼走我 独吞巨额奖金 前世的我并不知情 还妄想着挽回感情 直到他带着他的小白脸回到家 我才知道 原来我以为的好老婆早就和别的男人勾搭成奸 天灾来临 暴风雪持续肆虐 我们三人同在一个屋阁下 物资有限 他们两人不仅抢走我仅有的面包 还逼我在极寒天气出门抢物资 可我抵死不从 争执之下 前妻抄起手边的斧头 狠狠地劈向了我 意识残留之际 还看到那两个恶魔 双眼放光 快快这可是新鲜的肉 我也没有要房子 城市里的楼房在末日不仅一点用处都没有 还会遭到邻居的攻击 这一世就让那里成为苏珊的棺材吧 提交了离婚申请书 我就赶紧开车回家收拾行李 收拾到一半 苏珊也回来了 看她掩饰不住的喜意 我猜应该是把1亿奖金拿到手了 但我毫不理会 继续整理着我的那些衣物 特别是加棉加厚的冬装 再见了季坤 带着你的那些破烂滚回你的农村去吧 我要出去玩了 苏珊一走 我马不停蹄地翻箱倒柜 她的冬装全都带走 跟前世一样 他是跟小白脸去了三亚海边 回来的时候 正好碰上极寒天气 开始轻薄的衣物 让他们刚出机舱就冷的受不了 从而把火气撒到因冷热交替染上风寒 险些迟到的我身上 真是废物 开个车都不会路过厨房扫荡的时候 我还不经意瞅到了一把眼熟的斧头 这本是用来砍大棒骨的 没想到前世却成了我致死的凶器 凝视片刻 然后顺手把它拿出来 给放到了桌子上 最后我环视了一眼 这个看起来没什么变化 实则空空如也的房子 给几个关键的隐蔽位置装上了实时监视器 处理完毕 我带着东西开车连夜赶回市郊的农村家里 见到爸妈 我的泪立马忍不住流了下来 前世断电断网 我也没能和他们取得最后的联系 也不知道他们有没有熬过那场天灾 看到我哭 他们慌了神 连忙追问怎么回事 我犹豫再三 还是把所有的事都和他们说了 也包括天灾重生 气得我妈泪水呜咽 我爸捡烟怒骂爸妈 现在不是说这个的时候 我们要赶紧改造房屋 屯食品物资 我爸把烟一掐 干脆道行 你说咋办就咋办 为了提高房屋的稳定性 我喊来了工程队来做全楼加固 还做了双层保暖 窗户也全都换成最坚固的三层玻璃 楼顶安装了五块巨大的太阳能发电板 将整个屋顶盖的严严实实 到时候断电了 能靠自发电过日子 还要有发热源 现在农村都靠燃气取暖 可到时候燃气一断 暖气片变得冰凉 照样会受冻 我从仓库翻出早已替换掉的烧火炉 这种炉子靠燃烧煤炭产生热量 小时候的冬天就是这样度过的 可这炉子许久未用 早已锈迹斑斑 灰尘满满 我爸看到我在犯难 问清楚怎么回事后 哈哈一笑 现在都买不到煤炭了 这炉子就算能用也用不了 我去给你买个好的 日喜时分 我爸领着一辆小货车回来了 上面舞台崭新的颗粒取暖炉 还有上百袋子的颗粒燃料 颗粒取暖炉能烧水做饭 燃料耐用 环保安全 我在二楼的两间卧室 还有客厅都各放一台 剩下两台放到三楼 燃料我就多放到了一楼 到时候雪厚达十多米 一楼完全不能住人 所以我把它当成仓库使用 公认安装完排烟管 夜色就已经很深了 我们一家三口匆匆吃完饭就躺床上养精蓄锐 迎接明天的大战 第二天兵分三路 我爸去附近集市上购买现宰杀的猪羊牛鸡鸭肉 我驱车去大型超市采购消耗品 日用品以及素食 我妈则留在家中采摘菜园子里的瓜果蔬菜 正值9月 蔬果丰收也是有不小的收获 到了超市 我先是购买了十多匹轻柔保暖的羽绒被 电热毯 还有填容量最高的长款羽绒服 以及最贵最轻薄的保暖衣物 再就是纸巾 消毒水和日化用品 我一箱一箱的往购物车里搬 这些东西保质期长 多囤点也不会浪费素食 我也拿了不少 万一真到没法开火的时候 这些东西还能顶饱 从超市出来 途经一家劳保店 又进去买了军大衣 防水雨靴 羽绒防水手套和加棉口罩 按照我的预测 如果顺利熬过天灾 天气会变得更冷一段时间 到时候还需要人为的去铲除大量的积雪 融雪排水 这些都会用到 我开的是越野车 容量不大 往返三遍才把东西都拉回家里 我爸肉买的也不少 除了猪羊牛鸡鸭肉之外 还有各类骨头鱼和活虾 螃蟹 正是肥美的时候 他也买了五箱子回来 还租用了五台商用冰柜用来储存肉类 虽然暴风雪时天气极冷 没有取暖炉的一楼就是个天然冰窟 但这几天这些肉类还是需要冰柜来储藏的 外出采购结束了 接下来我们开始帮妈妈采摘瓜果 我爸则趁这个空又去批发了一堆调味品 还有油米灭也装了满满一车 拉回来 我打开手机看看外面世界的情况 朋友圈一刷就出现了前妻的大脸 以及和他亲密脸 贴脸的小白脸 剩下几张不难看出他们在三亚玩的很是快活 住着好几千一晚上的星级酒店 吃着海鲜大餐 我真心的给他点了个赞 玩吧玩吧 好好玩 享受人生中最后的快活时光吧 我舒舒服服的洗了个澡 突然我意识到一个问题 让我浑身汗毛竖起 没有存水 暴风雪断的不只是电 还有水 水管冻住 水箱冻裂 只能靠接的雪化成水来解渴 温度低 融化的慢 不说那些血还极脏 化出来的水往往掺杂着灰尘沙粒 前世前世和小白脸喝的是纯的矿泉水 我只能喝血水 喝完腹痛难耐 腹泻不止 根本不能喝 这个时候距离前世的天灾来临只剩不到五天了 我连忙试探头发 去找我爸 想解决办法 我妈拿着条毛巾追在我身后给我擦 急什么急什么 头发不及时吹干 会头疼的 我爸听完我的诉求 笑得高深莫测 原来我爸早就想到这个问题了 联系了一位干工厂的叔叔 定制了三个不锈钢水箱 不仅保暖 还是304材质的 等拉来一看 面积足足占了大半个院子 这存的水量 至少能够我们一家三口用上大半年了 再省着点用一年也没有问题 还买了个大型净水器 如果水出现了污染 也不至于束手无策 解决完这个大事 我又细细回想前世发生的一切 想着还需要做什么 我爸我妈却突然想到了一件事 地里的玉米还没收 虽说那玉米的水分还没干透 还不到收割的时候 可暴雪来临 糟蹋了总归可惜 他们又忙联系收割机提前收玉米 这下终于引起村里人的注意了 他们纷纷站在地头上指指点点 我看你们是种果树 种糊涂了 这距离收玉米至少还得需要十天呢 你这提前收了会发霉 不说玉米贩子一看湿度太大 也不会要你们的呀 我爸妈笑着说 不碍事 我一好心提醒叔叔伯伯们 今年这天气感觉不太正常 还是早点收了安心 他们嗤之以鼻 你小子懂什么 你下过几次地 我爸妈听后毫不理会 我却有些忐忑 临近天灾来临 这天气却没一点变化 我既然能重生 那天灾会不会也不再重现 如果没像前世那样发生 那这季的收成可真是损失不少 我将担忧讲给他们听 爸妈却一脸不以为然 如果没发生 那自然最好一片玉米地 买一个安心也值了 第二天天气巨变 本来第一场秋雨过后 已经是秋高气爽的天气突然急剧升温 气温一度升至40度 全国各地都在哀嚎嚷着 这秋老虎太厉害了 我的心越来越沉 果然来了 前世也是聚热了两天 在第三天的下午 忽然刮起大风 温度骤降 然后暴雪接踵而至 我在相关的帖子底下留言说 这天气不正常 建议囤点物资 以防不测 结果引来一片嘲讽 你是来卖物资的吧 又一个看末日小说看啥的 谁家这么热的天气吞食物 我有些无力 希望我那短暂存在的回复 多多少少能引起点人们的关注 如果有人听劝 那最好不过了 把手机扔一旁 我又投入到忙碌中 时间紧迫 我爸正在安装每个楼层之间的隔挡 到时候可以缩小空间 增强取暖效果 我妈则依然围着灶台转悠 蒸馒头 蒸包子 烙饼还包了不少水饺 到时候可以直接下锅吃 时间就这样加速过去 突然手机中的监控软件提醒我前妻的那所房子 有人来了 我一看是他和小白脸提前回来了 比前世早了一天 虽然不知道他们为何改变了行程 但我透过监视器观察到他们并没有什么异常 两人吐槽了下 这该死的炎热天气后就睡了 可他们想不到的是 一觉睡醒 迎接他们的是世界巨变 9月5日下午 暴风雪如期而至 我望着窗外的鹅毛大雪 庆幸一切都安排妥当 手里的20万存款全部花光 加上爸妈出了几万块钱 采购的物资足以够挺一段时间 网上有人在骂这该死的鬼天气 有人问是不是哪里有冤情 也有人意识到了不对 开始提倡囤点物资 特别是到了傍晚时分 雪还没有停的意思 越下越后 从卧室出来 想看他晚饭吃什么 可客厅净空无一人 我跑到一楼才找到了我妈 他止不住地朝门外张望 妈怎么了 你爸他他还没有回来 今天中午吃完饭 他看着起风了 就说要回你爷爷家拿点东西 妈 你先别急 我现在就开车去找爸 暴雪天能见度极低 同时地上的积雪也让人寸步难行 就在这时啊 幸亏我想的周到 早给轮胎加上防滑链 要不然啊我到半夜才能回来呢 还挺有脸是吧 害得我和儿子快要吓死了 我爸也不努力 搬到车上往下搬东西 先是一些农用工具 还有一把电锯 这些工具不仅能够铲取 关键时刻还能防身在末世 往往人比自然环境更加危险 再就是挤麻袋的柿子 你娘俩最爱吃的脆柿子是咱老家门前的那棵树 结的熟的差不多了 我就给打下来了 不知是风太大了还是怎么的 我眼前被一层泪模糊了视线 这时车上跑下来一条狗 老爸说看他可怜就给带回来了 看你长得这么彪 以后你就叫刀哥了 嘿嘿嘿嘿 夜里风从门缝里刮进来 呜呜作响 我被吵得睡不着 这时我看见客厅亮着灯 是老爸拿着厚实的塑料布 准备把窗户钉上 这样做既防风又保暖 爸你盯上的这不透气性怎么样 别到时候咱们闷出病了 好像忘了和你说了 房屋加固的时候 我还顺便做了新风系统 再怎么封窗 空气雅也绝对新鲜 我再一次为我爸的先见之明竖起了大拇指 见没什么需要我帮忙的 我就回到了房间 我拿起手机准备上网冲会浪 就在这时 定睛一看 来电人就是苏珊鸡坤 家里厚被子呢 我都快被冻死了哦 厚被子啊 那是我买的 咱俩离婚了 肯定是被我带走了 连床被子都要计较 你就是个只配用破烂的乡下人命 我懒得听他说话 直接挂断了电话 接着打开了监控 他敢挂我电话 气死我了 还有这破空调是不是坏了 一点都不制热 好了好了 宝宝雪 说不定明天就停了 咱们抱着睡不冷滴 嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿 亲你们就好好抱着吧 现在物资也囤的很多 房子也改造的差不多了 可我总觉得还是不够 因为前世我并没有活很长时间 这场灾难会持续多长时间 我也不清楚 我现在能做的就是尽量活的够长 按照前世记忆 明天应该会停几天雪 然后真正的灾难就会到来 这两天得想办法继续囤点东西 叮庇护所改造目标完成物资收集目标完成 系统开启 恭喜宿主开启末日仓库系统 我去我也有系统了 哈哈系统还真是重生者标配啊 听这系统名字应该会给我个仓库吧 对的 本系统会给予宿主一个E空间仓库 除了此功能外 其他功能暂未解锁 解锁其他功能需要宿主存活足够的天数 系统功能解锁需要存活天数 看来这个灾难会持续很长时间 打开异次元空间 哦我乐个逗 这么大的空间能装多少东西啊 地方不够的问题解决了 现在要做的就是尽可能多囤点东西 唉缺钱啊 还得想办法弄点钱 明早和爸妈商量下吧 本次暴雪天气已过 后续天气将持续转晴 爸现在回温只是暂时的 两天后真正的灾难才会到 生怕老爸不信 我又加了句 我说的是真的 你要相信我闻言 怎么会不信 你是我儿子 我是你老子 我不信你信谁 我同老爸说了下 我们现在还需要买东西 同时我也说了这个神秘的仓库 但没有说细的 所以我们还需要买东西 因为我也不知道灾难什么时候会结束 现在最大的问题就是钱不够 傻儿子 咱们可以找银行啊 我和老爸立马开车来到银行 当然我们是来贷款的呀 可不是来抢劫的哦 贷完款 我们朝着超市走去 我们准备把之前买的东西再买一点点 买完东西找了个没人的地方 把这些吃食和用品一股脑全扔到系统仓库里 只留下一车的物资 放在车后 别问为啥不全放进空间里 问就是车开都开来了 不拉点东西 感觉怪怪的 回去途中我打开手机 发现网上也有开始提倡囤点物资的人 这一次网友的反应不像上次我说的那么激烈 也有附和的声音 但是绝大部分还是不以为然 我打开了监控 日常看下前妻他们在干嘛 她正在和小白脸吵架 珊珊外卖根本没人接单啊 跑腿也没有 我给你钱 你出去买点东西回来吃 珊珊 你看我这个小身板一出去不得埋到雪里呀 你一个大男人出去买点东西怎么了 你还想让我这个弱女子出去买吗 凭什么每次都使唤我 我把话撂这了 我使劲责 就是饿死死 外面从这跳下去 不会去买一点东西 使劲泽 你再说一遍 接着他们便吵了起来 看了一会我就退出了监控 不一会车也开到家了 下车后我便和老爸忙着搬东西 卸完东西 老爸负责去停车 我负责搬进家哇 好多吃的啊 妈妈我想要吃哟 小鸡啊 你家这是要把这些东西卖掉吗 我仔细看了 看来人是住在我家隔壁的 隔壁的老王媳妇 我们喊他王姨 你看看之前你们囤东西的时候 我就说过 别买这个雪 一会就停 你看你们还不信 买了这么多 现在卖不掉了吧 我刚准备说话 他便又开口道 我家儿子想吃你的零食 你家有这么多给我儿子吃点吧 我就想吃点东西吗 至于说这么多话吗 我打开手中的泡面 拿了两把 你怎么这么小气啊 这么多箱直接给一箱呗 咱们邻居这么多年臭不要脸 见我没有动 他便直接上手来抢 你怎么这么小气啊 这么多箱直接给一箱呗 咱们邻居这么多年 王姨 你这直接抢不好吧 而且这是我花钱买的 我想给就给你 跟一个孩子计较啥尊老爱又懂不懂 他还小 你就应该让他 我又不是他爹 为啥要让着他做人呢 不要斤斤计较 吃亏是福 那我祝你福如东海 寿比昙花 就在我们争执不下的时候 一个人已飞了出来 何方宵 小休伤吾尔哦 哎呦 这不是小王吗 我看有人欺负我儿子 一不小心就踢了过来 没伤到你吧 你看我下手也没个轻重的 你绝对故意的 我年龄大了 身体不好 还有心脏病 你可别跟我计较啊 而且老话说得好 吃亏是福 你说是吧 你你欺负人 儿子把那箱泡面给你王姨 让你王姨回去补补好的 爸哦 回去吃泡面咯 你个小没良心的 妈都没吃的 重要是吧 你别跑 姜还是老的辣 老爸还得是你 那是对付这种人 就得用这种方法 嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿 小插曲过后 我们把物资搬进家 将仓库的绝大部分食物放进异空间 只留三个冰柜里的食物没有放进去 忙了一天 我妈晚上包了许多饺子 吃完洗了个澡 然后便早早睡去 第二天一早我便被一阵吵闹声叫醒 出房门便看见一些亲戚在客厅和爸妈说着什么 二舅听说你家最近中彩票了 听街坊邻居说 你家最近又是买各种吃的 又是修房子的 二舅你也知道 我上有八岁老女 下有80岁女儿 穷的都揭不开锅了 二舅你就借点钱给我呗 呃还有我舅姥爷借我点钱 我去给我儿子买个篮球 练习两年半再还你哦 这是我插话了 表哥我家最近因为装修房子呀 手头也不是很宽裕 要不你试一试 借呗或者花呗 那不行 那些玩意借了要还呢 你搁那给我吹呼 你妈嗯 你看你长得那个逼 好像上单秀儿好啦 要是借钱的 那你们可以回去了 其实我们家也没钱 你们看这都是贷的款 上面白纸黑字写明了贷款信息 搞了半天没钱啊 亏我们这么冷天跑这来散了散了 望着他们的背影 老爸朝他们喊 这天气有问题 你们最好囤点吃的 以防万一 天都放晴了 能有啥事啊 看来他们一家是真疯了 最近听说季坤这小子和苏珊离婚了呢 难不成他们一家都少司机了 心里这么想着 嘴上却说道好的 叫老爷 望着他们离去的背影 我微微叹了口气 明天晚上就要变天了 还来得及 希望他们能听句劝吧 时间飞逝 第二天傍晚 天气突然巨变 紧接着便下起了鹅毛大雪 终于所有人都有了囤货意识 涌入超市扫荡物资源 而此时的我正在屋子里吃着火锅 看着剧本 看着屋外纷飞的大雪 我点开了监控 此时的苏珊和小白脸正裹着被子坐在沙发上 客厅桌子上放着吃剩的泡面宝宝 现在大家都在疯抢物资 我们也赶紧去超市吧 不然去晚了 什么都没了 就在二人准备动身时 我的微信弹出来一个消息 原来是我那还未来得及退出的物业群里 有人艾特了所有人 大家有人要物资没 我们准备采购点物资 有需要的群里扣个一 然后转账300块昆币助押金 一时间群里都是一 还有转账红包 这时苏珊也扣了个E 紧接着还发了个大大的红包 小哥你一定要帮人家多带点哦 因为人家刚满18岁 卧槽我们一家闲着没事便摸了副扑克 准备斗回地主 刀哥在旁边兴奋的绕来绕去的跑 炉火烧的很旺 整个房间都是暖洋洋的 老八钉上的塑料布真的顶冷气 一丝都钻不进来 这时我妈拿出收下来的向日葵头 让我直接原生态嗑瓜子 我爸煮好了热茶 而我则拿出了平板 放起音乐 一颗心扑通扑通的狂跳 搞错了再来 OK准备好一切 我们一家便开始了斗地主 叫地主抢地主 我抢我去上手了 是不是 我是地主 我先出一个三 不要你爹啊 一个三都不要 要不起吗 你要得起你出吗 四个圈 我的妈呀 他一个三 你直接炸 你不懂打牌的 要有气质气质 你懂吧 好嘛好嘛 你有气质 你来你来你来要不起 要不起 飞机王炸 要不起 你来一个四 四个十 不是一个四 你直接炸啊 老妈你不是说打牌要有气质吗 行一个四 刚才初三 你咋不出四啊 我想咋打就咋打 略略略行 兔崽子 你厉害 一个二 我炸嘿嘿 啥都不多 就炸弹多对四 不是你三个四拆着打啊 这叫气质 一对二报单 不要四个勾 傻儿子 你炸我干嘛 咱俩一家的三倍 懂不懂 三要不起嗯 一个三爱我不知道三嘛 就是要不起啊 你牌给我看下 不是你打不出对三啊 不是想让你走吗 这个就叫气质 一家人沉浸在欢声笑语中 丝毫没有外面是冰天雪地的感觉 而此时苏珊那边还在靠着之前买的零食填肚子 苦哈哈的等着物业给他们送物资 第二天我被手机震动声音叫醒 点开一看 发现是苏珊在群里疯狂艾特 之前说买物资的那个人 可是并没有回复 我不小心点开了那个人头像 顿时便笑了起来 这个人叫大驴 末日来临后 他靠着掌控着物业的大批物资 成了天灾时作威作福的小霸王 前世苏珊让我去他那求点食物回来 谁知道他有龙阳之好 我差点被拘 这一世他能听话 乖乖的把苏珊的物资吐出来才怪哈哈 关上手机 我拉上被子睡起了回笼觉 一觉睡到中午 刚想去拿根冰棒吃 提提精神 然后就闻到一股浓郁的肉香 原来是我妈炖的羊蝎子火锅 羊蝎子被炖的酱香浓郁 软烂脱骨 还有各类肉卷 蔬菜豆制品做配菜 我蘸着麻酱和韭花酱吃的不亦乐乎 这时我看到我妈的嘴唇捏如了几下 却犹犹豫豫没有开口 妈你想说点什么吗 我妈迟疑了片刻才说道 妈每次想起你说前世发生的一切 就难过的睡不着 那时候的你该有多痛呀 我爸也放下筷子 闷了一口酒 怪爸妈没能保护好你 这一世我们加倍补偿 你看着他们为我担忧 为我自责 我暗暗发誓 这一世我要照顾好二楼 同时我心中对苏珊的恨意也到达了顶峰 吃完饭 刚好手机拍了羊蝎子新鲜出炉时的照片 看了眼窗外的大雪 我把照片编辑成九宫格发到朋友圈 景苏珊可见 发完我便刷起了视频 不到10分钟 苏珊就弹起了视频 邀请我拒接 接着又是电话 刚接起来就是震耳欲聋的咆哮声 鸡坤你在哪里 为什么你还能吃上火锅 切你都让我滚了 还管我去哪里 你回乡下了 你回你爸妈家了 对不对 我拍了张修得完家里一角的照片发给他 你觉得这是我家那边的苏珊沉默 两个月前 我刚带着他来过这里 如此焕然一新的装修 确实不像是那栋农村小土楼的样子 接着就听到他语气放软 坤坤我错了 我提出跟你离婚也是一时昏了头 我现在后悔了 告诉我你在哪里 我去找你好不好 你老婆实在太饿了 家里又饿又冷没了 你就是不行 你忍心我饿死吗 变脸如此之快 让我忍不住冷笑 苏珊 你还真是臭不要脸啊 你身边不是有你的小白脸吗 你让他给你弄吃的啊 坤坤你别误会啊 我和他只是朋友 且你说的话狗都不信 对不对 刀哥啊啊苏珊 我劝你好自为之 好好反省 挂断电话 点开监控 就看见苏珊踹了脚 旁边的小白脸 你一个大男人一点用没有 赶紧去找找家里有没有什么吃的 然后就看见他们到处翻东西 但是他们的零食似乎都吃完了 只剩下一堆堆的垃圾袋 最终只能咕咚咕咚的往肚子里灌水 喝吧喝吧 到时候纯净水都没了 你就知道你们现在是有多奢侈了 这时苏珊突然透到小白脸旁边 在他耳边嘀咕了几句 宝宝这样不好吧 有什么不好的 都快饿死了 我受不了了 你要是爱我就一块去 然后两个人鬼鬼祟祟的就出门了 你要是爱我就一块去 然后两个人鬼鬼祟祟的就出门了 小白脸鬼鬼祟祟的朝着一户人家走 观察了下附近确认没人后 朝苏珊招了招手 就选这家了吗 就他家了 他家门口这么多零食袋子 吃的肯定多 宝宝你等会哈 我来撬锁 说着便撬起了锁 里面的住户正在看着电影 这时here's johnny 我靠趁人不备 他们直接将人绑了起来 嘿嘿这小胖子家里吃的是真多啊 老娘饿了好几天了 赶紧再去找 找一个渣都别留 OK说完便继续去翻找吃的 如法炮制 他们又抢了几家 一两个小时后 监控画面中出现了他们的身影 快去把门锁好 OK这时我注意到他们拿着几大包的东西 拿里面是一袋袋的零食 应该是太饿了 他们一顿盲冲 细一看 他们都带着伤 嘴角还有血嗯看来是去抢劫了 看来我走了 前世的一些剧情也发生了改变 前世这个时候没东西吃 他们的选择是直接将火焰吃掉 回想起那时的感觉依然会头疼欲裂 突然微信疯狂的弹出消息 他妈的畜生啊 老子在家看恐怖片呢 两人直接闯进我家 直接给我绑起来 还把劳资吃的抢了 你这让我咋活啊 上景天凉了 我在拉屎 两个人闯进来 二话不说 直接给我绑起来 绑就绑 你倒是让我提个裤子 二弟冻住了 都我也被呛咯 一条接一条骂人的消息都是被抢人发的 然而并没有人应和我暗叹一口气 这无疑是提醒了所有人心头的那个魔鬼 饥寒交迫之际 买不到物资 看不到未来 在随时可能命丧一线的情况下 仁义道德成了最不需要的东西 有人开了头 其他人就再也无需顾及雪 接连下了好几天 积雪已经达到了近2米 温度也降到了零下20度 虽然有妈妈美味的食物治愈 但时间也在枯燥的等待中变得漫长 就在这时 一声声敲门声打破了原本宁静的氛围 老鸡呀 开开门 来人不是别人 是我们蔡徐村的村长刁德一哟 家里这么暖和啊 不错不错 那个村长啊 你来我家有什么事吗 这是小鸡吗 长这么大了 上次见你 你才到我这里来 我来这也没有别的事 就是来争些吃的 大雪来了 村里都没囤吃的 大家都快没东西吃了 所以我合计了下 大家把家里的吃的都交到我家 我是村长 我来给大家统一调配 这样能保证大家都能活着 诶村长我理解大家的困境 但这些粮食是我家辛苦得来的 我不能轻易交出 况且我家的粮食可能只够我的家人糊口 做人嘛要大度一点吗 这个时候我们应当团结一心 共渡难关才对嘛 而且你家肯定有粮食 大雪来临前 我们都看见你家囤了许多吃的 不对呀 农村家里面都应该会囤不少粮食啊 而且雪停那两天 我看见大家都在收作物啊 就算是天天吃大米 也不会这么快就吃完了 毕竟雪也才下一个礼拜 我爸说的一点不错 这粮食确实不会这么快就被吃完 这时村长神色犹犹豫豫 支支吾吾的开口道呃 粮食吗 卖了呃 粮食吗 卖了那个前几天来了伙城里人 他们以十倍价格收收长头发 专收长头发 他们以十倍价格收粮食 乡亲们就赶紧把地里的东西都收了 然后卖了 我们想这就是一场普通的大雪 把家里的存粮也一起卖了 我不知道该说些什么 千言万语汇成一句 接着我说道 村长实不相瞒 我家其实也没有粮食 那些说我家有粮食的都是谣言 之前雪不是停了吗 我们把屯的东西全卖了 想止点损 谁曾想大雪又来了 我爸看着我撒谎不脸红的样子 暗暗竖起了大拇指 依据我多年的经验看 这小鬼头应该在骗我 拜托我超勇的好不好 我叱咤蔡徐村这么多年 主打一手老奸巨猾 好吧 想骗我门都没有 看着他怀疑的眼神 我又说道 不信您来看 我领着他来到仓库 几天前我在看完苏珊那边监控后 我立马把家里储存的食物放进空间 不怕贼偷 就怕贼惦记 我准备都装进去 但是我爸却让留一些下来 您看就这点东西 我们自己家都够呛 实在是给不了 不对呀 他家不可能只有这点啊 我们只看见近没看见出啊 难道他家还有地窖切 你家就这点吃的 还以为有多少呢 既然你们给不起 那到时候调配就没你家的份 这就不劳您操心了 看他们这么平静 应该是藏粮食 嘿嘿应该还不少 得想个法子 让他们乖乖交出来 这事得从长计议 说完他抬脚便走了出去 村长走后 我爸意味深长的说道 我有预感他一定看出来什么了 以后家里面门窗要关好 有人敲门 咱也尽量别开 第二天温度骤降 温度也来到了零下50度 哪怕炉火烧的再旺 房间里也是冒着嗖嗖的冷气 暖和不过来 我们只能打开电热毯 穿着保暖内衣 加厚实的家居服 随时随地喝着热茶 才不至于那么难熬 紧接着另一个噩耗又来了 停电了 同时网络也都瘫痪 我们彻底与世隔绝 更没想到的是 安装的太阳能发电板并没有起到太大作用 因为哪怕发电板坡度再大 也被积雪淹没一半 加上天鹰的不见天日 捕捉的太阳光微乎其微 幸亏我爸早已备好五台大型的蓄电池 以及我充好的十多个大容量充电宝 才不至于立马陷入困境 所幸暖炉是颗粒取暖炉 不需要电 本来想过晚上一家三口睡一间屋 可能会暖和点 可打地铺实在太冷了 根本躺不住 外加上我爸呼噜声太大 这才作罢 寒冷的日子让一家人兴致都不太高 扑克也被收到一旁 没人再想去玩 这时我看见我爸手里拿着两样布满灰尘的东西 细一看 一个是收音机 一个是望远镜 收音机调试半天 终于收到了信号 请各位群众不要担心 不要慌张 不要放弃 希望一定要积极自救 另外电路问题在积极维修中 物资也在逐步发放 有了外界的声音 我们的心逐渐落到了实处 日子也没有那么难熬了 我妈做了麻辣风味的烤肉干 我边嚼边翻看漫画书 嚼累了就来一口刚出锅的糯米粘豆包 吃下去黏糊糊 甜滋滋 这种感觉实在是太酷了 看的累了 拿出望远镜看看窗外的远处 虽然还是一片白茫茫 没有什么变化 但每次看心仿佛也跟着飞了出去 可没想到平静的生活在一个晚上被打破 凌晨两点正是睡得沉沉的时候 这时两道身影正鬼鬼祟祟的摸过 哎呀大哥快起来 不好意思 压到你了 你小点声 别把他们吵醒了 话说你这是什么造型 嘿嘿这不是第一次来偷东西吗 戴上这个更有体验感吗 怎么说话的 别造谣好吧 咱们是来摸清楚他家吃的藏哪了 怎么就叫偷呢 话说大哥 咱为啥帮这老头啊 他明面上是村长 暗地里可是蔡徐村老大 人称玉面蔡徐王 咱帮他办事 一是博个好感 二是咱们能顺手顺点好东西 他家就三个人 其中两个还没有战斗力 这不手拿把掐 还是大哥聪明啊 不像我只会哦跑偏 Gia and up and down 哦你妈个头啊 哦有完没完啊 说正经的 你那边有能进去的地方吗 没有我这边窗子都锁起来了 而且那个窗户好像还改造过梆梆硬 哎呀破窗也不行 声音太大 会吵醒他们 这是最后一个窗户了 实在不行就回去找个会开锁的 哎大哥开了开了 不错不错 今晚给你加鸡腿 好了好了 别乐了 快进去吧 话说这什么破天冻死了 难道世界末日是真的 嘿嘿大哥 咱真进来了 嘿他家还挺暖和 嘘小声点 赶紧去找 说完两个人便鬼鬼祟祟地向外摸去 我左边你右边 咱俩分头行动 找到地窖 咱们厕所会合 Ok 呦嘿嘿啊啊舒服了舒服了 与此同时 另一边哇哦储物间嘿嘿 这里面藏吃的概率很大哦 不是这么大的地方 就放这点吃的吗 而且这也不像有地窖的样子 这个老骗子算了 找个包把这些吃的都带走 这时一个熟悉的东西滚到他的脚边 哎这是嘛呀 拍起来还梆梆响嗯 卧槽我被突如其来的巨响吓醒 这时外面传来悉悉索索的翻找声 我意识到家里可能糟蹋了 还他妈睡呢 人都闯家里了 我不知道啊 快速走出卧室门 来到客厅 便看到一个人在翻找东西 我大喊一声 他似乎被吓了一跳 转头看向我 似乎发现只有我一个人 他轻蔑的笑了笑 看他小瞧我 我也不惯着他 直接扔出刀哥 刀哥使用咬碎 别过来哦 我会武功的 说完刀哥便冲上去与小偷扭打起来 扭打声将我爸我妈也吵醒了 我将情况简单的和我爸妈说了下 我爸是个暴脾气 二话不说便冲了上去 这是蝎子掌 这是劈山掌 龙卷风摧毁停车场 我去老爸这么猛的吗 那是你爸 当年可是蔡徐村争霸赛亚军磊 哎呦 这都多少年前的事了 嘿嘿就在我们说话的时候 小偷突然跳了起来 直接朝着厕所冲去 速度快到让我们都没反应过来 老邓你等着我一定会回来的 老二你人呢快走 说完他便一跃而下 接着掏出一个东西 老三还是你靠谱 我没上车 我没上车啊 哎哎我没上车啊 因为不知道他们是否有什么后手 所以并没有追出去 一段时间后一直没有动静 我便和我爸去找他们进来的地方 我们发现是厕所的窗户忘记上锁了 才让他们溜了进来 因为塑料布家里不够嗯 所以我们就把窗户锁上 然后我爸拿来木板将窗户封了起来 防止冷风吹进来 卧槽牛批回到卧室 发现我妈在检查刀哥有没有受伤 妈刀哥有受伤吗 除了嘴角这块被划破了点皮 其他地方都没事 我看了一眼刀哥 他一点痛的样子都没有 还伸长舌头 咧着嘴笑 一脸骄傲自得 我忍俊不禁 摸摸狗头 喂给他一块肉干 今晚多亏了刀哥 他有事是真上啊哈哈 明天给你做顿好吃的犒劳犒劳你哦 这一夜我们都没咋睡 就在沙发上将就了一晚 天刚蒙蒙亮 我妈就起床给刀哥熬大骨汤 给她补补身子 我跟我爸则用望远镜谨慎地观察了一下 劫匪的来路以及方向 这两个贼应该是从那边来的 雪鸡到二楼了 他们很容易就能爬到这 正好这个窗户没有锁 他们就进来了 老爸我觉得这两个小偷和村长脱不开关系 首先他们进来什么都没拿 反而感觉有目的的在找什么 而且还是在村长来完家后才发生的事 这一切不可能这么巧吧 不过也没事 就算给他们找 他们也找不到什么 嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿 话虽如此 咱们也要做好防护措施 我爸眉头皱了半天 然后突然想到了什么 直接朝着仓库跑去 接着就看见我爸 从仓库找出30多个大型老鼠架 这本来是用到果园里的 我爸之前怕它威力太大 夹到人就没用 现在正好派上了用场 我爸将他们围着房屋放进去 老爸你这确定能夹到吗 只要雪在下的厚度不超过人的身高 就总能踩到 如果超过了也没关系 拿出来再放 就是嘿嘿 我看这次他们敢不敢再来 放完我们便去给我妈熬的骨头汤 就在这时 一个好消息终于来了 在我家 当我们正沉醉于骨头中的美味时 屋内的灯光突然闪烁 随后整个房间被照亮 电来了 我爸反应最快 直接朝着我们喊道 快把蓄电池和充电宝都拿出来充电 说完我们全家立刻行动起来 不一会儿 所有的充电设备都已接好 看着设备重新充满电 我不由得感叹国家电网的强大与可靠 我按下手机的开机键 美国有苹果 中国有菠萝 菠萝手机屏幕亮起 显示着熟悉的桌面 检查了一下网络 发现网络也已经恢复了 一停电的这段时间 监控录像一直在录制吗 原来是带有电池的监控 仍在录制着视频 并自动储存 在网络恢复的时候 又开始往我这边传输 我点开传输好的视频 跳着看了下 果然发现了一场好戏 就在几天前 兴许是食物又吃完了 苏珊和小白脸大吵了一架 并且动了手 不过我知道还是苏珊更厉害 因为我也领教过 有一说一竟是真的 我受够这样的日子了 你这个废物 我当初怎么会看上你 苏珊这些天你吃的都是我抢来的 你有什么资格说我 而且明明是我抢来的食物 你吃的比老子还多 还好意思说我废物 我没说你 你倒是好意思先说我me 你分手分手 你真以为我不知道 你和438号的老王勾搭上了 怎么这么迫不及待的踹开 我想去找他吗 也对 现在大家都防着我们了 抢不到东西 我的价值就没了呗 呵呵苏珊听完恼羞成怒 又和小白脸回打起来 然后便出门了 我打开监控 想看看他们现在什么情况 因为前段时间停电 小白脸那边的空调也成了摆设 她蜷缩在床上 上面盖着一层又一层的衣服 连夏天的半袖也搭在了上 像是人为堆砌的一座坟墓 他许久未动 就在我以为他拔掉的时候 他又缓缓伸出一只手 摸索着空调遥控器 还把手机给充上电 看到这一幕 我不禁一愣 他竟然还没嘎 我不禁好奇他是怎么活下来的 就在这时 他一口一口的往嘴里塞一团白色的东西 细一看是蚕丝 被子里面的蚕丝 他竟靠着蚕丝活到现在 但看他那奄奄一息的样子 离一嘎也不远了 想起前世他俩对我的诉说 我的脑海突然闪现一个想法 我向小白脸打去视频电话 她拒绝一次 我就再打一次 在我这样一纸拨打下 他终于接了 你干嘛 视频电话一接通 他看见我红光满面的样子 一愣哟 看你这样子 这段时间过得不好啊 你要是专门来笑话我的 那我就挂了别啊 我看你这样 你应该撑不了多久了 你看看你 我之前说过 苏珊不是个好人 你看他不但背叛我 现在又抛弃你了 你现在在这饿的都快要嘎了 而苏珊的正在外面逍遥着呢 你想想你和他在一起都是你付出的 凭啥好处都让他占了 他中彩票一分钱没分 你还到处使唤你 现在你要嘎了 而他在吃香的 喝辣的 你甘心吗 说完我看见他的双眼面露凶光 逐渐变得辛苦 然后我就挂断了视频 就让这对恶人互相折磨去吧 哈哈钱是我的惨死 小白脸也罪责难逃 他不仅抢我衣物 联合苏珊打骂我 不给我吃雪后之半妖 还连同苏珊逼我出门寻找物资 甚至要噶掉我 然后分食我的这个主人 也是他主动提出来的 这一世我岂能由他逍遥自在 我又掉到监控画面 小白脸从衣物堆里钻出来 疯狂砸着周围的一切 从卧室拿到客厅 力气很快就消耗殆尽 他瘫倒在沙发上 发了会呆 这时他拿出手机拨打电话 不出意外 应该是拿给苏珊的 打一次被挂断一次 然后便见他拿着武器气势汹汹的出门了 嗯很快他就带着另一个人回来了 他强势的拽着苏珊 将她拽进家 把门一甩 就开始上前打骂 之前强势的苏珊现在完全被小白脸压制 我看了一眼苏珊 几天不见 他比之前状态好了不少 小白脸似乎也看到了她过得不错 顿时叫骂忘恩负义的臭娘们儿 老子之前好吃好喝养着你 你出去享福不享 这老子竟然还真敢抛弃我 光想着自己活下去 你有想着我吗 我快要饿死了 苏珊什么时候被这么骂过 顿时怒味道 怎么你自己没本事 还想着我和你一起挨饿 你别把自己想的太重要 老娘想随时踹掉 你就踹掉 你说完小白脸就扑了上来 两人扭打起来 小白脸招招凶狠 但因为很长时间没吃到食物 很快便人一起被苏珊压制住 小白脸试图脱身 未免手便不断的摸索着身边能还击的东西 然后他摸到了斧头 那把钱是噶了 我的斧头举起朝苏珊脑袋上砸去 紧接着苏珊轰然倒地 小白脸起身又摆了几下 直到完全没了动静 然后他露出兴奋的表情 就像时极度饥饿的人 看到食物时的表情 后面的画面想必大家也能猜得到 看着地上一动不动的苏珊 我高兴吗 好像也没有难过吗 似乎也没有 可能不是自己亲手报的仇 会不快吧 但是我很感谢上天能给我一次重生的机会 让我报了仇 也让我能陪在家人身边 收拾好心情 出卧室 刚好赶上吃饭 我跟爸妈说了这个好消息 我爸也不说话 笑了笑就起身去哪 找自己私藏的好酒 我们一家人举起醇香浓厚的酒 酣畅碰杯 庆祝自己彻底重生 庆祝全家真正意义上的团圆 苏珊一噶 我就再没点开过监控 就像是从我的生活中彻底抹去了一个世界 我从而开始专注这场灾难的动向 距离天灾开始已经过去一个多月了 这场暴风雪丝毫没有减弱的趋势 各地饿死冻死的百姓不计其数 但政府一直在空投物资和食品 积极的抢修线路 哪怕不知道这场灾难有没有尽头 政府也一直没放弃过一丝希望 没放弃 人民在经常性断电断网的日子里 我们靠着收音机里的广播振奋着精神 挨过一日又一日 后面也有人来我家踩过点都一无所获 有的还被之前的陷阱弄伤 之后便再没人打过我家的主意 就这样时间过了快一年 外面温度在一个多月前就达到零下70度 雪早已覆盖掉房子 幸好房子被老爸改造过 所以并没有太大 每当雪覆盖太深 我们就会亲一下 不让他将房子彻底盖掉 然后风雪在一个寻常的夜晚悄无声息的停了 起初人们还害怕 这只是一个小小的暂停 但太阳开始露脸 驱散掉层层乌云 驱赶掉这场如噩梦一般的灾难 这场灾难带走了很多人 靠着政府每天的空投物资以及其他法子 还是有很多人活了下来 我和我爸装备齐全 开启了铲雪之旅 并报名了志愿者参加支援工作 等到社会缓慢恢复正常 人们的生活也回归正轨 我回了趟曾经的那一家 经历过灾难 小区里面萧条了很多 进入房间就看到遍地的一片狼藉 地上躺着一具干瘪的尸骨 是小白脸 我小心绕过 找到苏珊证件 然后去开了嘎的证件 还顺手提交给警察一份监控视频 是小白脸噶人的那段 最后我去了趟民政局 拿着死亡证明撤销了离婚申请 合理合法的继承了苏珊挥霍的 还剩7000多万的奖金 还完贷的款 处理完所有事 我又回到爸妈那边 他们笑着说 欢迎回家 呼吸 Thanks for watching And don't forget to subscribe for more Eight k ultra high resolution videos

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办公室第四季8-14

要干掉他不满级却几乎是不可能的 别看这个名头听起来很牛叉 但他终究只是主角团 通往幸福道路上的最后一块垫脚石 根据故事本来的主线 主角团是在打倒魔王后才会与他撞见 最后在经历了一番坎坷后 主人公使用最克制他的光系魔法 才勉强将他干掉 可那毕竟是很久以后才会发生的事 如果她是五岁时就穿越过来的呢 没错女主来到这里后 便发现自己还很小 这时的她虽然还是一级 但既然知道自己有着超越魔王的潜力 并且之后还有被主角团干掉的风险 于是为了不让未来的自己在圣光中灰飞烟灭 女主觉醒前世记忆的当天 便跑到了图书馆查阅资料 她发现自己之所以在这里不受人待见 全都是因为魔王的头发是黑色的 这里的人们普遍认为黑发是邪恶的象征 就是由于这个原因 女主长到这么大 甚至还没和他的父母见过面 不过比起这些 他最在乎的还是该如何避免未来死亡的结局 回想起这个游戏的原剧情 里面全是一些充满酸臭味的恋爱故事 女主相信自己 只要尽量避免与主角团扯上关系 他就一定能过上低调安稳的学院生活 不过在此之前 最重要的还是先提升一下等级 万一他能先一步的打倒魔王 最后肯定能减少很多麻烦 要知道他的魔法便属于最邪恶的暗黑系 他自然而然就学会了使用 仅是打倒一只史莱姆 他就感觉自己变强了许多 显然这便是升级带来的效果 也是从这天开始 每当醒来后 他都会偷偷跑出去练级 从先打倒一些最低级的魔物开始 然后等等级升上来后 他又开始挑战更高等的魔物 慢慢的他也将手伸到了地下城 虽说有些魔物看起来就很牛叉 他也叫不上名字 但却无一例外 没有一只魔物是他的对手 倒是期间通过卖掉魔物体内的魔石 他却收获了不菲的财富 然后再将魔石卖掉后 买进各种道具 首先就是这个拥有经验加成的项链 等拿到这个神器 女主便开始了独自一人挑战地下城的壮举 或许是感觉自己升级的速度太慢 女主之后又买了一个可以引怪的笛子 这下地下城里的魔物便遭了殃 每当他们刚被刷新出来 女主便会按时出现几招 就将他们全部送回泉水 这样枯燥乏味的练级日子 终于在女主15岁的这天结束了 虽然他也不知道自己现在的等级是多少 但当务之急还是先来到学院报道 至此 游戏中的主线剧情便彻底展开了 首先是作为游戏女主角的粉毛 因为不小心错过了门禁 从而相识了宰相家的儿子蓝毛 又在蓝毛傲娇的提示下 粉毛又遇到了同样错过门禁的红毛 红毛作为将军家的儿子 天生就拥有一副乐于助人的热心肠 然而就在两人气氛正好的时候 红毛一个不小心竟然带着粉毛摔进了学校食堂 这一摔不要紧 粉毛竟然因此与身为王子的黄毛结下了缘分 至此粉毛便将自己的后宫成员全都认识了个遍 原本女主是故事里经常欺负主人公的恶意千金 但毕竟现在灵魂已经换了一个人 他没有兴趣 也没有时间和对方扯上关系 可想象是美好的 直到这天 女主才发现自己忘了一件事 原来按照学校的惯例 新生在初来乍到后都要先测量一下等级 在水晶球的面前 一切都无所遁形 看到主人公的等级只是一级 女主心里也不由一慌 原来她到现在都没具体测过自己的等级 听到有学生被测出了十集 便在全场引起了轰动后 女主心里就更懵了 由于之前都是自己一个人行动 他也不知道自己打倒的魔物究竟有多强 如果此时想要低调一点的话 对他来说 五级就不错 刚刚好 这时也轮到了女主 看到他走的很慢 校长还以为他是紧张了 连忙安慰她 就算是一级也不必害羞 毕竟现在才刚入学 然而不想女主担心的压根就不是这个 直到当他将手放到水晶球上后 这个女孩怎么也没想到 自己才刚入学就被测出了 古往今来都没有的99集 这按理来说是一件好事 可错就错在她不是什么好人 而是大反派 并且比魔王还要恐怖 只是由于一直都没条件测极 他也没想到最终会测出来这么高 要知道在场所有的心声中 最高也只有十几 听到大家都怀疑女主作弊 好在这时 校长让众人肃静 并表示是真是假 等到上课识字会知晓 可淡定也不过是表面上下一秒 校长变化的脸色并没有逃过女主的眼睛 尽管这让他暂时逃过了一劫 但等到放学后就没有人顾及其他了 当即就有三人来谴责女主的作弊行为 表示他竟只是为了想引人注意 就放弃了贵族的自尊 虽然不明白为何会没有人性 但三人却已经是女主的老熟人了 原来根据故事本来的主线 眼前的三人是游戏里原本女主人公的攻略对象 在搞对象的同时 未来他们将会一起打败魔王 然而对于这些女主却压根就没有兴趣 这一世他只想要安稳的生活 眼见着女主人公就在旁边不远处 并且一脸刚入学不太习惯的样子 于是他也当即就问起了三人要不要搭话 原来虽说才刚入学 但女主却知道 由于一些意外 三人都已经或多或少与对方有了牵扯 而接着也果不其然 三人也果真对他没有了兴趣 等女主再回到班里时 便发现四人已经完全打成了一片 唯有他孤零零的就坐在角落 并且时不时还能听到同学对他的议论声 没错 他被孤立了 原来直到现在为止 他的作弊行为也依旧是众人的焦点 但殊不知这却正合他所意 反而让她有些轻松 就这样当做花瓶度过3年倒也不赖 只是想象是美好的 很快便来到了上课时间 这节课是剑术指导课 好巧不巧的是 女主还正好是第一位 而她的第一个对手则是老熟人红毛 同样也是除了他以外 新生中最强的诗集 女生眼中典型的男神 然而这些却不是女主在乎的 此刻他的心中只有一个想法 那就是接下来该怎么放水 原来99集顾名思义 除了魔法以外 就算物理攻击也贼强 也就是说红毛的生死完全取决于他拿捏的力道 接着随着老师的一番话 红毛也摆起了攻击的架势 在表示不会因为女生就对他手下留情后 下一秒他就开始了进攻 然而看起来很猛 殊不知 这在女主的眼里却宛如慢动作 在随手制造了一发意外后 红毛便被摔了个狗吃屎 不过摔的这么丢人 却是女主没想到的 正当她问老师这样是否就算结束了时 却不想这对红毛而言却无异于羞辱 下一秒他就不讲武德发起了偷袭 一时不慎让女主没完全控制好力道啊 啊不过好在红毛命大 就在他准备送对方去医务室时 不曾想去 让老师不能淡定了 在连忙便表示自己去就行后 随后老师扛着红毛就走 而这一消失就是一节课期间 并没有再发生什么意外 毕竟这次亲眼所见 其他人压根就不敢接近女主 接着也来到了第二节魔法课 由于这节课要和其他小组一起上 因此人也不知不觉变得更多了起来 而这节课的目的 也只是检测一下众人的魔法实力 老师表示 只要能打到标靶就行 毕竟这只是第一堂课而已 这次女主不再是第一轮 仅是一会的功夫 她便见识到了好几种不同属性的魔法 每个人的水平都参差不齐 值得注意的只有两个 一个是只有女主人公才会的光明魔法 这在整个世界也是特别罕见的例子 因为光属性不仅克制暗属性 也同样是克制魔王的王牌 而另一个则是攻略对象之一的蓝毛 他所会使用的魔法竟有四种 并且每一种也都达到了驾轻就熟的地步 不过对此老师却已经见怪不怪 原来蓝毛在别的方面不说 但在魔法方面 他却是当之无愧的天才 而很快也轮到了女主 虽说他所绘的暗属性同样也很稀有 但被誉为邪恶魔法的他却并不受世人待见 不过好在也只是主观上的 因此他还是可以放心使用的 倒是以防万一 他想知道标靶的材质怎么样 如果一不小心坏了怎么办 可不想此言却引来了蓝猫的嘲讽 她都不可能 女主又怎么可能 而听老师的解释才知道 原来这个标靶没有宫廷魔导师的力量 想打坏无异于牛在天上飞 而听到这里 女主也放心了不少 随着心念一动 他也小心的使出了自己最弱的一招 看到这里 蓝毛差点就要笑出声 可唯有老师却不能淡定了 他一眼便认出了女主 不仅使出的是暗魔法 并且魔力量还不如小觑 而接着也果不其然 只见在魔法接触的瞬间 这个标靶也以诡异的形式开始了融化 等到众人再回过神时 标靶便只剩下的一双脚 虽然有些懵 其中也包括女主 但老师也连忙向众人普及 暗属性并不是邪恶魔法 历史上也有宫廷魔导师学会的例子 最不能忍受的则是蓝毛 她不能接受女主竟比自己的天赋还好 在表示不愿承认后 说完便耻辱的离去 就在老师有些傻眼时 这时黄毛也和校长一起走过来 而映入眼帘的则是一个退学通知书 原来黄毛一整天都不见 就是在说服校长让女主退学 身为国家的第二王子 他的权力在这里可谓是一手遮天 此时校长显然已经和黄毛达成了一致 他告诉女主作弊的结果不仅是退学那么简单 接下来整个国家的学校也没有人再会要她 这番操作 差点将女主给气笑 就在他打算扭头就走时 却不想老师却帮她说话 在表示女主不仅拥有很罕见的按摩法 并且还打坏了 只有宫廷魔导师才能打坏的标靶后 他告诉校长 女主的99级说不定是真的 然而不曾想 校长却不愿信 就算打破了也不足以说明女主是99级 除非他自己可以证明一下 而说着众人的目光便同时望向了女主 女主本来是不愿意暴露自己的实力的 但此情此景也实在是让他忍不住 听到老师的一再恳求 下一秒他也决定向天空释放魔法 不过在此之前 他却决定向黄毛请示一下 如果待会发生什么事 谁来负责 但不想黄毛却压根就没在意 在表示责任由自己来扛后 女主也开始考虑该使用什么等级的魔法 太弱的不行 太强的也不行 最终在思考了一番后 他决定使用一个逼格最高的暗属性魔法 在游戏里也只有他和魔王会 不过为了以防万一 他不敢全力施展 But a co 原来这招顾名思义还真的是黑洞 不仅能无条件抹去范围内的物质 并且随着魔法的慢慢扩大 范围内的空气也会慢慢消失 直至整个空间变成真空状态 如果女主不停下来的话 仅是这一招下去 这片区域的所有人都会死 不过也正因如此 很快女主也选择了停下 她并不想滥杀无辜 何况她的目的也早已达到 此刻底下的众人无一例外都只有震惊半晌 一个字也蹦不出来 而看到黄毛惊恐的样子 女主也不禁有些玩味 这绝对是1月最龙傲天 女主开学第一天 便暴露了上限为等级99的黑洞魔法 本想低调行事 安稳过日子 结果却摊上了个秀逗王子 非要作死 指控女主等级是假的 要让其退学 无奈之下 女主只好不装了 给王子放了一手满级魔法黑洞术 吓得傻王子当场尿了一地 然而黑洞术的消息很快便传到了王宫 女主也在隔天被召进宫内 国王先是替傻王子的无礼行为向女主道歉 我的那你没了 为了堵住群臣的嘴 证明女主的等级是真的 国王又派出等级60级的骑士团团长来测试下 女主在这个魔王只有70级的世界里 60级已经是个相当可怕的存在 看到骑士长二话不说 就这样向自己攻来 这也让女主一瞬间就懵了 但蒙的却不是挡不挡的住 而是他不知道自己可不可以反击 国王也不先说清楚一点 但思量再三 他还是选择了最稳妥的做法 哥哥我去给他们看 有可看到看爱旅游有吗 都有的 这句话顿时一时激起千层浪 但作为王兜里最强的存在 骑士长的话却不由众人不信 见众人都没了质疑 随后国王让女主展示了魔法属性 下一秒女主也如国王所愿 尽管他将威力控制的很有分寸 但亲眼见到暗魔法却还是让众人大吃一惊 毕竟这在世人的眼里是只有邪恶魔物才会用的 魔法 也是这时 国王利用宫廷首席魔导师的嘴 来向群臣解释了黑头发 暗魔法并不是邪恶的象征 而是与四大属性极光属性相同 都不过是一种属性而已 如何运用权势使用者而定 而不能被他的协议外表所迷惑 并且让大家不要对女主抱有另类的看法 接着又让女主分享下 是如何年纪轻轻练到满级的 女主表示 自己先是在领地周围的森林里打倒魔物 然后用得到的资金买了 可以让经验值加速的护符 以及可以引来魔物的护摩之敌 最终在地下城里练着练着 不知不觉就99了 此言一出不要紧 在场瞬间又引起了轩然大波 然而看似很普通的操作 却连团长也表示 做不来找魔物单挑这么可怕的事 原来护符这种道具一次只能装备一种 如果想要干掉他 不满级却几乎是不可能的 别看这个名头听起来很牛叉 但他终究只是主角团 通往幸福道路上的最后一块垫脚石 根据故事本来的主线 主角团是在打倒魔王后才会与他撞见 最后在经历了一番坎坷后 主人公使用最克制他的光系魔法 才勉强将他干掉 可那毕竟是很久以后才会发生的事 如果他是五岁时就穿越过来的呢 没错女主来到这里后 便发现自己还很小 这时的她虽然还是一级 但既然知道自己有着超越魔王的潜力 并且之后还有被主角团干掉的风险 于是为了不让未来的自己在圣光中灰飞烟灭 女主觉醒前世记忆的当天 便跑到了图书馆查阅资料 她发现自己之所以在这里不受人待见 全都是因为魔王的头发是黑色的 这里的人们普遍认为黑发是邪恶的象征 就是由于这个原因 女主长到这么大 甚至还没和他的父母见过面 不过比起这些 她最在乎的还是该如何避免未来死亡的结局 回想起这个游戏的原剧情 里面全是一些充满酸臭味的恋爱故事 女主相信自己 只要尽量避免与主角团扯上关系 他就一定能过上低调安稳的学院生活 不过在此之前 最重要的还是先提升一下等级 万一他能先一步的打倒魔王 最后肯定能减少很多麻烦 要知道他的魔法便属于最邪恶的暗黑系 他自然而然就学会了使用 仅是打倒一只史莱姆 他就感觉自己变强了许多 显然这便是升级带来的效果 也是从这天开始 每当醒来后 他都会偷偷跑出去练级 从先打倒一些最低级的魔物开始 然后等等级升上来后 他又开始挑战更高等的魔物 慢慢的他也将手伸到了地下城 虽说有些魔物看起来就很牛叉 她也叫不上名字 但却无一例外 没有一只魔物是他的对手 道士期间通过卖掉魔物体内的魔石 他却收获了不菲的财富 然后再将魔石卖掉后 买进各种道具 首先就是这个拥有经验加成的项链 等拿到这个神器 女主便开始了独自一人挑战地下城的壮举 或许是感觉自己升级的速度太慢 女主之后又买了一个可以引怪的笛子 这下地下城里的魔物便遭了殃 每当他们刚被刷新出来 女主便会按时出现几招 就将他们全部送回泉水 这样枯燥乏味的练级日子 终于在女主15岁的这天结束了 虽然她也不知道自己现在的等级是多少 但当务之急还是先来到学院报道 至此 游戏中的主线剧情便彻底展开了 首先是作为游戏女主角的粉毛 因为不小心错过了门禁 从而相识了宰相家的儿子蓝毛 又在蓝毛傲娇的提示下 粉毛又遇到了同样错过门禁的红毛 红毛作为将军家的儿子 天生就拥有一副乐于助人的热心肠 然而就在两人气氛正好的时候 红毛一个不小心竟然带着粉毛摔进了学校食堂 这一摔不要紧 粉毛竟然因此与身为王子的黄毛结下了缘分 至此粉毛便将自己的后宫成员全都认识了个遍 原本女主是故事里经常欺负主人公的恶意千金 但毕竟现在灵魂已经换了一个人 他没有兴趣 也没有时间和对方扯上关系 可想象是美好的 直到这天 女主才发现自己忘了一件事 原来按照学校的惯例 新生在初来乍到后都要先测量一下等级 在水晶球的面前 一切都无所遁形 看到主人公的等级只是一级 女主心里也不由一慌 原来她到现在都没具体测过自己的等级 听到有学生被测出了十集 便在全场引起了轰动后 女主心里就更懵了 由于之前都是自己一个人行动 他也不知道自己打倒的魔物究竟有多强 如果此时想要低调一点的话 对他来说 五级就不错 刚刚好 这时也轮到了女主 看到他走的很慢 校长还以为他是紧张了 连忙安慰她 就算是一级也不必害羞 毕竟现在才刚入学 然而不想女主担心的压根就不是这个 直到当她将手放到水晶球上后 这个女孩怎么也没想到 自己才刚入学就被测出了 古往今来都没有的99集 这按理来说是一件好事 可错就错在她不是什么好人 而是大反派 并且比魔王还要恐怖 只是由于一直都没条件测极 他也没想到最终会测出来这么高 要知道在场所有的心声中 最高也只有十几 听到大家都怀疑女主作弊 好在这时 校长让众人肃静 并表示是真是假 等到上课识字会知晓 可淡定也不过是表面上下一秒 校长变化的脸色并没有逃过女主的眼睛 尽管这让他暂时逃过了一劫 但等到放学后就没有人顾及其他了 当即就有三人来谴责女主的作弊行为 表示他竟只是为了想引人注意 就放弃了贵族的自尊 虽然不明白为何会没有人性 但三人却已经是女主的老熟人了 原来根据故事本来的主线 眼前的三人是游戏里原本女主人公的攻略对象 在搞对象的同时 未来他们将会一起打败魔王 然而对于这些女主却压根就没有兴趣 这一世他只想要安稳的生活 眼见着女主人公就在旁边不远处 并且一脸刚入学不太习惯的样子 于是他也当即就问起了三人要不要搭话 原来虽说才刚入学 但女主却知道 由于一些意外 三人都已经或多或少与对方有了牵扯 而接着也果不其然 三人也果真对他没有了兴趣 等女主再回到班里时 便发现四人已经完全打成了一片 唯有他孤零零的就坐在角落 并且时不时还能听到同学对他的议论声 没错 他被孤立了 原来直到现在为止 他的作弊行为也依旧是众人的焦点 但殊不知这却正合他所意 反而让她有些轻松 就这样当做花瓶度过3年倒也不赖 只是想象是美好的 很快便来到了上课时间 这杰克是剑术指导课 好巧不巧的是 女主还正好是第一位 而他的第一个对手则是老熟人红毛 同样也是除了他以外 新生中最强的诗集 女生眼中典型的男神 然而这些却不是女主在乎的 此刻他的心中只有一个想法 那就是接下来该怎么放水 原来99集顾名思义 除了魔法以外 就算物理攻击也贼强 也就是说红毛的生死完全取决于他拿捏的力道 接着随着老师的一番话 红毛也摆起了攻击的架势 在表示不会因为女生就对他手下留情后 下一秒他就开始了进攻 然而看起来很猛 殊不知 这在女主的眼里却宛如慢动作 在随手制造了一发意外后 红毛便被摔了个狗吃屎 不过摔的这么丢人 却是女主没想到的 正当他问老师这样是否就算结束了时 却不想这对红毛而言却无异于羞辱 下一秒他就不讲武德发起了偷袭 一时不慎让女主没完全控制好力道 啊不过好在红毛命大 就在他准备送对方去医务室时 不曾想去 让老师不能淡定了 在连忙便表示自己去就行后 随后老师扛着红毛就走 而这一消失就是一节课期间 并没有再发生什么意外 毕竟这次亲眼所见 其他人压根就不敢接近女主 接着也来到了第二节魔法课 由于这节课要和其他小组一起上 因此人也不知不觉变得更多了起来 而这节课的目的 也只是检测一下众人的魔法实力 老师表示 只要能打到标靶就行 毕竟这只是第一堂课而已 这次女主不再是第一轮 仅是一会的功夫 她便见识到了好几种不同属性的魔法 每个人的水平都参差不齐 值得注意的只有两个 一个是只有女主人公才会的光明魔法 这在整个世界也是特别罕见的例子 因为光属性不仅克制暗属性 也同样是克制魔王的王牌 而另一个则是攻略对象之一的蓝毛 他所会使用的魔法竟有四种 并且每一种也都达到了驾轻就熟的地步 不过对此老师却已经见怪不怪 原来蓝毛在别的方面不说 但在魔法方面 他却是当之无愧的天才 而很快也轮到了女主 虽说他所绘的暗属性同样也很稀有 但被誉为邪恶魔法的他却并不受世人待见 不过好在也只是主观上的 因此他还是可以放心使用的 倒是以防万一 他想知道标靶的材质怎么样 如果一不小心坏了怎么办 可不想此言却引来了蓝猫的嘲讽 她都不可能 女主又怎么可能 而听老师的解释才知道 原来这个标靶没有宫廷魔导师的力量 想打坏无异于牛在天上飞 而听到这里 女主也放心了不少 随着心念一动 他也小心的使出了自己最弱的一招 看到这里 蓝毛差点就要笑出声 可唯有老师却不能淡定了 她一眼便认出了女主 不仅使出的是暗魔法 并且魔力量还不如小觑 而接着也果不其然 只见在魔法接触的瞬间 这个标靶也以诡异的形式开始了融化 等到众人再回过神时 标靶便只剩下的一双脚 虽然有些懵 其中也包括女主 但老师也连忙向众人普及 暗属性并不是邪恶魔法 历史上也有宫廷魔导士学会的例子 最不能忍受的则是蓝毛 她不能接受女主竟比自己的天赋还好 在表示不愿承认后 说完便耻辱的离去 就在老师有些傻眼时 这时黄毛也和校长一起走过来 而映入眼帘的则是一个退学通知书 原来黄毛一整天都不见 就是在说服校长让女主退学 身为国家的第二王子 他的权力在这里可谓是一手遮天 此时校长显然已经和黄毛达成了一致 他告诉女主作弊的结果不仅是退学那么简单 接下来整个国家的学校也没有人再会要他 这番操作 差点将女主给气笑 就在他打算扭头就走时 却不想老师却帮她说话 在表示女主不仅拥有很罕见的按摩法 并且还打坏了 只有宫廷魔导师才能打坏的标靶后 他告诉校长 女主的99级说不定是真的 然而不曾想 校长却不愿信 就算打破了也不足以说明女主是99级 除非他自己可以证明一下 而说着众人的目光便同时望向了女主 女主本来是不愿意暴露自己的实力的 但此情此景也实在是让他忍不住 听到老师的一再恳求 下一秒他也决定向天空释放魔法 不过在此之前 他却决定向黄毛请示一下 如果待会发生什么事 谁来负责 但不想黄毛却压根就没在意 在表示责任由自己来扛后 女主也开始考虑该使用什么等级的魔法 太弱的不行 太强的也不行 最终在思考了一番后 他决定使用一个逼格最高的暗属性魔法 在游戏里也只有他和魔王会 不过为了以防万一 他不敢全力施展 But a co 原来这招顾名思义还真的是黑洞 不仅能无条件抹去范围内的物质 并且随着魔法的慢慢扩大 范围内的空气也会慢慢消失 直至整个空间变成真空状态 如果女主不停下来的话 仅是这一招下去 这片区域的所有人都会死 不过也正因如此 很快女主也选择了停下 她并不想滥杀无辜 何况她的目的也早已达到 此刻底下的众人无一例外都只有震惊半晌 一个字也蹦不出来 而看到黄毛惊恐的样子 女主也不禁有些玩味 这绝对是1月最龙傲天 女主开学第一天 便暴露了上限为等级99的黑洞魔法 本想低调行事 安稳过日子 结果却摊上了个秀逗王子 非要作死 指控女主等级是假的 要让其退学 无奈之下 女主只好不装了 给王子放了一手满级魔法黑洞术 吓得傻王子当场尿了一地 然而黑洞术的消息很快便传到了王宫 女主也在隔天被召进宫内 国王先是替傻王子的无礼行为向女主道歉 我的那你没什么 为了堵住群臣的嘴 证明女主的等级是真的 国王又派出等级60级的骑士团团长 来测试下女主 在这个魔王只有70级的世界里 60级已经是个相当可怕的存在 看到骑士长二话不说 就这样向自己攻来 这也让女主一瞬间就懵了 但蒙的却不是挡不挡的住 而是他不知道自己可不可以反击 国王也不先说清楚一点 但思量再三 他还是选择了最稳妥的做法 哥哥我去给他们看 有看到看爱旅游有吗 都有的 这句话顿时一时激起千层浪 但作为王兜里最强的存在 骑士长的话却不由众人不信 见众人都没了质疑 随后国王让女主展示了魔法属性 下一秒女主也如国王所愿 尽管他将威力控制的很有分寸 但亲眼见到暗魔法却还是让众人大吃一惊 毕竟这在世人的眼里是只有邪恶魔物才会用的 魔法 也是这时 国王利用宫廷首席魔导师的嘴 来向群臣解释了黑头发 暗魔法并不是邪恶的象征 而是与四大属性极光属性相同 都不过是一种属性而已 如何运用权势使用者而定 而不能被他的协议外表所迷惑 并且让大家不要对女主抱有另类的看法 接着又让女主分享下 是如何年纪轻轻练到满级的 女主表示 自己先是在领地周围的森林里打倒魔物 然后用得到的资金买了 可以让经验值加速的护符 以及可以引来魔物的护摩之敌 最终在地下城里练着练着 不知不觉就99了 此言一出不要紧 在场瞬间又引起了轩然大波 然而看似很普通的操作 却连团长也表示 做不来找魔物单挑这么可怕的事 原来护符这种道具一次只能装备一种 如果想要干掉他 不满级却几乎是不可能的 别看这个名头听起来很牛叉 但他终究只是主角团 通往幸福道路上的最后一块垫脚石 根据故事本来的主线 主角团是在打倒魔王后才会与他撞见 最后在经历了一番坎坷后 主人公使用最克制他的光系魔法 才勉强将他干掉 可那毕竟是很久以后才会发生的事 如果他是五岁时就穿越过来的呢 没错女主来到这里后 便发现自己还很小 这时的她虽然还是一级 但既然知道自己有着超越魔王的潜力 并且之后还有被主角团干掉的风险 于是为了不让未来的自己在圣光中灰飞烟灭 女主觉醒前世记忆的当天 便跑到了图书馆查阅资料 她发现自己之所以在这里不受人待见 全都是因为魔王的头发是黑色的 这里的人们普遍认为黑发是邪恶的象征 就是由于这个原因 女主长到这么大 甚至还没和他的父母见过面 不过比起这些 她最在乎的还是该如何避免未来死亡的结局 回想起这个游戏的原剧情 里面全是一些充满酸臭味的恋爱故事 女主相信自己 只要尽量避免与主角团扯上关系 他就一定能过上低调安稳的学院生活 不过在此之前 最重要的还是先提升一下等级 万一他能先一步的打倒魔王 最后肯定能减少很多麻烦 要知道他的魔法便属于最邪恶的暗黑系 他自然而然就学会了使用 仅是打倒一只史莱姆 他就感觉自己变强了许多 显然这便是升级带来的效果 也是从这天开始 每当醒来后 他都会偷偷跑出去练级 从先打倒一些最低级的魔物开始 然后等等级升上来后 他又开始挑战更高等的魔物 慢慢的他也将手伸到了地下城 虽说有些魔物看起来就很牛叉 她也叫不上名字 但却无一例外 没有一只魔物是他的对手 倒是期间通过卖掉魔物体内的魔石 他却收获了不菲的财富 然后再将魔石卖掉后 买进各种道具 首先就是这个拥有经验加成的项链 等拿到这个神器 女主便开始了独自一人挑战地下城的壮举 或许是感觉自己升级的速度太慢 女主之后又买了一个可以引怪的笛子 这下地下城里的魔物便遭了殃 每当他们刚被刷新出来 女主便会按时出现几招 就将他们全部送回泉水 这样枯燥乏味的练级日子 终于在女主15岁的这天结束了 虽然她也不知道自己现在的等级是多少 但当务之急还是先来到学院报道 至此 游戏中的主线剧情便彻底展开了 首先是作为游戏女主角的粉毛 因为不小心错过了门禁 从而相识了宰相家的儿子蓝毛 又在蓝毛傲娇的提示下 粉毛又遇到了同样错过门禁的红毛 红毛作为将军家的儿子 天生就拥有一副乐于助人的热心肠 然而就在两人气氛正好的时候 红毛一个不小心竟然带着粉毛摔进了学校食堂 这一摔不要紧 粉毛竟然因此与身为王子的黄毛结下了缘分 至此粉毛便将自己的后宫成员全都认识了个遍 原本女主是故事里经常欺负主人公的恶意千金 但毕竟现在灵魂已经换了一个人 他没有兴趣 也没有时间和对方扯上关系 可想象是美好的 直到这天 女主才发现自己忘了一件事 原来按照学校的惯例 新生在初来乍到后都要先测量一下等级 在水晶球的面前 一切都无所遁形 看到主人公的等级只是一级 女主心里也不由一慌 原来她到现在都没具体测过自己的等级 听到有学生被测出了十集 便在全场引起了轰动后 女主心里就更懵了 由于之前都是自己一个人行动 他也不知道自己打倒的魔物究竟有多强 如果此时想要低调一点的话 对他来说 五级就不错 刚刚好 这时也轮到了女主 看到他走的很慢 校长还以为他是紧张了 连忙安慰她 就算是一级也不必害羞 毕竟现在才刚入学 然而不想女主担心的压根就不是这个 直到当他将手放到水晶球上后 这个女孩怎么也没想到 自己才刚入学就被测出了 古往今来都没有的99集 这按理来说是一件好事 可错就错在她不是什么好人 而是大反派 并且比魔王还要恐怖 只是由于一直都没条件测极 他也没想到最终会测出来这么高 要知道在场所有的心声中 最高也只有十几 听到大家都怀疑女主作弊 好在这时 校长让众人肃静 并表示是真是假 等到上课识字会知晓 可淡定也不过是表面上下一秒 校长变化的脸色并没有逃过女主的眼睛 尽管这让他暂时逃过了一劫 但等到放学后就没有人顾及其他了 当即就有三人来谴责女主的作弊行为 表示他竟只是为了想引人注意 就放弃了贵族的自尊 虽然不明白为何会没有人性 但三人却已经是女主的老熟人了 原来根据故事本来的主线 眼前的三人是游戏里原本女主人公的攻略对象 在搞对象的同时 未来他们将会一起打败魔王 然而对于这些女主却压根就没有兴趣 这一世他只想要安稳的生活 眼见着女主人公就在旁边不远处 并且一脸刚入学不太习惯的样子 于是他也当即就问起了三人要不要搭话 原来虽说才刚入学 但女主却知道 由于一些意外 三人都已经或多或少与对方有了牵扯 而接着也果不其然 三人也果真对他没有了兴趣 等女主再回到班里时 便发现四人已经完全打成了一片 唯有他孤零零的就坐在角落 并且时不时还能听到同学对他的议论声 没错 他被孤立了 原来直到现在为止 他的作弊行为也依旧是众人的焦点 但殊不知这却正合他所意 反而让她有些轻松 就这样当做花瓶度过3年倒也不赖 只是想象是美好的 很快便来到了上课时间 这杰克是剑术指导课 好巧不巧的是 女主还正好是第一位 而他的第一个对手则是老熟人红毛 同样也是除了他以外 新生中最强的诗集 女生眼中典型的男神 然而这些却不是女主在乎的 此刻他的心中只有一个想法 那就是接下来该怎么放水 原来99集顾名思义 除了魔法以外 就算物理攻击也贼强 也就是说红毛的生死完全取决于他拿捏的力道 接着随着老师的一番话 红毛也摆起了攻击的架势 在表示不会因为女生就对他手下留情后 下一秒他就开始了进攻 然而看起来很猛 殊不知 这在女主的眼里却宛如慢动作 在随手制造了一发意外后 红毛便被摔了个狗吃屎 不过摔的这么丢人 却是女主没想到的 正当他问老师这样是否就算结束了时 却不想这对红毛而言却无异于羞辱 下一秒他就不讲武德发起了偷袭 一时不慎让女主没完全控制好力道 啊不过好在红毛命大 就在他准备送对方去医务室时 不曾想去 让老师不能淡定了 在连忙便表示自己去就行后 随后老师扛着红毛就走 而这一消失就是一节课期间 并没有再发生什么意外 毕竟这次亲眼所见 其他人压根就不敢接近女主 接着也来到了第二节魔法课 由于这节课要和其他小组一起上 因此人也不知不觉变得更多了起来 而这节课的目的 也只是检测一下众人的魔法实力 老师表示 只要能打到标靶就行 毕竟这只是第一堂课而已 这次女主不再是第一轮 仅是一会的功夫 她便见识到了好几种不同属性的魔法 每个人的水平都参差不齐 值得注意的只有两个 一个是只有女主人公才会的光明魔法 这在整个世界也是特别罕见的例子 因为光属性不仅克制暗属性 也同样是克制魔王的王牌 而另一个则是攻略对象之一的蓝毛 他所会使用的魔法竟有四种 并且每一种也都达到了驾轻就熟的地步 不过对此老师却已经见怪不怪 原来蓝毛在别的方面不说 但在魔法方面 他却是当之无愧的天才 而很快也轮到了女主 虽说他所绘的暗属性同样也很稀有 但被誉为邪恶魔法的他却并不受世人待见 不过好在也只是主观上的 因此他还是可以放心使用的 倒是以防万一 他想知道标靶的材质怎么样 如果一不小心坏了怎么办 可不想此言却引来了蓝猫的嘲讽 她都不可能 女主又怎么可能 而听老师的解释才知道 原来这个标靶没有宫廷魔导师的力量 想打坏无异于牛在天上飞 而听到这里 女主也放心了不少 随着心念一动 他也小心的使出了自己最弱的一招 看到这里 蓝毛差点就要笑出声 可唯有老师却不能淡定了 他一眼便认出了女主 不仅使出的是暗魔法 并且魔力量还不如小觑 而接着也果不其然 只见在魔法接触的瞬间 这个标靶也以诡异的形式开始了融化 等到众人再回过神时 标靶便只剩下的一双脚 虽然有些懵 其中也包括女主 但老师也连忙向众人普及 暗属性并不是邪恶魔法 历史上也有宫廷魔导师学会的例子 最不能忍受的则是蓝毛 她不能接受女主竟比自己的天赋还好 在表示不愿承认后 说完便耻辱的离去 就在老师有些傻眼时 这时黄毛也和校长一起走过来 而映入眼帘的则是一个退学通知书 原来黄毛一整天都不见 就是在说服校长让女主退学 身为国家的第二王子 他的权力在这里可谓是一手遮天 此时校长显然已经和黄毛达成了一致 他告诉女主作弊的结果不仅是退学那么简单 接下来整个国家的学校也没有人再会要她 这番操作 差点将女主给气笑 就在他打算扭头就走时 却不想老师却帮她说话 在表示女主不仅拥有很罕见的按摩法 并且还打坏了 只有宫廷魔导师才能打坏的标靶后 他告诉校长 女主的99级说不定是真的 然而不曾想 校长却不愿信 就算打破了也不足以说明女主是99级 除非他自己可以证明一下 而说着众人的目光便同时望向了女主 女主本来是不愿意暴露自己的实力的 但此情此景也实在是让她忍不住 听到老师的一再恳求 下一秒她也决定向天空释放魔法 不过在此之前 他却决定向黄毛请示一下 如果待会发生什么事 谁来负责 但不想黄毛却压根就没在意 在表示责任由自己来扛后 女主也开始考虑该使用什么等级的魔法 太弱的不行 太强的也不行 最终在思考了一番后 他决定使用一个逼格最高的暗属性魔法 在游戏里也只有他和魔王会 不过为了以防万一 他不敢全力施展 原来这招顾名思义还真的是黑洞 不仅能无条件抹去范围内的物质 并且随着魔法的慢慢扩大 范围内的空气也会慢慢消失 直至整个空间变成真空状态 如果女主不停下来的话 仅是这一招下去 这片区域的所有人都会死 不过也正因如此 很快女主也选择了停下 她并不想滥杀无辜 何况她的目的也早已达到 此刻底下的众人无一例外都只有震惊半晌 一个字也蹦不出来 而看到黄毛惊恐的样子 女主也不禁有些玩味 这绝对是1月最龙傲天 女主开学第一天 便暴露了上限为等级99的黑洞魔法 本想低调行事 安稳过日子 结果却摊上了个秀逗王子 非要作死 指控女主等级是假的 要让其退学 无奈之下 女主只好不装了 给王子放了一手满级魔法黑洞术 吓得傻王子当场尿了一地 然而黑洞术的消息很快便传到了王宫 女主也在隔天被召进宫内 国王先是替傻王子的无礼行为向女主道歉 我的那你没什么 为了堵住群臣的嘴 证明女主的等级是真的 国王又派出等级60级的骑士团团长 来测试下女主 在这个魔王只有70级的世界里 60级已经是个相当可怕的存在 看到骑士长二话不说 就这样向自己攻来 这也让女主一瞬间就懵了 但蒙的却不是挡不挡的住 而是他不知道自己可不可以反击 国王也不先说清楚一点 但思量再三 他还是选择了最稳妥的做法 哥哥我去给他们看 这句话顿时意识激起千层浪 但作为王兜里最强的存在 骑士长的话却不由众人不信 见众人都没了质疑 随后国王让女主展示了魔法属性 下一秒女主也如国王所愿 尽管他将威力控制的很有分寸 但亲眼见到暗魔法却还是让众人大吃一惊 毕竟这在世人的眼里是只有邪恶魔物才会用的 魔法 也是这时 国王利用宫廷首席魔导师的嘴 来向群臣解释了黑头发 暗魔法并不是邪恶的象征 而是与四大属性极光属性相同 都不过是一种属性而已 如何运用权势使用者而定 而不能被他的协议外表所迷惑 并且让大家不要对女主抱有另类的看法 接着又让女主分享下 是如何年纪轻轻练到满级的 女主表示 自己先是在领地周围的森林里打倒魔物 然后用得到的资金买了 可以让经验值加速的护符 以及可以引来魔物的护摩之敌 最终在地下城里练着练着 不知不觉就99了 此言一出不要紧 在场瞬间又引起了轩然大波 然而看似很普通的操作 却连团长也表示 做不来找魔物单挑这么可怕的事 原来护符这种道具一次只能装备一种 如果想要干掉他 不满级却几乎是不可能的 别看这个名头听起来很牛叉 但他终究只是主角团 通往幸福道路上的最后一块垫脚石 根据故事本来的主线 主角团是在打倒魔王后才会与他撞见 最后在经历了一番坎坷后 主人公使用最克制他的光系魔法 才勉强将他干掉 可那毕竟是很久以后才会发生的事 如果他是五岁时就穿越过来的呢 没错女主来到这里后 便发现自己还很小 这时的她虽然还是一级 但既然知道自己有着超越魔王的潜力 并且之后还有被主角团干掉的风险 于是为了不让未来的自己在圣光中灰飞烟灭 女主觉醒前世记忆的当天 便跑到了图书馆查阅资料 她发现自己之所以在这里不受人待见 全都是因为魔王的头发是黑色的 这里的人们普遍认为黑发是邪恶的象征 就是由于这个原因 女主长到这么大 甚至还没和她的父母见过面 不过比起这些 她最在乎的还是该如何避免未来死亡的结局 回想起这个游戏的原剧情 里面全是一些充满酸臭味的恋爱故事 女主相信自己 只要尽量避免与主角团扯上关系 他就一定能过上低调安稳的学院生活 不过在此之前 最重要的还是先提升一下等级 万一他能先一步的打倒魔王 最后肯定能减少很多麻烦 要知道他的魔法便属于最邪恶的暗黑系 他自然而然就学会了使用 仅是打倒一只史莱姆 他就感觉自己变强了许多 显然这便是升级带来的效果 也是从这天开始 每当醒来后 他都会偷偷跑出去练级 从先打倒一些最低级的魔物开始 然后等等级升上来后 他又开始挑战更高等的魔物 慢慢的他也将手伸到了地下城 虽说有些魔物看起来就很牛叉 他也叫不上名字 但却无一例外 没有一只魔物是他的对手 倒是期间通过卖掉魔物体内的魔石 他却收获了不菲的财富 然后再将魔石卖掉后 买进各种道具 首先就是这个拥有经验加成的项链 等拿到这个神器 女主便开始了独自一人挑战地下城的壮举 或许是感觉自己升级的速度太慢 女主之后又买了一个可以引怪的笛子 这下地下城里的魔物便遭了殃 每当他们刚被刷新出来 女主便会按时出现几招 就将他们全部送回泉水 这样枯燥乏味的练级日子 终于在女主15岁的这天结束了 虽然她也不知道自己现在的等级是多少 但当务之急还是先来到学院报道 至此 游戏中的主线剧情便彻底展开了 首先是作为游戏女主角的粉毛 因为不小心错过了门禁 从而相识了宰相家的儿子蓝毛 又在蓝毛傲娇的提示下 粉毛又遇到了同样错过门禁的红毛 红毛作为将军家的儿子 天生就拥有一副乐于助人的热心肠 然而就在两人气氛正好的时候 红毛一个不小心竟然带着粉毛摔进了学校食堂 这一摔不要紧 粉毛竟然因此与身为王子的黄毛结下了缘分 至此粉毛便将自己的后宫成员全都认识了个遍 原本女主是故事里经常欺负主人公的恶意千金 但毕竟现在灵魂已经换了一个人 他没有兴趣 也没有时间和对方扯上关系 可想象是美好的 直到这天 女主才发现自己忘了一件事 原来按照学校的惯例 新生在初来乍到后都要先测量一下等级 在水晶球的面前 一切都无所遁形 看到主人公的等级只是一级 女主心里也不由一晃 原来她到现在都没具体测过自己的等级 听到有学生被测出了十集 便在全场引起了轰动后 女主心里就更懵了 由于之前都是自己一个人行动 他也不知道自己打倒的魔物究竟有多强 如果此时想要低调一点的话 对他来说 五级就不错 刚刚好 这时也轮到了女主 看到他走的很慢 校长还以为他是紧张了 连忙安慰她 就算是一级也不必害羞 毕竟现在才刚入学 然而不想女主担心的压根就不是这个 直到当他将手放到水晶球上后 这个女孩怎么也没想到 自己才刚入学就被测出了 古往今来都没有的99集 这按理来说是一件好事 可错就错在她不是什么好人 而是大反派 并且比魔王还要恐怖 只是由于一直都没条件测极 他也没想到最终会测出来这么高 要知道在场所有的心声中 最高也只有十几 听到大家都怀疑女主作弊 好在这时 校长让众人肃静 并表示是真是假 等到上课识字会知晓 可淡定也不过是表面上下一秒 校长变化的脸色并没有逃过女主的眼睛 尽管这让他暂时逃过了一劫 但等到放学后就没有人顾及其他了 当即就有三人来谴责女主的作弊行为 表示他竟只是为了想引人注意 就放弃了贵族的自尊 虽然不明白为何会没有人性 但三人却已经是女主的老熟人了 原来根据故事本来的主线 眼前的三人是游戏里原本女主人公的攻略对象 在搞对象的同时 未来他们将会一起打败魔王 然而对于这些女主却压根就没有兴趣 这一世他只想要安稳的生活 眼见着女主人公就在旁边不远处 并且一脸刚入学不太习惯的样子 于是他也当即就问起了三人要不要搭话 原来虽说才刚入学 但女主却知道 由于一些意外 三人都已经或多或少与对方有了牵扯 而接着也果不其然 三人也果真对他没有了兴趣 等女主再回到班里时 便发现四人已经完全打成了一片 唯有他孤零零的就坐在角落 并且时不时还能听到同学对他的议论声 没错 他被孤立了 原来直到现在为止 他的作弊行为也依旧是众人的焦点 但殊不知这却正合他所意 反而让她有些轻松 就这样当做花瓶度过3年倒也不赖 只是想象是美好的 很快便来到了上课时间 这节课是剑术指导课 好巧不巧的是 女主还正好是第一位 而她的第一个对手则是老熟人红毛 同样也是除了他以外 新生中最强的诗集 女生眼中典型的男神 然而这些却不是女主在乎的 此刻他的心中只有一个想法 那就是接下来该怎么放水 原来99集顾名思义 除了魔法以外 就算物理攻击也贼强 也就是说红毛的生死完全取决于他拿捏的力道 接着随着老师的一番话 红毛也摆起了攻击的架势 在表示不会因为女生就对他手下留情后 下一秒他就开始了进攻 然而看起来很猛 殊不知 这在女主的眼里却宛如慢动作 在随手制造了一发意外后 红毛便被摔了个狗吃屎 不过摔的这么丢人 却是女主没想到的 正当他问老师这样是否就算结束了时 却不想这对红毛而言却无异于羞辱 下一秒他就不讲武德发起了偷袭 一时不慎让女主没完全控制好力道 啊不过好在红毛命大 就在他准备送对方去医务室时 不曾想去 让老师不能淡定了 在连忙便表示自己去就行后 随后老师扛着红毛就走 而这一消失就是一节课期间 并没有再发生什么意外 毕竟这次亲眼所见 其他人压根就不敢接近女主 接着也来到了第二节魔法课 由于这节课要和其他小组一起上 因此人也不知不觉变得更多了起来 而这节课的目的 也只是检测一下众人的魔法实力 老师表示 只要能打到标靶就行 毕竟这只是第一堂课而已 这次女主不再是第一轮 仅是一会的功夫 她便见识到了好几种不同属性的魔法 每个人的水平都参差不齐 值得注意的只有两个 一个是只有女主人公才会的光明魔法 这在整个世界也是特别罕见的例子 因为光属性不仅克制暗属性 也同样是克制魔王的王牌 而另一个则是攻略对象之一的蓝毛 他所会使用的魔法竟有四种 并且每一种也都达到了驾轻就熟的地步 不过对此老师却已经见怪不怪 原来蓝毛在别的方面不说 但在魔法方面 他却是当之无愧的天才 而很快也轮到了女主 虽说他所绘的暗属性同样也很稀有 但被誉为邪恶魔法的他却并不受世人待见 不过好在也只是主观上的 因此他还是可以放心使用的 倒是以防万一 他想知道标靶的材质怎么样 如果一不小心坏了怎么办 可不想此言却引来了蓝猫的嘲讽 她都不可能 女主又怎么可能 而听老师的解释才知道 原来这个标靶没有宫廷魔导师的力量 想打坏无异于牛在天上飞 而听到这里 女主也放心了不少 随着心念一动 他也小心的使出了自己最弱的一招 看到这里 蓝毛差点就要笑出声 可唯有老师却不能淡定了 他一眼便认出了女主 不仅使出的是暗魔法 并且魔力量还不如小觑 而接着也果不其然 只见在魔法接触的瞬间 这个标靶也以诡异的形式开始了融化 等到众人再回过神时 标靶便只剩下的一双脚 虽然有些懵 其中也包括女主 但老师也连忙向众人普及 暗属性并不是邪恶魔法 历史上也有宫廷魔导师学会的例子 最不能忍受的则是蓝毛 他不能接受女主竟比自己的天赋还好 在表示不愿承认后 说完便耻辱的离去 就在老师有些傻眼时 这时黄毛也和校长一起走过来 而映入眼帘的则是一个退学通知书 原来黄毛一整天都不见 就是在说服校长让女主退学 身为国家的第二王子 他的权力在这里可谓是一手遮天 此时校长显然已经和黄毛达成了一致 他告诉女主作弊的结果不仅是退学那么简单 接下来整个国家的学校也没有人再会要他 这番操作 差点将女主给气笑 就在他打算扭头就走时 却不想老师却帮她说话 在表示女主不仅拥有很罕见的按摩法 并且还打坏了 只有宫廷魔导师才能打坏的标靶后 他告诉校长 女主的99级说不定是真的 然而不曾想 校长却不愿信 就算打破了也不足以说明女主是99级 除非他自己可以证明一下 而说着众人的目光便同时望向了女主 女主本来是不愿意暴露自己的实力的 但此情此景也实在是让她忍不住 听到老师的一再恳求 下一秒她也决定向天空释放魔法 不过在此之前 他却决定向黄毛请示一下 如果待会发生什么事 谁来负责 但不想黄毛却压根就没在意 在表示责任由自己来扛后 女主也开始考虑该使用什么等级的魔法 太弱的不行 太强的也不行 最终在思考了一番后 他决定使用一个逼格最高的暗属性魔法 在游戏里也只有他和魔王会 不过为了以防万一 他不敢全力施展 原来这招顾名思义还真的是黑洞 不仅能无条件抹去范围内的物质 并且随着魔法的慢慢扩大 范围内的空气也会慢慢消失 直至整个空间变成真空状态 如果女主不停下来的话 仅是这一招下去 这片区域的所有人都会死 不过也正因如此 很快女主也选择了停下 她并不想滥杀无辜 何况她的目的也早已达到 此刻底下的众人无一例外都只有震惊半晌 一个字也蹦不出来 而看到黄毛惊恐的样子 女主也不禁有些玩味 这绝对是1月最龙傲天 女主开学第一天 便暴露了上限为等级99的黑洞魔法 本想低调行事 安稳过日子 结果却摊上了个秀逗王子 非要作死 指控女主等级是假的 要让其退学 无奈之下 女主只好不装了 给王子放了一手满级魔法黑洞术 吓得傻王子当场尿了一地 然而黑洞术的消息很快便传到了王宫 女主也在隔天被召进宫内 国王先是替傻王子的无礼行为向女主道歉 我的那你没了什么 为了堵住群臣的嘴 证明女主的等级是真的 国王又派出等级60级的骑士团团长 来测试下女主 在这个魔王只有70级的世界里 60级已经是个相当可怕的存在 看到骑士长二话不说 就这样向自己攻来 这也让女主一瞬间就懵了 但蒙的却不是挡不挡得住 而是他不知道自己可不可以反击 国王也不先说清楚一点 但思量再三 他还是选择了最稳妥的做法 哥哥我去给他们看 有看到看到旅游约吗 都有的 这句话顿时一时激起千层浪 但作为王兜里最强的存在 骑士长的话却不由众人不信 见众人都没了质疑 随后国王让女主展示了魔法属性 下一秒女主也如国王所愿 尽管他将威力控制的很有分寸 但亲眼见到暗魔法却还是让众人大吃一惊 毕竟这在世人的眼里是只有邪恶魔物才会用的 魔法 也是这时 国王利用宫廷首席魔导师的嘴 来向群臣解释了黑头发 暗魔法并不是邪恶的象征 而是与四大属性极光属性相同 都不过是一种属性而已 如何运用权势使用者而定 而不能被他的协议外表所迷惑 并且让大家不要对女主抱有另类的看法 接着又让女主分享下 是如何年纪轻轻轻练到满级的 女主表示 自己先是在领地周围的森林里打倒魔物 然后用得到的资金买了 可以让经验值加速的护符 以及可以引来魔物的护摩之敌 最终在地下城里练着练着 不知不觉就99了 此言一出不要紧 在场瞬间又引起了轩然大波 然而看似很普通的操作 却连团长也表示 做不来找魔物单挑这么可怕的事 原来护符这种道具一次只能装备一种 如果想要末日来临 暴风雪呼啸 当我窝在农村的自建别墅里涮着羊肉火锅 前妻和小白脸却冻得相拥在一起 啃着发毒的干巴馒头 自我安慰 我们有钱有钱就能买到一切 我想起前世被他砍死的场景 有钱先买到自己的命再说吧 我重生回来了 正巧碰到苏珊 嚷嚷着要跟我离婚 我敛住汹涌的恨意 一口答应 也没想到我突然松口 放弃纠缠 不敢相信的连连质问 真的答应跟我离婚了 你可别再耍什么花招 我看了眼时间 距离天灾来临还有十天时间不多了 现在马上我们去民政局路上 看着身边人满脸得意洋洋 眉眼间掩不住的春色 我努力克制住杀掉他的冲动 饥寒交迫之际 他拿起斧头冲向我 那剧痛仿佛还残留在天灵盖上 这一世我要让他血债血偿 划分财产的时候 我只要了家里的所有的存款 共20万 还有一辆车 苏珊一口答应 还朝着我邀功看 我对你好吧 我都净身出户了 我笑得满含讥讽 却故作不知 房子不是留给你了吗 还以为我不知道他中了1亿彩票大奖 想在兑奖前逼走我 独吞巨额奖金 前世的我并不知情 还妄想着挽回感情 直到他带着他的小白脸回到家 我才知道 原来我以为的好老婆早就和别的男人勾搭成奸 天灾来临 暴风雪持续肆虐 我们三人同在一个屋阁下 物资有限 他们两人不仅抢走我仅有的面包 还逼我在极寒天气出门抢物资 可我抵死不从 争执之下 前妻抄起手边的斧头 狠狠地劈向了我 意识残留之际 还看到那两个恶魔 双眼放光 快快这可是新鲜的肉 我也没有要房子 城市里的楼房在末日不仅一点用处都没有 还会遭到邻居的攻击 这一世就让那里成为苏珊的棺材吧 提交了离婚申请书 我就赶紧开车回家收拾行李 收拾到一半 苏珊也回来了 看她掩饰不住的喜意 我猜应该是把1亿奖金拿到手了 但我毫不理会 继续整理着我的那些衣物 特别是加棉加厚的冬装 再见了季坤 带着你的那些破烂滚回你的农村去吧 我要出去玩了 苏珊一走 我马不停蹄地翻箱倒柜 她的冬装全都带走 跟前世一样 他是跟小白脸去了三亚海边 回来的时候 正好碰上极寒天气 开始轻薄的衣物 让他们刚出机舱就冷的受不了 从而把火气撒到因冷热交替染上风寒 险些迟到的我身上 真是废物 开个车都不会路过厨房扫荡的时候 我还不经意瞅到了一把眼熟的斧头 这本是用来砍大棒骨的 没想到前世却成了我致死的凶器 凝视片刻 然后顺手把它拿出来 给放到了桌子上 最后我环视了一眼 这个看起来没什么变化 实则空空如也的房子 给几个关键的隐蔽位置装上了实时监视器 处理完毕 我带着东西开车连夜赶回市郊的农村家里 见到爸妈 我的泪立马忍不住流了下来 前世断电断网 我也没能和他们取得最后的联系 也不知道他们有没有熬过那场天灾 看到我哭 他们慌了神 连忙追问怎么回事 我犹豫再三 还是把所有的事都和他们说了 也包括天灾重生 气得我妈泪水呜咽 我爸捡烟怒骂爸妈 现在不是说这个的时候 我们要赶紧改造房屋 屯食品物资 我爸把烟一掐 干脆道行 你说咋办就咋办 为了提高房屋的稳定性 我喊来了工程队来做全楼加固 还做了双层保暖 窗户也全都换成最坚固的三层玻璃 楼顶安装了五块巨大的太阳能发电板 将整个屋顶盖的严严实实 到时候断电了 能靠自发电过日子 还要有发热源 现在农村都靠燃气取暖 可到时候燃气一断 暖气片变得冰凉 照样会受冻 我从仓库翻出早已替换掉的烧火炉 这种炉子靠燃烧煤炭产生热量 小时候的冬天就是这样度过的 可这炉子许久未用 早已锈迹斑斑 灰尘满满 我爸看到我在犯难 问清楚怎么回事后 哈哈一笑 现在都买不到煤炭了 这炉子就算能用也用不了 我去给你买个好的 日喜时分 我爸领着一辆小货车回来了 上面舞台崭新的颗粒取暖炉 还有上百袋子的颗粒燃料 颗粒取暖炉能烧水做饭 燃料耐用 环保安全 我在二楼的两间卧室 还有客厅都各放一台 剩下两台放到三楼 燃料我就多放到了一楼 到时候雪厚达十多米 一楼完全不能住人 所以我把它当成仓库使用 公认安装完排烟管 夜色就已经很深了 我们一家三口匆匆吃完饭就躺床上养精蓄锐 迎接明天的大战 第二天兵分三路 我爸去附近集市上购买现宰杀的猪羊牛鸡鸭肉 我驱车去大型超市采购消耗品 日用品以及素食 我妈则留在家中采摘菜园子里的瓜果蔬菜 正值9月 蔬果丰收也是有不小的收获 到了超市 我先是购买了十多匹轻柔保暖的羽绒被 电热毯 还有填容量最高的长款羽绒服 以及最贵最轻薄的保暖衣物 再就是纸巾 消毒水和日化用品 我一箱一箱的往购物车里搬 这些东西保质期长 多囤点也不会浪费素食 我也拿了不少 万一真到没法开火的时候 这些东西还能顶饱 从超市出来 途经一家劳保店 又进去买了军大衣 防水雨靴 羽绒防水手套和加棉口罩 按照我的预测 如果顺利熬过天灾 天气会变得更冷一段时间 到时候还需要人为的去铲除大量的积雪 融雪排水 这些都会用到 我开的是越野车 容量不大 往返三遍才把东西都拉回家里 我爸肉买的也不少 除了猪羊牛鸡鸭肉之外 还有各类骨头鱼和活虾 螃蟹 正是肥美的时候 他也买了五箱子回来 还租用了五台商用冰柜用来储存肉类 虽然暴风雪时天气极冷 没有取暖炉的一楼就是个天然冰窟 但这几天这些肉类还是需要冰柜来储藏的 外出采购结束了 接下来我们开始帮妈妈采摘瓜果 我爸则趁这个空又去批发了一堆调味品 还有油米灭也装了满满一车 拉回来 我打开手机看看外面世界的情况 朋友圈一刷就出现了前妻的大脸 以及和他亲一脸贴脸的小白脸 剩下几张不难看出他们在三亚玩的很是快活 住着好几千一晚上的星级酒店 吃着海鲜大餐 我真心的给他点了个赞 玩吧玩吧 好好玩 享受人生中最后的快活时光吧 我舒舒服服的洗了个澡 不然我意识到一个问题 让我浑身汗毛竖起 没有存水 暴风雪断的不只是电 还有水 水管冻住 水箱冻裂 只能靠接的雪化成水来解渴 温度低 融化的慢 不说那些血还极脏 化出来的水往往掺杂着灰尘沙粒 前世前世和小白脸喝的是纯的矿泉水 我只能喝血水 喝完腹痛难耐 腹泻不止 根本不能喝 这个时候距离前世的天灾来临只剩不到五天了 我连忙试探头发 去找我爸 想解决办法 我妈拿着条毛巾追在我身后给我擦 急什么急什么 头发不及时吹干 会头疼的 我爸听完我的诉求 笑得高深莫测 原来我爸早就想到这个问题了 联系了一位干工厂的叔叔 定制了三个不锈钢水箱 不仅保暖 还是304材质的 等拉来一看 面积足足占了大半个院子 这存的水量 至少能够我们一家三口用上大半年了 再省着点用一年也没有问题 还买了个大型净水器 如果水出现了污染 也不至于束手无策 解决完这个大事 我又细细回想前世发生的一切 想着还需要做什么 我爸我妈却突然想到了一件事 地里的玉米还没收 虽说那玉米的水分还没干透 还不到收割的时候 可暴雪来临 糟蹋了总归可惜 他们又忙联系收割机提前收玉米 这下终于引起村里人的注意了 他们纷纷站在地头上指指点点 我看你们是种果树 种糊涂了 这距离收玉米至少还得需要十天呢 你这提前收了会发霉 不说玉米贩子一看湿度太大 也不会要你们的呀 我爸妈笑着说 不碍事 我一好心提醒叔叔伯伯们 今年这天气感觉不太正常 还是早点收了安心 他们嗤之以鼻 你小子懂什么 你下过几次地 我爸妈听后毫不理会 我却有些忐忑 临近天灾来临 这天气却没一点变化 我既然能重生 那天灾会不会也不再重现 如果没像前世那样发生 那这季的收成可真是损失不少 我将担忧讲给他们听 爸妈却一脸不以为然 如果没发生 那自然最好一片玉米地 买一个安心也值了 第二天天气剧变 本来第一场秋雨过后 已经是秋高气爽的天气突然急剧升温 气温一度升至40度 全国各地都在哀嚎嚷着 这秋老虎太厉害了 我的心越来越沉 果然来了 前世也是巨热了两天 在第三天的下午 突然刮起大风 温度骤降 然后暴雪接踵而至 我在相关的帖子底下留言说 这天气不正常 建议囤点物资 以防不测 结果引来一片嘲讽 你是来卖物资的吧 又一个看末日小说看啥的 谁家这么热的天气吞食物 我有些无力 希望我那短暂存在的回复 多多少少能引起点人们的关注 如果有人听劝 那最好不过了 把手机扔一旁 我又投入到忙碌中 时间紧迫 我爸正在安装每个楼层之间的隔挡 到时候可以缩小空间 增强取暖效果 我妈则依然围着灶台转悠 蒸馒头 蒸包子 烙饼还包了不少水饺 到时候可以直接下锅吃 时间就这样加速过去 突然手机中的监控软件提醒我前妻的那所房子 有人来了 我一看是他和小白脸提前回来了 比前世早了一天 虽然不知道他们为何改变了行程 但我透过监视器观察到他们并没有什么异常 两人吐槽了下 这该死的炎热天气后就睡了 可他们想不到的是 一觉睡醒 迎接他们的是世界巨变 9月5日下午 暴风雪如期而至 我望着窗外的鹅毛大雪 庆幸一切都安排妥当 手里的20万存款全部花光 加上爸妈出了几万块钱 采购的物资足以够挺一段时间 网上有人在骂这该死的鬼天气 有人问是不是哪里有冤情 也有人意识到了不对 开始提倡囤点物资 特别是到了傍晚时分 雪还没有停的意思 越下越后 从卧室出来 想看他晚饭吃什么 可客厅净空无一人 我跑到一楼才找到了我妈 他止不住地朝门外张望 妈怎么了 你爸他他还没有回来 今天中午吃完饭 他看着起风了 就说要回你爷爷家拿点东西 妈你先别急 我现在就开车去找爸 暴雪天能见度极低 同时地上的积雪也让人寸步难行 就在这时 幸亏我想得周到 早给轮胎加上防滑链 要不然啊我到半夜才能回来呢 还挺有脸是吧 害得我和儿子快要吓死了 我爸也不努力搬到车上往下搬东西 先是一些农用工具 还有一把电锯 这些工具不仅能够铲取 关键时刻还能防身在末世 往往人比自然环境更加危险 再就是挤麻袋的柿子 你娘俩最爱吃的脆柿子是咱老家门前的那棵树 结的熟的差不多了 我就给打下来了 不知是风太大了还是怎么的 我眼前被一层泪模糊了视线 这时车上跑下来一条狗 老爸说看他可怜就给带回来了 看你长得这么彪 以后你就叫刀哥了 嘿嘿嘿嘿 夜里风从门缝里刮进来 呜呜作响 我被吵的睡不着 这时我看见客厅亮着灯 是老爸拿着厚实的塑料布 准备把窗户钉上 这样做既防风又保暖 爸你盯上的这不透气性怎么样 别到时候咱们闷出病了 好像忘了和你说了 房屋加固的时候 我还顺便做了新风系统 再怎么封窗 空气雅也绝对新鲜 我再一次为我爸的先见之明竖起了大拇指 见没什么需要我帮忙的 我就回到了房间 我拿起手机准备上网 冲会浪 就在这时 定睛一看 来电人就是苏珊姬坤 家里厚被子呢 我都快被冻死了哦 厚被子啊 那是我买的 咱俩离婚了 肯定是被我带走了 连床被子都要计较 你就是个只配用破烂的乡下人命 我懒得听他说话 直接挂断了电话 接着打开了监控 他敢挂我电话 气死我了 还有这破空调是不是坏了 一点都不制热 好了好了 宝宝雪 说不定明天就停了 咱们抱着睡不冷滴 嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿 亲你们就好好抱着吧 现在物资也囤的很多 房子也改造的差不多了 可我总觉得还是不够 因为前世我并没有活很长时间 这场灾难会持续多长时间 我也不清楚 我现在能做的就是尽量活的够长 按照前世记忆 明天应该会停几天雪 然后真正的灾难就会到来 这两天得想办法继续囤点东西 叮庇护所改造目标 完成物资收集目标 完成系统开启 恭喜宿主开启末日仓库系统 我去我也有系统了哈哈 系统还真是重生者标配啊 听这系统名字应该会给我个仓库吧 对的本系统会给予宿主一个E空间仓库 除了此功能外 其他功能暂未解锁 解锁其他功能需要宿主存活足够的天数 系统功能解锁需要存活天数 看来这个灾难会持续很长时间 打开异次元空间 哦我乐个豆 这么大的空间能装多少东西啊 地方不够的问题解决了 现在要做的就是尽可能多囤点东西 唉缺钱啊 还得想办法弄点钱 明早和爸妈商量下吧 本次暴雪天气已过 后续天气将持续转晴 爸现在回温只是暂时的 两天后真正的灾难才会到 生怕老爸不信 我又加了句 我说的是真的 你要相信我闻言 怎么会不信 你是我儿子 我是你老子 我不信你信谁 我同老爸说了下 我们现在还需要买东西 同时我也说了这个神秘的仓库 但没有说细的 所以我们还需要买东西 因为我也不知道灾难什么时候会结束 现在最大的问题就是钱不够 傻儿子 咱们可以找银行啊 我和老爸立马开车来到银行 当然我们是来贷款的呀 可不是来抢劫的哦 贷完款 我们朝着超市走去 我们准备把之前买的东西再买一点点 买完东西找了个没人的地方 把这些吃食和用品一股脑全扔到系统仓库里 只留下一车的物资 放在车后 别问为啥不全放进空间里 问就是车开都开来了 不拉点东西 感觉怪怪的 回去途中我打开手机 发现网上也有开始提倡囤点物资的人 这次网友的反应不像上次我说的那么激烈 也有附和的声音 但是绝大部分还是不以为然 我打开了监控 日常看下前妻他们在干嘛 她正在和小白脸吵架 珊珊外卖根本没人接单啊 跑腿也没有 我给你钱 你出去买点东西回来吃 珊珊 你看我这个小身板一出去不得埋到雪里呀 你一个大男人出去买点东西怎么了 你还想让我这个弱女子出去买吗 凭什么每次都使唤我 我把话撂这了 我使劲责 就是饿死死 外面从这跳下去 不会去买一点东西 使劲泽 你再说一遍 接着他们便吵了起来 看了一会我就退出了监控 不一会车也开到家了 下车后我便和老爸忙着搬东西 卸完东西 老爸负责去停车 我负责搬进家哇 好多吃的啊 妈妈我想要吃哟 小鸡啊 你家这是要把这些东西卖掉吗 我仔细看了 看来人是住在我家隔壁的 隔壁的老王媳妇 我们喊他王姨 你看看之前你们囤东西的时候 我就说过 别买这个雪 一会就停 你看你们还不信 买了这么多 现在卖不掉了吧 我刚准备说话 他便又开口道 我家儿子想吃你的零食 你家有这么多给我儿子吃点吧 我就想吃点东西吗 至于说这么多话吗 我打开手中的泡面 拿了两把 你怎么这么小气啊 这么多箱直接给一箱呗 咱们邻居这么多年臭不要脸 见我没有动 他便直接上手来抢 你怎么这么小气啊 这么多箱直接给一箱呗 咱们邻居这么多年 王姨 你这直接抢不好吧 而且这是我花钱买的 我想给就给你 跟一个孩子计较啥 尊老爱幼 懂不懂 他还小 你就应该让他 我又不是他爹 为啥要让着他做人呢 不要斤斤计较 吃亏是福 那我祝你福如东海 寿比昙花 就在我们争执不下的时候 一个人已飞了出来 何方宵 小休伤吾尔哦 哎呦 这不是小王吗 我看有人欺负我儿子 一不小心就踢了过来 没伤到你吧 你看我下手也没个轻重的 你绝对故意的 我年龄大了 身体不好 还有心脏病 你可别跟我计较啊 而且老话说得好 吃亏是福 你说是吧 你你欺负人 儿子把那箱泡面给你王姨 让你王姨回去补补好的 爸哦 回去吃泡面咯 你个小没良心的 妈都没吃的 重要是吧 你别跑 姜还是老的辣 老爸还得是你 那是对付这种人 就得用这种方法 嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿 小插曲过后 我们把物资搬进家 将仓库的绝大部分食物放进异空间 只留三个冰柜里的食物没有放进去 忙了一天 我妈晚上包了许多饺子 吃完洗了个澡 然后便早早睡去 第二天一早我便被一阵吵闹声叫醒 出房门便看见一些亲戚在客厅和爸妈说着什么 二舅听说你家最近中彩票了 听街坊邻居说 你家最近又是买各种吃的 又是修房子的 二舅你也知道 我上有八岁老女 下有80岁女儿 穷的都揭不开锅了 二舅你就借点钱给我呗 呃还有我舅姥爷借我点钱 我去给我儿子买个篮球 练习两年半再还你哦 这是我插话了 表哥我家最近因为装修房子呀 手头也不是很宽裕 要不你试一试 借呗或者花呗 那不行 那些玩意借了要还的 你搁那给我吹呼 你妈嗯 你看你长得那个逼 好像上单秀儿好啦 要是借钱的 那你们可以回去了 其实我们家也没钱 你们看这都是贷的款 上面白纸黑字写明了贷款信息 搞了半天没钱啊 亏我们这么冷天跑这来散了散了 望着他们的背影 老爸朝他们喊 这天气有问题 你们最好囤点吃的 以防万一 天都放晴了 能有啥事啊 看来他们一家是真疯了 最近听说季坤这小子和富山离婚了呢 难不成他们一家都少司机了 心里这么想着 嘴上却说道好的 叫老爷 望着他们离去的背影 我微微叹了口气 明天晚上就要变天了 还来得及 希望他们能听句劝吧 时间飞逝 第二天傍晚 天气突然巨变 紧接着便下起了鹅毛大雪 终于所有人都有了囤货意识 涌入超市扫荡物资源 而此时的我正在屋子里吃着火锅 看着剧本 看着屋外纷飞的大雪 我点开了监控 此时的苏珊和小白脸正裹着被子坐在沙发上 客厅桌子上放着吃剩的泡面宝宝 现在大家都在疯抢物资 我们也赶紧去超市吧 不然去晚了 什么都没了 就在二人准备动身时 我的微信弹出来一条消息 原来是我那还未来得及退出的物业群里 有人艾特了所有人 大家有人要物资没 我们准备采购点物资 有需要的群里扣个一 然后转账300块昆币助押金 一时间群里都是一 还有转账红包 这时苏珊也扣了个E 紧接着还发了个大大的红包 小哥你一定要帮人家多带点哦 因为人家刚满18岁 卧槽我们一家闲着没事便摸了副扑克 准备斗回地主 刀哥在旁边兴奋的绕来绕去的跑 炉火烧的很旺 整个房间都是暖洋洋的 老爸钉上的塑料布 真的顶冷气 一丝都钻不进来 这时我妈拿出收下来的向日葵头 让我直接原生态嗑瓜子 我爸煮好了热茶 而我则拿出了平板 放起音乐 一颗心扑通扑通的狂跳 搞错了再来 OK准备好一切 我们一家便开始了斗地主 叫地主抢地主 我抢我去上手了 是不是 我是地主 我先出一个三 不要你爹啊 一个三都不要 要不起吗 你要得起你出吗 四个圈 我的妈呀 他一个三 你直接炸 你不懂打牌的 要有气质气质 你懂吧 好嘛好嘛 你有气质 你来你来你来要不起 要不起 飞机王炸 要不起 你来一个四 四个十 不是一个四 你直接炸啊 老妈你不是说打牌要有气质吗 行一个四 刚才初三 你咋不出四啊 我想咋打就咋打 略略略行 兔崽子 你厉害 一个二 我炸嘿嘿 啥都不多 就炸弹多对四 不是你三个四拆着打啊 这叫气质 一对二报单不要四个勾 傻儿子 你炸我干嘛 咱俩一家的三倍 懂不懂 三要不起嗯 一个三爱我不知道三嘛 就是要不起啊 你牌给我看下 不是你咋不出对三啊 不是想让你走吗 这个就叫气质 一家人沉浸在欢声笑语中 丝毫没有外面是冰天雪地的感觉 而此时苏珊那边还在靠着之前买的零食填肚子 苦哈哈的等着物业给他们送物资 第二天我被手机震动声音叫醒 点开一看 发现是苏珊在群里疯狂艾特 之前说买物资的那个人 可是并没有回复 我不小心点开了那个人头像 顿时便笑了起来 这个人叫大驴 末日来临后 他靠着掌控着物业的大批物资 成了天灾时作威作福的小霸王 前世苏珊让我去他那求点食物回来 谁知道他有龙阳之好 我差点被拘 这一世他能听话 乖乖的把苏珊的物资吐出来才怪哈哈 关上手机 我拉上被子睡起了回笼觉 一觉睡到中午 刚想去拿根冰棒吃 提提精神 然后就闻到一股浓郁的肉香 原来是我妈炖的羊蝎子火锅 羊蝎子被炖的酱香浓郁 软烂脱骨 还有各类肉卷 蔬菜豆制品做配菜 我蘸着麻酱和韭花酱吃的不亦乐乎 这时我看到我妈的嘴唇捏如了几下 却犹犹豫豫没有开口 妈你想说点什么吗 我妈迟疑了片刻才说道 妈每次想起你说前世发生的一切 就难过的睡不着 那时候的你该有多痛呀 我爸也放下筷子 闷了一口酒 怪爸妈没能保护好你 这一世我们加倍补偿 你看着他们为我担忧 为我自责 我暗暗发誓 这一世我要照顾好二楼 同时我心中对苏珊的恨意也到达了顶峰 吃完饭 刚好手机拍了羊蝎子新鲜出炉时的照片 看了眼窗外的大雪 我把照片编辑成九宫格发到朋友圈 景苏珊可见 发完我便刷起了视频 不到10分钟 苏珊就弹起了视频 邀请我拒接 接着又是电话 刚接起来就是震耳欲聋的咆哮声 鸡坤你在哪里 为什么你还能吃上火锅 切你都让我滚了 还管我去哪里 你回乡下了 你回你爸妈家了 对不对 我拍了张修得完家里一角的照片发给他 你觉得这是我家那边的苏珊沉默了 两个月前 我刚带着他来过这里 如此焕然一新的装修 确实不像是那栋农村小土楼的样子 接着就听到他语气放软 坤坤我错了 我提出跟你离婚也是一时昏了头 我现在后悔了 告诉我你在哪里 我去找你好不好 你老婆实在太饿了 家里又饿又冷没了 你就是不行 你忍心我饿死吗 变脸如此之快 让我忍不住冷笑 苏珊 你还真是臭不要脸啊 你身边不是有你的小白脸吗 你让他给你弄吃的啊 坤坤你别误会啊 我和他只是朋友 且你说的话狗都不信 对不对 刀哥啊啊苏珊 我劝你好自为之 好好反省 挂断电话 点开监控 就看见苏珊踹了脚 旁边的小白脸 你一个大男人一点用没有 赶紧去找找家里有没有什么吃的 然后就看见他们到处翻东西 但是他们的零食似乎都吃完了 只剩下一堆堆的垃圾袋 最终只能咕咚咕咚的往肚子里灌水 喝吧喝吧 到时候纯净水都没了 你就知道你们现在是有多奢侈了 这时苏珊突然透到小白脸旁边 在她耳边嘀咕了几句 宝宝这样不好吗 有什么不好的 都快饿死了 我受不了了 你要是爱我就一块去 然后两个人鬼鬼祟祟的就出门了 你要是爱我就一块去 然后两个人鬼鬼祟祟的就出门了 小白脸鬼鬼祟祟的朝着一户人家走 观察了下附近确认没人后 朝苏珊招了招手 就选这家了吗 就他家了 他家门口这么多零食袋子 吃的肯定多 宝宝你等会哈 我来撬锁 说着便撬起了锁 里面的住户正在看着电影 这时here's johnny 我靠趁人不备 他们直接将人绑了起来 嘿嘿这小胖子家里吃的是真多啊 老娘饿了好几天了 赶紧再去找 找一个渣都别留 OK说完便继续去翻找吃的 如法炮制 他们又抢了几家 一两个小时后 监控画面中出现了他们的身影 快去把门锁好 OK这时我注意到他们拿着几大包的东西打开 里面是一袋袋的零食 应该是太饿了 他们一顿盲冲 细一看 他们都带着伤 嘴角还有血嗯看来是去抢劫了 看来我走了 前世的一些剧情也发生了改变 前世这个时候没东西吃 他们的选择是直接将晚饭吃掉 回想起那时的感觉依然会头疼欲裂 突然微信疯狂的弹出消息 他妈的畜生啊 老子在家看恐怖片呢 两人直接闯进我家 直接给我绑起来 还把老子吃的抢了 你这让我咋活啊 上景天凉了 我在拉屎 两个人闯进来 二话不说 直接给我绑起来 绑就绑 你倒是让我提个裤子 二弟冻住了 都我也被呛咯 一条接一条骂人的消息都是被抢人发的 然而并没有人应和吾暗叹一口气 这无疑是提醒了所有人心头的那个魔鬼 饥寒交迫之际 买不到物资 看不到未来 在随时可能命丧一线的情况下 仁义道德成了最不需要的东西 有人开了头 其他人就再也无需顾及雪 接连下了好几天 积雪已经达到了近2米 温度也降到了零下20度 虽然有妈妈美味的食物治愈 但时间也在枯燥的等待中变得漫长 就在这时 一声声敲门声打破了原本宁静的氛围 老鸡呀 开开门 来人不是别人 是我们蔡徐村的村长刁德一哟 家里这么暖和啊 不错不错 那个村长啊 你来我家有什么事吗 这是小鸡吗 长这么大了 上次见你 你才到我这里来 我来这也没有别的事 就是来争些吃的 大雪来了 村里都没囤吃的 大家都快没东西吃了 所以我合计了下 大家把家里的吃的都交到我家 我是村长 我来给大家统一调配 这样能保证大家都能活着 诶村长我理解大家的困境 但这些粮食是我家辛苦得来的 我不能轻易交出 况且我家的粮食可能只够我的家人糊口 做人嘛要大度一点吗 这个时候我们应当团结一心 共渡难关才对嘛 而且你家肯定有粮食 大雪来临前 我们都看见你家囤了许多吃的 不对呀 农村家里面都应该会囤不少粮食啊 而且雪停那两天 我看见大家都在收作物啊 就算是天天吃大米 也不会这么快就吃完了 毕竟雪也才下一个礼拜呀 我爸说的一点不错 这粮食确实不会这么快就被吃完 这时村长神色犹犹豫豫 支支吾吾的开口道呃 粮食吗 卖了呃 粮食吗 卖了那个前几天来了伙城里人 他们以十倍价格收收长头发嗯 专收长头发 他们以十倍价格收粮食 乡亲们就赶紧把地里的东西都收了 然后卖了 我们想着就是一场普通的大雪 把家里的存粮也一起卖了 我不知道该说些什么 千言万语汇成一句 接着我说道 村长实不相瞒 我家其实也没有粮食 那些说我家有粮食的都是谣言 之前雪不是停了吗 我们把屯的东西全卖了 想止点损 谁曾想大雪又来了 我爸看着我撒谎不脸红的样子 暗暗竖起了大拇指 依据我多年的经验看 这小鬼头应该在骗我 拜托我超勇的好不好 我叱咤蔡徐村这么多年 主打一手老奸巨猾 好吧 想骗我门都没有 看着他怀疑的眼神 我又说道 不信您来看 我领着他来到仓库 几天前我在看完苏珊那边监控后 我立马把家里储存的食物放进空间 不怕贼偷 就怕贼惦记 我准备都装进去 但是我爸却让留一些下来 您看就这点东西 我们自己家都够呛 实在是给不了 不对呀 他家不可能只有这点啊 我们只看见近没看见出啊 难道他家还有地窖切 你家就这点吃的 还以为有多少呢 既然你们给不起 那到时候调配就没你家的份 这就不劳您操心了 看他们这么平静 应该是藏粮食 嘿嘿应该还不少 得想个法子 让他们乖乖交出来 这事得从长计议 说完他抬脚便走了出去 村长走后 我爸意味深长的说道 我有预感他一定看出来什么了 以后家里面门窗要关好 有人敲门 咱也尽量别开 第二天温度骤降 温度也来到了零下50度 哪怕炉火烧的再旺 房间里也是冒着嗖嗖的冷气 暖和不过来 我们只能打开电热毯 穿着保暖内衣 加厚实的家居服 随时随地喝着热茶 才不至于那么难熬 紧接着另一个噩耗又来了 停电了 同时网络也都瘫痪 我们彻底与世隔绝 更没想到的是 安装的太阳能发电板并没有起到太大作用 因为哪怕发电板坡度再大 也被积雪淹没一半 加上天鹰的不见天日 捕捉的太阳光微乎其微 幸亏我爸早已备好五台大型的蓄电池 以及我充好的十多个大容量充电宝 才不至于立马陷入困境 所幸暖炉式颗粒取暖炉不需要电 本来想过晚上一家三口睡一间屋 可能会暖和点 可打地铺实在太冷了 根本躺不住 外加上我爸呼噜声太大 这才作罢 寒冷的日子让一家人兴致都不太高 扑克也被收到一旁 没人再想去玩 这时我看见我爸手里拿着两样布满灰尘的东西 细一看 一个是收音机 一个是望远镜 收音机调试半天 终于收到了信号 请各位群众不要担心 不要慌张 不要放弃 希望一定要积极自救 另外电路问题在积极维修中 物资也在逐步发放 有了外界的声音 我们的心逐渐落到了实处 日子也没有那么难熬了 我妈做了麻辣风味的烤肉干 我边嚼边翻看漫画书 嚼累了就来一口刚出锅的糯米粘豆包 吃下去黏糊糊 甜滋滋 这种感觉实在是太酷了 看的累了 拿出望远镜看看窗外的远处 虽然还是一片白茫茫 没有什么变化 但每次看心仿佛也跟着飞了出去 可没想到平静的生活在一个晚上被打破 凌晨两点正是睡得沉沉的时候 这时两道身影正鬼鬼祟祟的摸过 哎呀大哥快起来 不好意思 压到你了 你小点声 别把他们吵醒了 话说你这是什么造型 嘿嘿这不是第一次来偷东西吗 戴上这个更有体验感吗 怎么说话的 别造谣好吧 咱们是来摸清楚他家吃的藏哪了 怎么就叫偷呢 话说大哥 咱为啥帮这老头啊 他明面上是村长 暗地里可是蔡徐村老大 人称玉面蔡徐王 咱帮他办事 一是博个好感 二是咱们能顺手顺点好东西 他家就三个人 其中两个还没有战斗力 这不手拿把掐 还是大哥聪明啊 不像我只会哦嗯调嗯哦hey girl 你妈个头啊 哦有完没完啊 说正经的 你那边有能进去的地方吗 没有我这边窗子都锁起来了 而且那个窗户好像还改造过梆梆硬 哎呀破窗也不行 声音太大 会吵醒他们 这是最后一个窗户了 实在不行 就回去找个会开锁的 哎大哥开了开了 不错不错 今晚给你加鸡腿 好了好了 别乐了 快进去吧 话说这什么破天冻死了 难道世界末日是真的 嘿嘿大哥 咱真进来了 嘿他家还挺暖和 嘘小声点 赶紧去找 说完两个人便鬼鬼祟祟地向外摸去 我左边你右边 咱俩分头行动 找到地窖 咱们厕所会合 Ok 咦啊咦嘿嘿啊啊 舒服了舒服了 与此同时 另一边哇哇哦储物间嘿嘿 这里面藏吃的概率很大哦 哇哇哇哇 不是这么大的地方 就放这点吃的吗 而且这也不像有地窖的样子 这个老骗子算了 找个包把这些吃的都带走 这时一个熟悉的东西滚到他的脚边 哎这是嘛呀 拍起来还梆梆响嗯 卧槽我被突如其来的巨响吓醒 这时外面传来悉悉索索的翻找声 我意识到家里可能糟蹋了 还他妈睡呢 人都闯家里了 我不知道啊 快速走出卧室门 来到客厅 便看到一个人在翻找东西 我大喊一声 他似乎被吓了一跳 转头看向我 似乎发现只有我一个人 他轻蔑的笑了笑 看他小瞧我 我也不惯着他 直接扔出刀哥 刀哥使用咬碎 别过来哦 我会武功的 说完刀哥便冲上去与小偷扭打起来 扭打声将我爸我妈也吵醒了 我将情况简单的和我爸妈说了下 我爸是个暴脾气 二话不说便冲了上去 这是蝎子掌 这是劈山掌 龙卷风摧毁停车场 我去老爸这么猛的吗 那是你爸 当年可是蔡徐村争霸赛亚军磊 哎呦 这都多少年前的事了 嘿嘿就在我们说话的时候 小偷突然跳了起来 直接朝着厕所冲去 速度快到让我们都没反应过来 老邓你等着我一定会回来的 老二你人呢快走 说完他便一跃而下 接着掏出一个东西 老三还是你靠谱 我没上车 我没上车啊 哎哎我没上车啊 因为不知道他们是否有什么后手 所以并没有追出去 一段时间后一直没有动静 我便和我爸去找他们进来的地方 我们发现是厕所的窗户忘记上锁了 才让他们溜了进来 因为塑料布家里不够嗯 所以我们就把窗户锁上 然后我爸拿来木板将窗户封了起来 防止冷风吹进来 卧槽牛逼 回到卧室发现我妈在检查刀哥有没有受伤 妈刀哥有受伤吗 除了嘴角这块被划破了点皮 其他地方都没事 我看了一眼刀哥 他一点痛的样子都没有 还伸长舌头 咧着嘴笑 一脸骄傲自得 我忍俊不禁 摸摸狗头 喂给他一块肉干 今晚多亏了刀哥 他有事是真上啊哈哈 明天给你做顿好吃的犒劳犒劳你哟 这一夜我们都没咋睡 就在沙发上将就了一晚 天刚蒙蒙亮 我妈就起床给刀哥熬大骨汤 给她补补身子 我跟我爸则用望远镜谨慎地观察了一下 劫匪的来路以及方向 这两个贼应该是从那边来的 雪鸡到二楼了 他们很容易就能爬到这 正好这个窗户没有锁 他们就进来了 老爸我觉得这两个小偷和村长脱不开关系 首先他们进来什么都没拿 反而感觉有目的的在找什么 而且还是在村长来完家后才发生的事 这一切不可能这么巧吧 不过也没事 就算给他们找 他们也找不到什么 嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿 话虽如此 咱们也要做好防护措施 我爸眉头皱了半天 然后突然想到了什么 直接朝着仓库跑去 接着就看见我爸 从仓库找出30多个大型老鼠夹 这本来是用到果园里的 我爸之前怕它威力太大 夹到人就没用 现在正好派上了用场 我爸将他们围着房屋放进去 老爸你这确定能夹到吗 只要雪在下的厚度不超过人的身高就总能踩到 如果超过了也没关系 拿出来再放 就是嘿嘿 我看这次他们敢不敢再来 放完我们便去给我妈熬的骨头汤 就在这时 一个好消息终于来了 在我家 当我们正沉醉于骨头汤的美味时 屋内的灯光突然闪烁 随后整个房间被照亮 电来了 我爸反应最快 直接朝着我们喊道 快把蓄电池和充电宝都拿出来充电 说完我们全家立刻行动起来 不一会儿 所有的充电设备都已接好 看着设备重新充满电 我不由得感叹国家电网的强大与可能 我按下手机的开机键 美国有苹果 中国有菠萝 菠萝手机屏幕亮起 显示着熟悉的桌面 检查了一下网络 发现网络也已经恢复了 一停电的这段时间 监控录像一直在录制吗 原来是带有电池的监控 仍在录制着视频 并自动储存 在网络恢复的时候 又开始往我这边传输 我点开传输好的视频 跳着看了下 果然发现了一场好戏 就在几天前 兴许是食物又吃完了 苏珊和小白脸大吵了一架 并且动了手 不过我知道还是苏珊更厉害 因为我也领教过 有一说一竟是真的 我受够这样的日子了 你这个废物 我当初怎么会看上你 苏珊这些天你吃的都是我抢来的 你有什么资格说我 而且明明是我抢来的食物 你吃的比老子还多 还好意思说我废物 我没说你 你倒是好意思先说我me 你分手分手 你真以为我不知道 你和438号的老王勾搭上了 怎么这么迫不及待的踹开 我想去找他吗 也对 现在大家都防着我们了 抢不到东西 我的价值就没了呗 呵呵苏珊听完恼羞成怒 又和小白脸回打起来 然后便出门了 我打开监控 想看看他们现在什么情况 因为前段时间停电 小白脸那边的空调也成了摆设 她蜷缩在床上 上面盖着一层又一层的衣服 连夏天的半袖也搭在了上 像是人为堆砌的一座坟墓 他许久未动 就在我以为他拔掉的时候 他又缓缓伸出一只手 摸索着空调遥控器 还把手机给充上电 看到这一幕 我不禁一愣 他竟然还没嘎 我不禁好奇他是怎么活下来的 就在这时 他一口一口的往嘴里塞一团白色的东西 细一看是蚕丝 被子里面的蚕丝 他竟靠着蚕丝活到现在 但看他那奄奄一息的样子 离一嘎也不远了 想起前世他俩对我的所说所为 我的脑海突然闪现一个想法 我向小白脸打去视频电话 她拒绝一次 我就再打一次 在我这样一指拨打下 他终于接了 你干嘛 视频电话一接通 他看见我红光满面的样子 一愣哟 看你这样子 这段时间过得不好啊 你要是专门来笑话我的 那我就挂了别啊 我看你这样 你应该撑不了多久了 你看看你 我之前说过 苏珊不是个好人 你看他不但背叛我 现在又抛弃你了 你现在在这饿的都快要嘎了 而苏珊呢正在外面逍遥着呢 你想想你和他在一起都是你付出的 凭啥好处都让他占了 他中彩票一分钱没分 你还到处使唤你 现在你要嘎了 而他在吃香的 喝辣的 你甘心吗 说完我看见她的双眼面露凶光 逐渐变得星空 然后我就挂断了视频 就让这对恶人互相折磨去吧 前世我的惨死 小白脸也罪责难逃 他不仅抢我的衣物 联合苏珊打骂我 不给我吃雪后之半 妖 还连同苏珊逼我出门寻找物资 甚至要噶掉我 然后分食我的这个主人 也是他主动提出来 这一世我岂能由他逍遥自在 我又掉到监控画面 小白脸从衣物堆里钻出来 疯狂砸着周围的一切 从卧室拿到客厅 力气很快就消耗殆尽 他瘫倒在沙发上 发了会呆 这时他拿出手机拨打电话 不出意外 应该是拿给苏珊的 打一次被挂断一次 然后便见他拿着武器气势汹汹的出门了 嗯很快他就带着另一个人回来了 他强势的拽着苏珊 将她拽进家 把门一甩 就开始上前打骂 之前强势的苏珊现在完全被小白脸压制 我看了眼苏珊 几天不见 他比之前状态好了不少 小白脸似乎也看到了她过得不错 顿时叫骂忘恩负义的臭娘们儿 老子之前好吃好喝养着你 你出去享福不享 这老子竟然还真敢抛弃我 光想着自己活下去 你有想着我吗 我快要饿死了 苏珊什么时候被这么骂过 顿时怒怼道 怎么你自己没本事 还想着我和你一起挨饿 你别把自己想的太重要 老娘想随时踹掉 你就踹掉你说完小白脸就扑了上来 两人扭打起来 小白脸招招凶狠 但因为很长时间没吃到食物 很快便人一起被苏珊压制住 小白脸试图脱身 未免手便不断的摸索着身边能还击的东西 然后他摸到了斧头 那把钱是砸了我的 斧头举起朝苏珊脑袋上砸去 紧接着苏珊轰然倒地 小白脸起身又砍了几下 直到完全没了动静 然后他露出兴奋的表情 就像时极度饥饿的人 看到食物时的表情 后面的画面想必大家也能猜得到 看着地上一动不动的苏珊 我高兴吗 好像也没有难过吗 似乎也没有 可能不是自己亲手报的仇 会不快吧 但是我很感谢上天能给我一次重生的机会 让我报了仇 也让我能陪在家人身边 收拾好心情 出卧室 刚好赶上吃饭 我跟爸妈说了这个好消息 我爸也不说话 笑了笑就起身去哪 找自己私藏的好酒 我们一家人举起醇香浓厚的酒 酣畅碰杯 庆祝自己彻底重生 庆祝全家真正意义上的团圆 苏珊一噶 我就再没点开过监控 就像是从我的生活中彻底抹去了一个世界 我从而开始专注这场灾难的动向 距离天灾开始已经过去一个多月了 这场暴风雪丝毫没有减弱的趋势 各地饿死冻死的百姓不计其数 但政府一直在空投物资和食品 积极的抢修线路 哪怕不知道这场灾难有没有尽头 政府也一直没放弃过一丝希望 没放弃 人类在经常性断电断网的日子里 我们靠着收音机里的广播振奋着精神 挨过一日又一日 后面也有人来我家采波点都一无所获 有的还被之前的陷阱弄伤 之后便再没人打过我家的主意 就这样时间过了快一年 外面温度在一个多月前就达到了零下70度 雪早已覆盖掉房子 幸好房子被老爸改造过 所以并没有太大 每当雪覆盖太深 我们就会亲一下 不让他将房子彻底盖掉 然后风雪在一个寻常的夜晚悄无声息的停了 起初人们还害怕 这只是一个小小的暂停 但太阳开始露脸 驱散掉层层乌云 驱赶掉这场如噩梦一般的灾难 这场灾难带走了很多人 靠着政府每天的空投物资以及其他法子 还是有很多人活了下来 我和我爸装备齐全 开启了铲雪之旅 并报名了志愿者参加支援工作 等到社会缓慢恢复正常 人们的生活也回归正轨 我回了趟曾经的那一家 经历过灾难 小区里面萧条了很多 进入房间就看到遍地的一片狼藉 地上躺着一具干瘪的尸骨 是小白脸 我小心绕过 找到苏珊证件 然后去开了嘎的证件 还顺手提交给警察一份监控视频 是小白脸砸人的那段 最后我去了趟民政局 拿着死亡证明撤销了离婚申请 合理合法的继承了苏珊挥霍的 还剩7000多万的奖金 还完贷的款 处理完所有事 我又回到爸妈那边 他们笑着说 欢迎回家 呼吸 Thanks for watching And don't forget to subscribe for more Eight k ultra high resolution videos So the figures show improvement right There michael and again I'll go back You never call back every time Michael's in a meeting He makes me come in And give him A posted note Telling him Who's on the phone I did it once And he freaked out He loved it So much the thing is He doesn't get that many calls So he has me make them up Every ten minutes Yum tell him Mcalling back Are you can't have worked two hundred days there Oh no No no I don't have time for this Tell them I'm in a meeting Well you have to know how to work this There's no Excuse for this Yep I can get you a tutor If you need Oh ah This is a very important client But i have the most important client Sitting right in front of me my boss So i will call him back with customer services Obviously priority one You can take the call no money Isn't everything ryan And you're my friend And i don't want to be rude Like to call friend I refuse no my house My rules I insist I insist you take your work calls Okay All right pain Would you put the call through Hi buddy I don't know i just Oh i never felt welcome there You know That's such a boys club Yeah I hate that good So here's a deal um I am on my way to new york to be deposed As part of jaz's wrongful termination Lawsuit the company fired her for having the courage to augment Her boots And they displayed a pattern of disrespect And inappropriate behavior Yes Pattern pat hearn my friend Pat took a turn That's How i remember that could we pull over and put down the top My ui feel a little quizy I want it up my hair Well I remember it's not just a pattern It's a pattern of disrespect Uh huh and behaviors diray My friend Diray got new spects disrespect My friend In apro drives a prius with his behind neighbor Does this work for you Yep tell them How much you're gonna get if you Went up Come on michael That's tacky million dollars Four million Four million dollars That a lot of guacabully A lot of the green A lot of green that is Why i have memorized jan's answers And i've also thrown in some er's And oz just to make it seem like It's not memorized perfect crime Stop saying ridiculous things He's just gonna tell the truth The truth is is very You know complicated So we went over it Carefully And and just so that we wouldn't leave anything up to chance Or michael's judgment Could we please pull over and pull down the top I do nui told you I'm not putting them top down Oh rebuke all right fun Just a second pulled on Um hey Schneider real quick What do you call a load of lawyers Driving off the cliff a good start And i think it's buslow Yeah A bunch of rich lawyers Stuck the bus What'd you find this guy Hey There He is hey Michael Hey Jan I'm glad You hear actually need to talk to you for a second Can we talk off the record as friends I would love that jan Let's put the company in a very tough position here Now You've been with us for a long time over ten years right We just want to be sure that you Won't do anything to hurt us with your Testimony to understand absolutely Yeah I'll i'll do anything for the company Good That is great to hear It is Gang son all right Let's run it back The warehouse got a pink pong table Last week now Jim comes down and plays with darrell Sometimes i bring them Juice My boyfriend is twelve What has china skinny chicken legs and suxy ping pong hi Kelly Guess who's boyfriend It is i don't want to guess I'll give you a hint It's not my boyfriend I think it's a guy over here I don't talk trash I talk smack They're totally different trash Tag is a little hypothetical Like your mom is so fat you can eat the internet But smack talk is happening like Right now like you're ugly And i know it for a facts So i get the evidence right there Jim can i see you for a second Wow Okay It's not regulation size But it'll do you have to practice You have to get really good And beat darrell I can't be darrell Please Kelly's trash talking me Because darrell s beating you What seriously What she's saying your boyfriend is so weak Keennederais just to watch baseball Jim couldn't hit a ping pong ball If it was the size of the moon were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong So you're asking me to defend your honor Against killy sora Yes Bring me players Okay Oh no Hi Everyone Diane ellion The company's chief legal council Hi No No absolutely not What is he doing here Are you renewing your divorce vows before my deposition Miccolombia chi rap I'm on your side I never I want him gone I don't talk until he leaves just relax You know I don't think they're a ready for us now So okay All right one Mr sky do you square to tell the truth The whole truth and nothing But the truth yh mr scott Can you describe the circumstances of miss Leanon's termination Well It was not just a termination It was a pattern of disrespect And inappropriate behavior Oh very good Well Put people underestimate michael There are plenty of things that he is well Above average like ice skating He is a very good ice skater Hey Kevin Jim needs to see you about what He needs help balancing Some travel receipts Are you sure He wants me Because i have oscar balanced my travel receipts Yet no He asked for you Specifically He's in the conference room Oh awesome How long have you known the plinted I haven't actually seen it But i have seen the firm And i am planning and rented the pelican brief How long have you known ms levinson Six years and two months And you were directly under her The entire time That's what she said Excuse me That's what she said Miss levinson told you that she was your direct superior Well But why would she say that Can we just move on to another No wait i don't i don't understand whose Son record is saying this with without any Respect of in the middle of the line of questioning now Mr scott What did you say Miss lebinson said Regarding your employment status with respect to her Corporate position Come again That's what she said I don't know what you're talking If i may he he was just telling a joke before So can we move on to another question Are you sure uh Yes Can you go back to where this aggression began Mr schneider And you were directly under her The entire time Mr scott That's what she said Well Delivery is all wrong bushing it Yeah That's what i thought Didn't miss levinson Ever say Why she thought she was being fired She Thought it had to do with the twins That's what i call Can you be more specific Who are the twins um to be delicate they hang off my ladies Chest they make milk You don't need to go any further Her breasts Yes She thought it had something to do with her Recent breast enhancement surgery Yes And frankly The timing was nothing short of predominant What about your romantic relationship with miss levinson Could that have played a part in her termination Well If it did then The company is breaking its own rules Interesting How so because before we started dating We disclosed our relationship to hr And i have the proof right here Oh okay The company has just a few uclarifying questions Mr scott If that's okay with you I will allow it um Would you mind Please just to taking a quick Look at uh This photograph place That is uh un miss levenson in jamaica Is that correct And that photograph was taken more than two minutes prior to this Start of your relationship Does that ser mr got the timeline Here is actually very important Please when did your relationship Actually begin Well It depends on How you define begin I mean If it's from the first time We shook hands It's like six years ago From the first time We kissed it's like two years ago Wait Excuse me If it was from the first time We kiss sober It was like four months after that can we take a short break no uh Are you telling me that your relationship began two years ago And not in february as you previously testified to here Line I'm sorry What he asked for a line Like in applied Mr scott Do you realize You just contradicted yourself I did yes You did Can i go to the bathroom No I really have to have been drinking lots of water You went five minutes ago That wasn't to go to the bathroom That was to get out of a question You still have to answer It first Can i go to the bathroom No Good game Meredith Don't patronize me all right What is going on here Dwight Thank god You're here As it turns out one of our biggest Clients is a pingpong master And i have to play tomorrow Or we lose the account Can you help me out Will you help me practice The hell i told you All of my heroes are table Tennis players Zuron Premirage Yan Ovvivodinner Wang tao George Rush cough And of course Ashrav helme I even have a lifesize poster of hugo Hoyam on my wall And the first time i left pennsylvania was to go to the Hall of fame induction Ceremony of andre ruba Jan And i had an on again off again relationship for two years And i know this destroys Her case And i am sorry But i throw myself at the mercy of the deposition Thank you Mr scott That's all we needed to know Wait uh We'd like to enter into the record of page from Michael scot's personal journal Whoa whoa Whoa What are you doing with my diary This is plaintiffs Exhibit one o seven I quote from an entry Djanuary four of this past year Just got back from jamaica Tan almost everywhere Jan almost everywhere He he oh diary What a week I had sex with my boss I don't know if it's going to go anywhere Jan was very specific that This is not going anywhere that it was a one time mistake But we had sex six times So you tell me i am definitely feeling very eerie ii ii Sorry More tomorrow xo xo Michael It would appear that neither you Nor ms levinson considered you Had a relationship in any sense of the word is that correct We're gonna need to see a copy of that entire journal Before we peri Don't think anyone in this room Has a right to read My dire It's basic discovery We have a right to review it Okay Let's make ten copies of the stars um Could you make it eleven eleven sure And we'll break for lunch So everyone can have a look I sit here You know i uh I know a little bit about what you're going through it away Um i was a kid My parents got divorced They both want to custome And they both asked me to testify Against the other one in court So i don't know I didn't want him to get divorce in the first place You know i love them Both so much I just wanna How could you give up my diary Like that I had to i'm sorry But i need to win This We need to win this How'd you even find it You keep it under my side of the mattress I don't like lump I'm really upset about this All right I stole your diary and gave it to my lawyer You emailed a topless photo of me to everyone in our company Let's call it Even fine I love you I love you too Mr scott Who's this other woman Ryan Who you refer to hear as just as hot as jan But in a different way Not a woman Just a cool Great looking best friends Aren't we trying to determine Whether michael and jan were engaged in a romantic affair Not michael And this ryan person That's stupid all right All right This is the way I see it Yes I had sex with jam And yes I did consider jan to be my girlfriend However jan clearly did not consider me to be her boyfriend So her actions are completely rightful Okay Mr scott It's it's admirable the way You defend a woman Who is so obviously ambivalent about her Relationship with you Thank you very much She didn't have to say that Considering she Consistently Gave you Such poor performance review that was before our relationship She was going through a divorce And she was drinking a lot Okay of water Mr scott This is a copy of a particularly negative performance review Would you mind reading the data on that Please March seventeen And that would be a month after your relationship Became official as that correct Yes You may read the uh Highlighted portion out Loud If you'd like to I am out of carrots I am out of sticks Mr scott has time and again Proven himself to be an unmanageable employee And a poor branch manager I recommend he be removed from that position And reassigned to sales where He belongs mr scott After hearing that Wouldn't you say that Miss levinson's judgment is at least Very seriously flawed Mister scott How's it going well He has gone from completely Hopeless to simply miserable Take this out the spin serve Wow works like eighty percent of the time So nice So should i schedule the rematch with darrell Now Are you running I'll make the call Wait a minute Darrell is the client No no no He works here Dumb ass right How could you do that to me You can respond Just remember It's all going into the record Michael I'm not the enemy Okay Dunder mifflin is the enemy Dunder mifflin has always treated me with the umoss respect Loyalty They were going to give me your job And i should have taken it All wait before you go Any further Let me show you What kind of loyal Did they have Okay Lester Please read that part of wallace's deposition Starting in paragraph Six counsel Mr wallace Regarding Michael scott was he a contender to replace Jan levenson David wallace Yes thing i was number one contender I was being groomed counsel was your first choice David wallace Michael scott is a fine employee He who has been with the company Many years council was he in the top five of contenders David wallace What do you want me to say Come on He's a nice guy There were many people that i considered Counsel was he being seriously considered for the Corporate job David wallace I have one more question Mr scott Wouldn't you agree with miss levinson that the company Exhibits a pattern of disrespect toward Its employees Absolutely not Oh yes Way to go see that Yeah The floppy hair girl You did want to point nineteen Seven four Wow Nice baby Nice one Hey Hey you You I don't like your boyfriend Cause cause cause cause cause He's six of ping pong I'm sick of this Let's go you and me What Let's go Pick up a paddle Okay Bring it on I am I think you can analyin my sleep Okay While i for serve pe P o do you want to play on the table Upstairs Oh yes Michael f I am very sorry Wow Hey Oh baby Just no No No no no no This was rough We never meant for you to get caught in the middle of this I'm very sorry Hey david I think you're a nice guy too Thanks man Why did i do it I don't know Jan Said that it was Because of the photo that she revealed the diary But she already brought the diary with her to new york So you expect to get screwed by your company But you never expect to get screwed by a girlfriend What do you want to do for dinner How about chinese should really try to save some money It's someone cheap that was my cheap Suggestion chinese What's my chamber suggestion Fast food Fine Fast food Fine This is ridiculous Do you have any idea What time will get out of here Nobody likes to work Late least of all me Do you have plans tonight No i don't memory You tell us Not to make plans Because we are working Yes I remember Um this is vs this is bs Why are we here I am gonna call corporate Enough is enough I'm god I'm so mad This is Michael scott scanton Well We don't want to work No We don't it's not fair to these people These people are my friends And i care about them We're not gonna do it Everybody i just got off the horn with corporate and basically I told them Where they could stick their little Overtime assignment Go enjoy your friday Thank you Michael all right Right happy friday Well I think we don't have the bullet there You did I think we should celebrate How about you Pam meat costa Little dinner Dancing drinks You said you didn't have plans That's what you said Michael has asked pam and me to dinner at least nine times And every time We've been able to get out of it But i gotta give him credit He got me Because i'm starting to suspect that There was no assignment from corporate michael What time should i be arriving dwight It's couples only and besides only six wine glasses So it will be me and jan And ham And jim and angela And andy hell Does it bother me that i wasn't invited to Michael's dinner party Hi hello How are you come on in good to see chilly Nso glad We finally finally got to do this As you guys It's great Do you want to uh You wanna take their coats byes I would all right So what are you been doing Let's see Since i saw an arrogyeah I have been getting ready And then driving over here Well So we've been doing pretty much The same thing really except driving we这个we got you this Oh whoa Yeah Thank you So nice This will be great to cook with Really We'll have a seat or come on in Or i don't know make yourself to home This is our casa really nice So what do you guys think Should we do the tour first We have appetizers first tour Let's do the tour first Okay Uh you have preference Babe upstairs first Totally or call babe all right Well Let's go then I see upstairs Oh are you guys doing want construction Oh just redoing in the sliding glass door Yeah So sorry about this god Awful Carpet We are still a work in progress here Well That's this is my office Yep never been used not super exciting No And this is my workspace This is it check that out you smell it Aas You can smell There's a lot of different odors going on in here So you have an office Anna workspace I do you know I just i cannot create in the same space that i conduct business I'm sure that you're the same with your doodles 奇妙 It's fire bond fire bond Then love james Bond fire fire Bonn file Js bd file Michael car hui Get frustrated or irritated or angry I come up here And i just smell all my candles I just poof goes away Just like that So this is the master bedroom And these walls leads to be like white Like an asylum So i wanted it to be softer So i had it painted an egg shell White guess what white and excel white are exactly The same color ha ha exactly I thought you said that you were gonna tidy things up Well I on you ha ha ha h What a cute bench Thanks That's my bed jen has uh some space issues So i curl up on that puppy Really Because it seems pretty narrow and short It's actually a lot bigger than it seem look at this Ah see he fits perfectly Ha ha ha I finally broke down and bought myself A plasma tv check it out I actually hung this on the wall Myself It's good I want to show you something A lot of people in the room You need more space voila right into the wall Wow Sometimes i will just stand here and watch television for hours I love it I love this dv Oh and i also built this table What is that chesta no I think that is either pine or nor dic cherry It's pine Yeah Michael I'm just terrible at all this stuff So that's really cool Really Yeah He tried to set up My tivo for me But then i didn't have audio for a week Do you ever need any Help i am just a phone call away I bet you are Well I saw Oh you're dunddies I'm surprised or not out on the coffee table for everybody to see Well There was between the uh neon beer sign And the dundies So i said Honey keep the trophies Oh honey I have the best trophy right here aside from my dunddies Oh oh sorry Is just a second So glad We were finally able to do this No no Okay Tuna What's up tuna We have some tuna for dinner Ha ha ha bit You're sick ketuna Right private tuna Every night all right tuna These are for you Oh how fawful hearing that except for one flower Which is for my flower Oh what am I supposed to do with this ha ha well How about we do the short tour And then i'll start dinner Oh i can help starting dinner If you need it Oh no No Just the aa voco needs to brace for about three hours Everything else is done three hours from now Or three hours from earlier like four o'clock You know pam in spain They often don't even start eating until midnight when in roll You have a preference Upstairs first Whatever You say baby Follow me all right How about a toast di here's to good friends Cheers Emm And is sort of an okeke after birth em What was that soap music Should we turn some music that sounds good That do you guys remember my old assistant hunter He is an excellent songwriter we to hear this You took me by the hand One night You made everything alright So wrong All right Oh yeah So ross the ra Ride down You know what hunter was a terrible assistant That is why ryan fired Well I think he's probably just about as reliable As van Being that it usually takes you an afternoon to get back to me You know sometimes i think she holds on to faxes I don't care what they say about me I just want to eat Which i realize It's a lot to ask for at a dinner party Oh no It's a hump There's a hump Jocalla Yes Ok yes First name of that animal And the second name is the state where helena is the capital montana Joe Montana Yes Wow Why didn't you just say forty Nine quarterback All right mike My My turn my My My turn my my My My turn it Can you just like really wow You're saying what What can you just sume as so many people L yes I was watching jim's face Was watching jim And he was laughing no Look he's smiled Look at him He's laughing michael and jan seem to be playing their own Separate game And it's called Let's see how uncomfortable We can make our guests And they're both winning So i am going to make a run for it You'll never guess I just got a message from my landlord apparently My apartment flooded something like this sprinkler pam We should probably get going and see the damage Oh okay Well You don't need two of you to do that That's true um thinner sound of delicious pm See at home Thank you So much Oh jim I don't think you're going to a pandon This party here All by itself I don't know Because everything i own is there You can buy new stuff But you can't buy a new party That's true That is a great point come on down here Sit down on that couch be amongst friends And we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed All right hole You're up all right here We go This is gonna be fun Ready go all right First day is tom No No names No writing No sound likes to action Okay You're getting into my head First name is blank And he goes on a cruise He goes on a caribbean cruise I don't know kiddy holmes No b But he's married her her Oh doesn't creek No no That's to be a real person Jim come on Oh okay No no I'm gonna pass I'm gonna pass uh Oh okay Um rhymes with paralelled snoel rhyming That's not right Okay Another clue Okay He's the governor of california He is the terminator Those aren't helpful no time God Does anybody read the paper Oh thank you And welcome I'm so so sorry for the temperature in here The um sliding glass door Shattered stuff Okay It's actually really cute story Do you want to tell it Babe or should i tell it I don't like that story Baby come on It's a cute story Michael ran through the sliding gla Because he thought he heard the ice cream truck Stop it I mean i like ice cream Okay Doome Oh no Don't i shouldn't say that jokingly Because she will sue me She loves to sue She loves Lawsuits You know honey that door was extremely clean And it looked invisible You are So right You are so all right Because before i lived here The glass was always covered in smudges And then i moved in And i cleaned it So i guess that makes me the double Oh ha ha ha ha You are She is she is the devil I'm in hell I'm verning Help me you shouldn't joke about that is there more wine But i will get it I will get it What kind of host is would i be i i i no No No in fact You know what girls trip Angela come on girls Chunot Even close So we keep a very tidy house We should see our bathroom after michael takes a bath Oh ha ha But i don't have to tell you Pl But why oh don't tell me that He's really changed Since you guys dated Oh are are you joking michael Told me a little bit about it But i feel the way You look at him I have never ever dated Or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael Ever Not ever Not now Not then Not now Not ever Ever notice How you look at him at the office uh So i spend most of my time Right here have a hand So jim I noticed you checking out jazz candles Oh no She just put it in front of my face Yeah Did you know the candles are the number one Fastest growing product in the sense of roma market Two billion dollars year industry and for only ten thousand dollars You could become a comowner of serenity by jam What do you think about that thought about it I'm in I'm sorry Are you really trying to get us to invest in james company What's now coming hello What are you doing here We came here to dinner into party This is a dinner party Right awesome What is he doing here Yes What are you doing here Twight is my friend We weren't invited you Said that i could not invite dwight Because he was not part of a couple And because we didn't have a wine Glasses Brought glasses and a person fine Whatever you want just like always Whatever you want Whatever I want It's never Whatever I want it's fine When i wanted to see stop And you wanted to see wicked What did we see saw When i said that i wanted to have kids And you said that you wanted me to have a sectomy What did i do And then Oh when you said that You might want to have kids And i wasn't so sure who had the faceto reversed And then when you said you definitely Didn't want to have kids Who had to reverse back Step Stop stop stop stop stop I did you've no idea The physical toll the three versectomy is having a person And i bought this condo to fill with children I'm so sorry That i don't want to bring kids into this screwed up world Okay But look if you want to have cans then fine you win What's up a good Do you mean You want to be k So can we come in Emm hmm quite turkey li Okay Just gonna Check on Get it Angela would you like some of my beat salad I hate beat salad It's actually really good Hey I know you love beat salad I see you eat it Many times The thought of popping one of your beats into my mouth Makes me want to vomb it I hope she didn't do anything to the food Like like What i can't prove it But i think she might be trying to poisoning Hey Looks great baby Yeah It really does i know jam Didn't poison the food I know that But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table Wouldn't it be me michael's former lover Do you not do that it's disgusting You know i have soft teeth How could you say that oops Just give me for a second So how are you guys know each other I was just babysitter And now you guys are dating purely carnal That's all you need to know Would you write down your email Because i have just so many questions email All right here We go Oh okay Everybody enjoying their meal Hey babe Yeah How about we take the beer sign down until our guests leave And then we can discuss it No no I'm gonna leave it up I think it ties the whole room together Okay To me by the hand jen thinks hunter very talented You know what i don't think It's that good At least He's an artist Bf d I'm a screenwriter And i'm a camel maker But you don't hear me bring about it No all you do is you get me to try to work on My rich friends for it in fu swan opportunity Now I would love to burn your pandles You burn it You buy it Oh good I'll be your first vegetband You're hardly My first snot See sh I look down There is a two hundred dollar Plasma screen tv You just killed good luck Paying me back on your zero dollars year Salary plus Benefits paper that one night I'm gonna get going fine Get out of here It's getting late You know You know what you guys should be out of the bathroom too Of course Oh Oh get out of my way I'll take care of this Okay Uh What seems to be from m officers Not now The white gotta call about disturbance No no Nothing disturbing here Just a couple of friends Having an awesome Dinner party and neighbor Say They heard some shouting Oh yes There was screaming But um My girlfriend threw a dundday at my tv plasma Do you want the first charges Would she get into trouble Yeah She'd be charged I will take the fall I did it You know you don't have to press charges You could just try to be more quiet michael Yes Oh what are you doing to him Sir Do you have any other place You could stay maybe with one of your friends here Michael can come home with me Jim pam all my apartments on fire Flooded people come on You're sleeping with me No I'm gonna take you home Michael come on E all right bye Babe This is the best burger I've ever had babe Oh babe I should have told you But i did something elling bad h That's all this ha ha ha for you Maam h You took me by the hand Make me a man that one night One night You were here with being alright That one night One night You made everything alright So roso Right on not alright Oh yeah So ross Alright All not alright Oh yeah That one night One night You made everything alright That one night One night You made everything Wb jones is renovating their offices and their construction Crews are taking up some of the parking spaces We used to get So we end the park of satellite Parking lot over there Which just means we get to see more of our lovely street Tell them What we saw it today Jim Oh today We saw a junkyard dog Attacking the bones of a rotisserie Chicken nature I've been here nine years now All of a sudden I'm supposed to park Half a mile away I lost a penny out of my loopers Oscar I will quit as god Is my witness I will quit if this is not fixed some of us Like the walk More than others Oh it's like hell Did you pick a new chair It's been a while pm when i first opened this catalogue I thought i was just going to be picking out a chair But instead you found something to distract you forever Picking out a chair Michael started the process of selecting a new chair about three weeks ago And normally I wouldn't care But he promised me as old one It's way better It's one of these h I really want it Have you ever seen this woman Her the one in the really great mesh Black high back Swivel chair Look at her smile It's so eyes look at her eyes She's got I don't know what it is exactly She dresses like a professional And yet You know there is a sign of her that could just curl up on a couch Or in a great chair Oh yeah Maybe but remember after my dinner party When i said that i was swearing off women I definitely remember your dinner party I think what i meant was that i am completely Swearing off one woman I think that fate put this catalog in my hands Actually I put the catalog in your hand Because you have to pick out a new chair What is it like being single I like it I like starting each day with a sense of possibility And i'm optimistic Because every day i get a little more desperate and desperate Situations Yield the quickest results Ladies and gentlemen Would you please open your supply catalogs And kindly turn to page Eighty five Yo this is new chair No He hasn't picked one Yet d when pam gets Michael's old chair I get pam old chair Then i'll have two chairs Only one to go I am ready to start dating again Getting back on the market So fyi for those of you Who were thinking about fixing me Up with any of your friends Use the woman on page Eighty five as a template that will be all I left my cellphone in my car call us When you get there So we know you're okay Listen man I am completely over jam So would you set me up If i had somebody to set you up with michael Then I'd take her for myself I thought you were engaged nope Stacy broke up with me What god That's terrible man e She's crazy um Are you still in good terms with any of her friends Not anymore It's a bitter situation Yeah Oh she's You don't deserve her All right Ah little lost her meer wiener However i bet that you have a bunch of very liberal girl Type friends Who trust you implicitly Because they know you'd never touch Because of your condition um Michael What i have a friend Who's single Oh sandy She's gorgeous And she's got a feisty Personality too Feisty So she's not jolly or sassy Not like a jolly Sassy Opera singer No She's a professional softball player Who catch her or in field I don't know michael is she a dress wearer or a pants Wearer Could we share a roboat Could could a robot support her What are you asking I think i'm being very clear What i'm asking what an average size Rowboat support her Without capsizing It bothers me that you're not answering the question No all right no She can't fit in her robot Di knew it I knew it phyllis Okay What is wrong with these people I would do anything for them And they're just hanging me out to dry dating Shouldn't be hard for somebody like me But it is And you know Why because nobody here is willing to help me Nothing would ever get done in this office Without a formal request Would well Fine here goes I don't think now Okay I know that this is probably not appropriate But i need help Because i want to play ball with my kids Before i get too old And before that happens I need to get laid And before that happens I need to be in love And i don't want to hear I Don't know i can't help But no no No No no I'm a catch And i am not going to be the one Who got away So this is what we're going to Do do i just going to hand out index cards And i want you all to write down the name of an eligible Woman for me to date by the end of the day No by the end of the hour Or you are fired Right legibly people Because of the construction at wb jones Half of us Have to park in the satellite lot It's like a ten minute walk No dirty Well Look i am an assign parking place in front So all right All right All right um Let me try to think about What it would be like to not have one Okay Yes That would be bad Yes That would be bad Okay So nice Help us out Wish i could But i can't well Can But won't should maybe But short michael Please What part of short Don't you understand kevin Look I could probably handle it Yes But i think it would be a good exercise for you Guys to do it Yourselves We won't let you down Oh you can't because i don't care listen Don't forget to fill out those cards My love cards There's nobody I hate enough to write a name on this card Well I'm setting michael up with my fat friend Anyway He can just deal with it Who are you putting down Oh you don't know Where is it Your mom Yeah Whatever That's good That's too Okay Wendy hot and juicy redhead Give this a try Wendy Hello Wendy This is kevin's friend Michael This isn't wendy Oh i'm sorry Could you put her on Please dude this is a wendy's restaurant David kevin Okay Um Could i just have a frosty and baked potato Please you have to come to the restaurant to order food While send somebody to pick it up Just have it ready And it's ready now Well Put it aside Um Okay I have collected the rest of the ladies Good good Because this batch was awful Um um This one says Chair model I wrote that michael You shouldn't have to settle This is my pledge to you I will find her And i will bring her to you And as god is my witness She shall bear your fruit That sounds good Go get her wait Wait First go to wendy's get my food come back And they go That is fantastic Thank you Very much This is just what i needed the furniture company Gave me the name of the advertising agency They gave me the name of the photographer The photographer a spaniard used a wilkberry modeling agency The agency gave me the following information Deborah Shuchel Levski One forty two South windsor lane Dead car accident case Closed she's dead What she's so young She was so young And now she is dead as dead as every dead animal Who has ever died u Oh why don't you sit down Michael to come on Here we go Michael you didn't even know her try not to be So hurtful jim Jim lease not at every time like this Okay Michael You know what i might have someone for you Oh really What's your name Burger king No I mean it She's really nice and sweet And you guys might actually get a lot I don't i don't think i'm ready is she hot I'm setting michael up with my landlady She's really sweet And whatever I just can't take michael like this No question about it I am ready to get hurt again We need to assemble The five families No not for five family We have to the five families are The five companies of scranton business park The bosses rarely meet There's michael scott regional manager Dunder mifflin Bob vance Vance refrigeration Paul faust of disaster kits limited They call him cool guy Paul wb jones of wb jones Heating in air Grey day Badass and bill crests of cress tool And die bill css is super old and really mean prior I don't have time for their fight Now I'm trying to get a date with pam's hot friend She needs to meet me Right now I'm calling the meeting Anyway Thank you very much Our suspect has straight brown hair She is wearing blue jeans in a black top So Behold our bachelor rett Give her a ten for looks And a three for her Ability to describe herself Hello My lady Michael uh Are you Michael scott What's so michael What Oh I'm sorry I'm I'm supposed to be meeting Someone named Michael Oh that's not Yeah Michael Michael large hot chocolate with caramel and shot peppermin So you get the rent checks Every month and What happens next What You're asking me What i do with the checks that people write to me Just making conversation Why is it so hard to meet people I you know it's uh all I want is somebody Nice and sweet And someone I can talk to and share an experience with you know Why is it so hard for people like us I don't know You want to see what i walked out on This is going to blow your mind Look at that she's beautiful Yeah And you can't see your whole body down here She's a boob job Just she was just crazy smart and really manipulative And i don't know michael I'm gonna head out Oh okay Well um I enjoyed this conversation It was very nice It was like talking to the sweet old lady on the bus That's incredibly rude now You're really a good Where's scott Uh michael scott Could not make it today Due to an unforeseen prior engagement Let's just meet back in an hour gentlemen Please We called this meeting Andrew Bernard is the name of me And this is my associate Mikevin Malone have than all right What do you want well First of all I'd just like to say What an honor It is to be sitting here with you Gentlemen never about ten seconds We want our parking spaces back Who's parking spaces Wb jones is construction guys Parking art Parking spaces Every morning and some people have to park Really far away and walk all the way to the office And some people sweat too much for comfort And god I don't have time for this guys Just give them back their spaces Okay Be good Okay Could have done this email After stacy left things did not go well for a while And and it was hard to see It's just nice to win one Margaret the landlady Really pam is that What you think of me She's sweet and cute I thought you'd get along Oh okay Well I'm looking for a passionate Affair Not companionship I'm a man of intensity of of cool And youth And and passionately Margaret I know you just got yourself Kicked out of your apartment Ha ha ha Oh i don't care I don't really like that place that much Anyway I'll just move Oh really Who's gonna Take you in You're messy You're a clutts He's spill everything And you leave the volume on the tv way to have Yeah Maybe i'll just move in with my boyfriend Because he's kind of a slob too Okay here Let's do it ha no I um Well I'm not gonna I'm I'm not gonna Move in with anyone Unless I'm engaged Have i not proposed to yet um I don't Oh no Well That's coming Oh right Now No I can do it right here That would be rather lame Okay So then when pam I'm not gonna Tell you hate to break deep But that's not How that works Oh right Yeah Wait I'm serious It's happening Okay And when it happens It's going to kick your ass Easily So stay sharp I've been warned I am not kidding Kind of a week after we started dating I don't know man I was with jan for so long Somebody New put my heart out there Just You know what you need Closure all right What do you mean now There was a woman in your life Who affected you very deeply And she left before you could say goodbye I think you need to say goodbye Come on I'll drive We did it We got our spaces back Ha ha ha nice job Nice Yeah There it is you're welcome Ha ha did I do this for me No I did this for the little guy for joe six pack the guy Who wakes up Every morning is four hundred dollars A month apartment wonders How he's gonna pay his morriors that month wonders How he's gonna fill his car up with oil wonders How am i gonna pay my kids Orphanage bills that guy shouldn't have to wonder Where he's gonna park How did she die I guess you could say She died of blunt force Trauma Blood Loss She got a car Accident ploughed into the side of an airplane Hanger god She was so innocent She was stone Apparently You know i used to think that I had this perfect person out there Waiting for me But no I know that that's just silly Because she's dead What do you do And wait until next year's chair catalogue comes out And you find someone is still alive you move on Yeah Where do you want to go for dinner I don't know i kind of hate all our regular places Right now Oh you know what that one Hey mam Will you wait for me one second Why i di you I hate you What my shoe was untied What is your problem Oh my god Do you thought i was Oh oh oh How can i have thought that Bye bye Miss chair model lady I jumped that we were married And you treated me nice We had lots of kids Drinking Whiskey and rice Well Why'd you have to go off and die Oh you believe in rock and roll Can music Save your mortal soul And then kame after dance Real slow Oh well I know that you're in love with him Because i saw you dancing in the gym Think of turned off her shoes No no fit blows Return rip on my blue This will be the day that i die Ah nice order ha ha What's song Michael I could guin my hair You do this just stinks Don't touch it Please Don't touch it You get a ton of dandrea Okay Let me be How'd you get going in your head Was walking in And i noticed something Shiny understanley's car And i got under se What it was And i messed up my hair all for a stupid piece of tinfoil But best case Scenario You thought it was a quarter Kill me Right now We have peanut Butter in the kitchen I don't feel like peanut Butter Give me an ice cream Sandwich Oh not for you It's for your hair And it is nine I am No dwight not the good peanut Butter people are gonna get mad Hey This is my hair We're talking about It smells good Taste good too Oh doll That's disgusting wow A lot of calories Well Just don't leave it on too Long Keep massaging Please Oh yeah That's nice Hey michael How was your date Last night Uui will be honest The dating has not been going Well Look men are visual creatures We crave Beauty like a piece of fine art by Any number of renowned artists or an arti Photograph of cindy Crawford nude that But the way that i'm getting fixed up with r looks Not that they aren't nice Or that have great personalities They just they just lack a certain crawfordness I i'm livid absolutely Livid It's ridiculous Yes I'm having a scraand branch coming on one saturday So they can reenter sales that they made on the phone As sales made by the website Which they should have on the first place If the website had been working My favorite branch How's everybody doing Hey man You mind If i run something by love it go Well I kind of feel like what we have going for us Is our customer service and no matter How much we change this up I don't know that a website is gonna be able to Replace that I can tell you thought about this A lot I appreciate that Thanks david wallace Does too You told them all about this at the christmas party Right I you did Yeah Hm watch back jim I'm just kidding Ladies and gentlemen May i have your attention Please I know that a lot of you are very angry with ryan Because he is the reason we all have to come in tomorrow However I swear to god If any of you Hurts him in any way Emotionally or taunts him or makes fun of his height Or his half beard Okay He thanks much Yeah I'm here today to do some creative problem solving about dunder Mifflin infinity and field your questions Question dwight Why am I being forced to come tomorrow And pretend that a website made sales that i made This is a temporary measure to increase the Legitimacy of the site I don't like when my clients called me to help them use the website I'm not seeing commissions on that I hear you Stanley That is a great observation problems like that Will not happen when we launch dunder Mifflin infinity two point o when will that be tbd phylis Did the police sell the problem with Yes They did Yes They did yes The social networking feature of the dinner Mifflin infinity website was infiltrated by sexual predators I don't understand why our website needs to have Social networking at all Yeah I actually have to agree with dwell on that one It's all about creating a one Stop consumer experience All right You're chatting with your friends You're talking about the latest music about the election All of it is happening in our virtual paper store And then an older gentleman asks to boxers or briefs I don't get the big fuss here I like this site If i had created a website with as many problems I'd kill myself Do you a question kelly Yeah I have a lot of questions number one How dare you Ryan is doing a very good job And i am not applauding sarcastically Think about it A month ago Nobody would go on this site Because we're worried about Getting molested or losing our identity Having it stolen But now at a time t db all of these problems will be in the past You're doing good kid You're doing good Well It has been nice Seeing you again My friend You too Oh oh ryan I need a girlfriend So bad Michael Let me go Michael hall Right Do you know the girls in new york You might want to hook me up with That might be interested in the guy Like me No No simon Now you tried But seriously You should see if the girls I made a clubs in the city Yeah Unreal they sound great bye Everyone stay real screen All right peace Would you have sex with meredith What do you think she keep it quiet And i go to my desjm It's not the warning It's okay It's the loneliness That's i know Let's go to new york We'll go clubing with ryan I can't yes You kid your single I'm single It'll be awesome I'm not single Who are you dating pam That's still going on h Okay Twice grab yourself We're going to new york to party with ryan and to meet girls Yeah Oh yes Count me in dudes I am in serious need of some bro time Oh ball and chains been a lot more chain than ball Lately You know what i'm saying I'm right here No singles Only singles Only Also three is unlucky curse up three Sorry Andy cannot take any chances on curses not tonight Let's go everybody I will see you tomorrow Saturday morning Probably wearing the same clothes that I'm wearing right now If you catch my drift We get it I am going to go Get late Goodbye happen with sex That's i know that I think you know What if we all stayed a couple hours Late tonight Without michael distracting us We wouldn't have to come in at all tomorrow So i caught everyone before they left And i told them My idea and they loved it Because this is a group that respects good ideas The one time of year They hear one Ryan's assistant told us that He would be at this club This evening it is called perogative Place packed fire Hazard Packed with beautiful babies Swingers Classic John Fabrough Tall guy from dodge ball women Look like white slaves No they are just hot hotties Oh no man I mean When you think about a kao is really The third world I don't go to a place like that to see more poverty You know you go there and get some glamour He mike Hey What are you doing here Well You know just taking up on your offer to party So to da That is so awesome man All right And you brought this guy Yeah Oh Brian is Michael and white I know It's you guys Okay I'm so sick You're here Well Wow All right Let's get a drink Let's do it Thanks a lot guys Good job Everybody great work Did you not tell the security guard We were working late Nope I didn't But let's go inside And i can call him Right now We can't i lock the office from the inside When we left Perfect you Guys worked together on this one If i'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine In one hour You're both dead There is a master key and a spare key for the office Dwight has them both when i asked What if you died dwight How will we get into the office He said if i'm dead you Guys have been dead for weeks Guys I want you to me A really good friend of mine This is troy hey Nice to meet you How you doing hey Wait you resemble The token character Uh He basically is man He's a regular banking wizard No no No Not a wizard a hobbit bottle service Yle Oh okay All i know is i would like some chicken fingers and a maori sour We don't serve food here Oh okay Then just bring me two cups one with olives and another one Filled with margina cherries You live in a regular sized house Yeah He is a normal guy He's cool You really know How this phone number I told you I have the number that rings here Do you want that number Ui might have it in here Oh that's great toby It's so vanom that i had it toby You're the best when i put it in I thought it might be a waste of time But i guess it was worth great It's under here as security guard home Did you not get his name Or no It's ringing does anybody have his name Quite Yes It's eddie It's not It's not eddy It's uh It's evan ank His name is hank Oh guys His name is not hank It's uh is it egger Elliot Elliot is it out Hey Chief This is uh Jim helpert from um Where you work You are the guy Who sits behind the desk You're you're the the african African american guy I mean you're uh Oh i got here Wait man How shrefarms this guy Owns His own beat farm insane Well It's eavil season But we were prepared eavs What a crazy word man What i i even know what that means What does that mean they lay their eggs Inside the unripe beat roof and come springtime The babies eat their way out I'm crazy That's too much for me man I'm gonna hit the bathroom You've already been several times Yeah Maybe you have some kind of blader infection I don't know Maybe i'll order you some cranberry juice saka You're the best Do you have powers Oh thank you Hank you are a lifesaver Hank appreciate it all right So hank is going to come down here You know Let us all out He said it should be just under an hour So we did it We should all make sure to give him a big tip This christmas Sorry Guys But i don't think i tipped in for last year's And neither did i Jim was supposed to collect it Yep way to go man now He's never gonna come by show of hands Who thinks were a better couple than jim and pan Phyllis I am thought about getting a tattoo on my back As well At one point I was thinking about getting back to the future back Because it's on my back and future Because i'm the kind of guy Who likes to wop Ahead into the future I just think a tattoos should mean something You know And it's my second favorite movie I've never heard of that movie back to the future Oh wow Well You should take a ufilm education Course How old Are you forty I'm i'm in my forty Wow Ha That's so cool Yeah Well I'm gonna go back to my group now Oh okay Thanks for the dream You are welcome e This place is like a like a sexy preschool Did you want a place Where we can meet older women I would love a place where we could meet older girls hell Yeah I'll look it up Ai wow That's dangerous Just that two Excuse me Yeah How did you all find each other uh We're the jersey state Bassity Basketball team Northeast Regional champs Wow It's off It's not the dude I know it's some other loser or Won't let us sing with that chicks and was bell Okay Wait Wait you two uh jersey Steak girls Let's go We're not going unless We can all go Okay You know what fine Let's go two girls So guys come on Let's do it come on Ryan move out come Okay Three or four with him Let's go come on here We go That's no step on him Really hey Look what i found in the back Want to play teacher to throw I know how to throw a football Of course you did Yeah Pam hit me up move on There you go Please wait a minute What is this I didn't order this for you from them What are you doing man It's not safe Anything could have been in there Nice try I've never met anybody Who does that you watchdogs very cool That's one aspect to small pipe Grooming What do you do i am a bank Teller bryan Told me to always tell women You work in finance cool I think So yeah Yeah I have fun I'm just gonna use the powder room All right So i'll see you soon very perfect Oh This needs to be shared Oh wow Oh she washes dark You're doing it man I know i don't want to get ahead of myself But i think i wanted to meet my mom Hey man Do you ever think There's gonna be this massive nuclear Holocaust And after all the major nations are destroyed It will just be the tribes And the jungles that rise up and survive the jungle Warfare is gonna rule the world Yeah Maybe It's inevitable right e Please don't make up Please on ank say you Yeah Still haven't left the house Yet huh Getting ready to leave good Please hurry stop calling me So i can put on my damn socks We'll do I'll stop calling I am I am getting out there Well No I've asked a lot of girls to dance Mom They're just it's not What you do What's it mean for a second stop Yes My shake It back in my name Oh oh oh Oh my god Mom I gotta go one of my friends Is getting beat up by some girls It's kind of too bad We're not coming in to work tomorrow Why i bet michael had some elaborate theme Party Plans like scrambled eggs saturday I'm like everyone Laid saturday I have an announcement uh to make i I'm moving to costa rica Thought about it for a long time now And i'm finally gonna Do it So just to hop defense and jog home that Ah this girls really wiled on you Wouldn't let me dance Well Okay I gotta go Do not take him to a hospital Pretty weird You go Do you have to go with them I do i have to go You know i have to go Good luck against khan college All right call me I'm not gonna call i Don't want to go back in I know here we go Cleaning people oscar Okay So all you need to Do is explain to them What happened Because i think they can help us Why are you assuming They only speak spanish I just if they speak spanish Good evening We locked ourselves in No hamook No camos Okay It happens to speak spanish But he This is a one time thing You know that right wow This is it right This is where the magic happens Nice Very nice One of you can have the sophone and one of you I got the sofi Got so fun Dwight I got the smithe boss I got floor in case Anybody needs to go to the bathroom in the Middle of the night I don't want to get my head Stepped on Do you want me to sing you A song My mother used to sing me When we were sick No chlo Have a leave alone It's a lullaby Right right What do you take a clothes off No Guys I think my friend Troit might have a drug problem What do i do I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours Just stop here's What you do you tell him that yours friend And that you're going to help him And that everything's gonna be all right And then you put a wire on him Can you find out who sell them Drugs And then get that guy And you flip up tournament into a snitch You follow that guy Because the people were really really bad I'm watching the wire Recently I don't understand a word of it Guys I'm going to sleep If you can leave the light on If you want to Please stop talking Okay Goodnight Ryan Best i ever like i said It's not about the holiness It's about the loneliness And how can i be longing with my boys Like a famous person once said boys on the side But i don't i disagree isalet's hear it for the boys Listen up I need your ideas Now ideas Please right now Go go Come on Michael We don't know what you're talking about What's a man outside trying fast Come on This is a lifelong dream What do i write Michael You could put your initials in it Mgs No some mediate name Mark Gregg Spt nick Will claim credit for it I don't wasn't litime Opportunity people come on here We go here We go Well Let's yes When i was a little girl Okay Do it go on great Let's hear it We found some wet some minutes dry at our neighborhood And all right free Ka Come on No right Oh come on here it You You draw a picture No cause That's said that says So more than words No come on Give me something good I was watching e And i saw will smith that I'm a chinese theater And oh my god He looks so good They have translate She's talking about the hand Prints that celebrities make in the summit I love it If you're a real star You put your face in it I love it more michael That doesn't seem safe Hi I love it Ha ha come on Let's go ha ha ha You're here today not to immortalize a man But an idea maybe the idea of a man Hurry Please Greatness is only skin deep some people saying That's not true Other people believe It's danger from side in this case That's also and not true Go force it in as deep as you can 但是试试 Today is a very special day for me And it's really not about me It's about my grandkids It's about my great grandkids I can come back here when i'm a hundred And i can find that piece of cement And say That's me look kids Your daddy left that face hall I don't know It's a good feeling Okay Adjective um Tall No No uh Nice Good one Okay You ready uhh The tall man entered the nice building to visit a very nice man sit down Mr smith Could i interest you in any good cat food It's a man eating cat food What about a cat Eating man food Andy and angela seem very happy I hope nothing horrible Ever happens to them Yeah I slept over at a uh Friend's house And i forgot my contact solution So i don't wear my backup classes Shut up all right everybody Oh my god pam Those make you look So ugly um pam in order to get hotter You take glasses off You're moving in the wrong direction I don't have my got bs Only I can't even hear you It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist Um Everybody we're going to have a little of brainstorming session In the conference room Energize You know What it energize me If you Pamela morgan besy Don't don't tear if you proposed to me During the michael meeting I will say no Well Too late Because i'm proposing that you get me a couple of coffee Which would energize me Greatly make me not base me everybody So how are we going to energize our office I mean i haven't done anything Since christmas pam clearly has just given up trying So what we need to Do is we need to get things going We need to get percollighting a little bit Anybody have any ideas What we could do any suggestions Yes Andy What if we change our outgoing answering machine message So it just had a little more zig and a little more pep Zinging pep See that's those are the kind of words We're looking for yes Jim What about if We did an even newer voicemail message that had even more ziing pep now We're cooking I like this Maybe a whole theme like a rap A rap Rhyme Urban thing an urban Yeah Stanley You want to help us out with that stanley earth is stanley not me Yes Yo come on Stanley put your little game down And and join the group No stanley where did haven't libra brainstorm session Did i stutter Good this is good I'm going to grab A glass of water Can talk to you a second Oh what ui Really think that you need to address What happened with stanley This morning What are you blavering about nothing Happened Well You stanley was openly insubordinate that in the conference room Yeah We were joshing around the two of us And he said did i stutter And i said Woa woa Woa Dog was joking toby all right He didn't seem like he was joking Well You don't get it Because stanley is a beautiful Sassy powerful black man And you're you if you had any friends You would understand friends Joke with one Or not hey um You're poor Well Hey Your mama is dead That's what friends do It's you're so white alright Well Um If you really believe that stanley was joking um Why don't we go ask him now Okay I will i'm not feeling very well Right now Though my summ occurred So i may be going home early today But you know michaelso Sometimes My daughter's stomach hurts When there's a mean girl at school Well Sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office So it's probably psychological You meet a lot of ladies Driving in next terror Because you pull up to a stoplight and look over And there's an next terror next to you They're always driven by chicks So there's your icebreaker uscratch uh That's a racing stripe Uh Bumper sagging I doubt that very much This car is crap I will buy it for next to nothing How next to well Here are your options You can sell it for parts Drive it off a cliff You can donate it to a person That you'd like to see die in a car crash Or you can sell it to me And i'll use it as i wa wagon on my farm And will be towed by a donkey I have to pick one of those Yes Can you go over those options again You know what you knock fifteen hundred dollars off the price Right now And i will take it off your hands It's gotta be now What i see the beel Let's do it Let's do this thing three two one Five four Three two now now now say it do it Now Do it now Do it shake my hand You will sell me this car Shake My hand Yeah All right What i uh see that you gave me that form that I asked you to give me stanley The manly So thank you for that I guess we are back to normal What are you talking about well You know uh The thing that you said earlier that you didn't mean um And that i forgive you for the whole thing Silly isn't it friends don't need to apologize to friends As far as i'm concerned So we are cool I am not going to apologize to you It's like i used to tell my wife I do not apologize unless I think i'm wrong And if you don't like it You can leave And i say the same thing to my current wife And i'll say it to my next one too Jim is in charge of stanley Only in sales related matters Hence the green line green for money sales get it There is this yellow zigzag that does give ryan The authority to discipline stanley great However in so doing it Ziggs past your name Hence zagging you And making you appear Weak That's the yellow color Yellow for cowardly What's the pink menstrual cycles Okay Is there anybody up here Anybody at all they can deal with this Other than me Well There is the emergency disaster mode for the org chart This gives me full authority over every single person in the author said you All you have to do is say it I just say it Okay I'll think about it Say it Just do it Don't think say it Do it five four three two Do it give me control michael I promise to give authority back to you And this crisis is over do it Michael Do it hey This office needs A strong man Say it No so All right Well You gonna have to deal with this yourself U Hey bam I really like your classes Oh thanks All the girlfriends that I've ever had have warn classes Oh okay Yeah It's kind of a turn on for me Actually I should probably like librarians entering the Cause you just say these are two back Thursday No Dunder mile Mrs pm Okay Go ahead A lot of jazz Cats are blind But they can play the piano Like nobody's business I'd like to put the piano in front of pam Without her glasses And see what happens I'd also like to see her topus Mike very busy here man Darrell Hh Have you ever been in a gang It's an advice Question And if you don't want to talk about it I completely understand it's um No No no I know it's very very personal So Oh i know it Okay What are we talking about here Cript bloods Both god Yeah Them and elokings The warriors Okay Noses Okay So dig this You're on the street and one of your gang disses you Oh my goodness Yeah Right So what do you do to get them to make it right We'll see um in a gang world We use something called fluffy fingers What is it That's why somebody really gets in your face You know you just start tickling them Really Yeah Then he starts tickling you It'll pretty Soon you laughing and hugin before you know it If forgotten the whole thing I could just go to church together Get ice cream cone I would have never thought that Gangs would be tickling each other Oh it's effective I think itself explanatory Hey Jim come here for a second Can you answer me something as as a true eagles span Oh boy How do you live with the franchise This bad on a wing in a prayer Mostly hall right Whatever you say uh listen While i have you here with toby I need to give you A formal warning about your job Performance A formal warning Hit's actually not a joke I know how you spend your time here And i know how little You care about your job and honestly If you spend as much time Selling as you Do goofing around with to white and hanging out a reception We wouldn't be having this conversation Uh I'm sorry Is is this Because i talked to wallace about your website Because i really didn't mean to go over your head This is nothing to do with that all right I always appreciate constructive Criticism about my job Performance I thrive on it I'm sorry Then do you mine explaining you A little better Because i'm not sure what's really Oh don't get all defensive all right It's just a warning Do you want the details toby Can provide you Take it Easier right That's how the goofing around at pa's desk And and hanging out with pam was finally caught up to you Pick with pam Hey What happened What did ryan want Oh we were just talking about bureaucratic stuff Because you're very important Roca dupda du bow Suck a ddo Oh what's dried up to Oh probably Nothing rockedu Du du du du du du shut up The hell is this All about You're flipping my car for profit It's my car Now I gave you a deal based on What you said to me Yeah Well Seller beware now If you'll excuse me I've got a monitor A three way Bidding war from my car on ebay I've got a mad lib for you A stupid Num skull Named annie Bernard Sold his ex tera to a smart and capable man named to white This is shaping up to be an awesome day for dwight Okay Everybody shi set up earlier today Stanley sassed me And toby gave me some suggestions on How to discipline him They did not work obviously Because they were stupid So i am now going to fake fire him What does that mean It's like a mock execution That's not a good idea Yes It is a good idea It's the only possible solution I have left Well You can actually fire him No Okay I've had enough of you Why are you telling us this Because i want you to behave as if I'm actually firing him oscar Okay Michael If you hadn't told us this then We would have thought that you were actually firing I'm not firing him I'm not i need you to act like i am firing him Just what i'm going to do So i'm going to pretend that i'm firing him And i need you to act Like i am firing him Do you get that Do you get it I'm teaching him A lesson He needs to learn humility All right That's all I'm okay Here He comes Let's just player Slee May i talk to you for a second Stanley hudson You are fired Are you serious I am serious We are all serious You are fired like a heart Attack You firing me over three words Have you lost your mind Do you think I'm gonna Let you do this to me I've watched you screw up this office for ten years And i'm filin a lawsuit And i'm gonna tell them about every stupid thing You've ever done up in this office All right Okay You know what now you know How i feel this was a fake Firing lesson learned good work Everybody very nice So i'm not fired that's it And uh do you have anything to say to me Oh yes I do you are out of your damn Little peace sized mind What is wrong with you Do you have any sense at all Do you have any idea How to run an office Every day You do something stupider than you did the day before And i think there's no possible weight He can top that But what do you do you find a way Damn it to top it You are professional idiot Hey Stop it Okay Everybody Yeah Everybody except stanley Let's go I can't put my glasses Okay You know what Why don't you take my hand and leave them And let's get out of here Okay Ho ho ho It michael versus stanley And it is the clash of the titans in one corner You have michael And he is mad And then in the other corner You have stanley And he's mad So that's about it I don't understand Why you keep picking on me Just do And i don't know Why so please help me understand fine here It is you are a person I do not respect the things You say your actions Your methods and style Everything You would do I would do it The opposite way Well Stanley Maybe you are feeling that You don't respect me Because you don't know me Very well Michael I've known you a very long time And the more I've gotten to know you The less I've come to respect to you Any other theories All right You don't respect me I accept that But listen to me You can't talk to me that way in this office Can't allow it fair enough I am a good person And sometimes good people Don't get no respect Rodney Dangerfield Hey I don't get no respect No respect at all When i was in the sandbox as a kid I got no respect my wife likes to talk after sex So she called me from a hotel room Said I don't respect you Ah you know it Don't get no respect airplane food Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food My wife don't get no respect Some take car Please for example If you don't get no respect You might be renick Respect is nice What's the deal with grape nuts No grapes No nuts I don't get no respect So i'm thinking as a reward for our Loyal clients that we contact their assistance And we find out where they live And then we go to their houses in the middle of the summer And go caroline It is a summer Christmas celebration And we call it a summer sales a lot feedback Anybody Stanley has potential to be your best idea Yet It's the dumbest thing I ever heard damn phillis All right everybody out Except phylis Hey you ready Yeah I'm headed over to the job Fair at valley view High school to find some new interns I get some fresh blood um Euthanize this place Hey We doing this thing Yeah Oh my god Darrell You look like barack obama Everybody of ddy Barack obama Why are you dressed like that like What like You're applying for allo Maybe it's going to church or court figured out Look presentable Yeah You win a different way I think it looks nice Thank you Okay Here's what we're going to Do i am going to instruct the kids about management and sales Oscar will be in charge of accounting Pam will be eye candy No And also because that is your all the matter Uh darrell will hire some kids to the warehouse We don't have to worry about internships with them Because they definitely Ain't going to color What collins did you go to mike Let's go Today i am eting a potential client on the golf course Because ryan put me on probation You remember ryan He was the tempire Yeah And it is not a good time for me to lose my job Since i have some pretty big long term plans My personal life with pam that I'd like her parents to be psyked about So i am about to do something Very bold this job that i've never done before try Oh it's maguire It's been a couple of years Hehey jim How are you nice to see you man Oh no No Ha ha ha ha Oh no No no My grandfather would be spinning in his earn If he knew that i was out here with a dartmouth boy You take that shirt off Right now Or i will take it off for you sir I am totally and completely kidding ha ha ha ha And bernard cornell Ninety five The maguire dark with seventy four Got some bliss These Yeah You do hit about twelve hundred balls Last night in preparation for today So hands are a eval tinder ha ha It's actually not funny at all It's incredibly painful He'll be interesting See uh ten bucks a whole Okay What are we talking skins ac juicy Bingo Bango Bongo Sandy Barkies Arnees wolf What i'm gonna Take this petty cash that i got from oscar And turn it into next month's rent So many memories in this old gym pretending have pms So i didn't have to play volleyball Pretending have pms So i didn't have to play basketball That was were the days A little over the top Don't you think showing what you brown miu That's all We brought This is all We need We'll see Yes We will see oscar We will see Because it blank sheet of paper Equals Endless possibilities Conceptual All right We are open for business Andy You're up Let's go Get it up Let's do this people assume I'm great at golf But like everybody I hated golf lessons When i was a kid So used to just hang out with the sailing club Instead I got my noon Guys do we have to stay all day I mean michael's gone Can't we just go Yeah And i finished my work months ago Hexcuse me people It has come to my attention that some of you have forgotten Who is in charge here When michael is gone Jim is in charge When jim is gone andy And i are in charge When andy is gone you answer to me Okay Excuse me Where do you think you're going Oh no No No no You are not leaving No stanley Do not walk out that door If you walk out that door So help me I will He left last time I checked the american workday ends at five p m You will all stay at your desks Until that time Or you will suffer the consequences What consequences i will tell on you There's some filing restocking in the supply Shelves replacing the water jug Which nobody likes to do um We uh eat a lot of cake Aha ha Yeah And you know you basically you learn How an office runs Hello So hi Can i talk to you for sir Excuse me This is michael My boss Yeah Justin hey Um remember what we talked about the car The way out Only the best and the brightest He's nice And he seems interested He's totally wrong Yeah Hey How you doing listen I don't think that a handsome funny Smart funny Looking kid like you should limit himself You can do Whatever You want to do you could be a classy Janitor or a cashier with dignity or a migraine worker Maybe for you paper should be more of a hobby Sorry For wasting a time Oh no Problem auntisigned he put his name on a Please Okay That was supposed to be a blank Canvas on which to put their hopes and dreams And he just made it into a stupid Piece of paper We need another one Immediately Yeah They brought the one Are you mental michael Do you remember you Specifically told me to only bring one sheet of paper You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference And i said Are you sure michael And you said pam pam pam And then you sneezed my tea And then you said Don't worry It's just allergies do you remember that uh I don't Okay I'll go look for another one And that is Why i need a smart intern Hey So uh How's the direct mail business going I can't complain people love your junk mail Now Are you getting all your paper from pvc Or you know what jim I'm not really looking to change things up Right now I just came out here to get out of the office A little bit So why don't we just play Okay Absolutely We'll do So i guess i'll just work on my short game Hello There What is this company Well It's funny that you should ask Because it's really more than a company Dunder mifflin paper Thanks it Okay Damn it Oscar Yeah I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth But uh uh kids are very wary of being lured these days Thank you Date line Thank you Extension one two eight Hi you Pumpkin is creed So we're gonna dance Its bits you in No Are you out Pumpkins out Let's go gang My old art room Oh maybe It's still here No no They must have taken it down No mind What do you want michael I know you're swamped I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left Except for angela And i do not worry Though i have taken down their names And i have docked them a personal day Who cares I'm not there Jim's not there Why should they have to be there So what else is that Mike Thank you Well What is this piece of paper This isn't under mifflin paper Some sort of pedalling craft Well I think they'll get the spirit of it Pm pm pm Pm pm pm pm We're dying here I want you to go back to the office I want you to get the real stuff I want you to get ultra white card stock Are you serious Yes And don't call me shirley Huh ah damn it u Well You could just pick it up Take the triple bogie Yeah I don't get it out Thank you Y Yeah h Ah come on tuna Hey Can't really talk now What's up Just checking in How's it going uh You know We'll see Round trip back to the office to get michael a single sheet of white paper So i could've just had some facts it to me I guess Oh i like you talk you later Yeah All right bye All right I'm sorry I gotten knowing you one more time What if i bring down shipping costs You can try But i've looked at your prices Even with free shipping Doesn't work It's just it's not in the stars Jim Um six Yeah All right Race to the next hole Oh winner Gets ten bucks Wait Wait for me And shortcut Shortcut I fell in the sand trap All of these jobs suck I would rather live jobless on a beach Somewhere off the money from a large inheritance Than i have to work in any one of these crap holes They suck Hey game over Just in time I just stin case What's your last name Paul smack This Justin Paulsnick Woha ha Justin is the ugly girl in the movie Who takes off her glasses And she's hot And you realized that she was always hot She was just wearing glasses And that you were the blind one He's the most important thing in my life Right now I want you to meet my family Come on Oscar Martinez Accounting extraordinary This is justin Hey Hi This is daryl fillman did he big And you already met her and besiley office Hotty She will do you ha ha ha no no But she has already dated two guys in the office that we know of So this could be number three You know I would never say this to her face But she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist Why why wouldn't you say that to her face So what do you think think these guys are nice guys that Didn't bring her Even better justin I'm willing to commit Right now Would you do me the honor spending the summer with us Got the rough one I think i think you were very special You didn't want me before That's what you said no I didn't you were you were kind of a Jerk to me I am And i'm i'm gonna go now Why don't hey Bless you Thank you Okay Jim you owe me one Twenty and phil you owe me two thirty Let's open a tab Because you and me are gonna be playing more Often count me in nope all right Okay You had some fun And uh think i paid for it So let me just get my last shot in there is there anything You can do for me See what my fiscal year Ends in two months Let's talk then feel good absolutely You playing with you Guys on You know it's a tough thing seeing a grown man Takes six shots to get out of the sand trap But i had to give phil credit for not quitting Which is what i told them I also told him that I don't quit either And i'd call him Every single day until he gave me his business Which he then did after fifteen minutes of me Blocking his car So i am now his paper supplier And i shot a one or two today So i'm feeling pretty good The job Fair will be closing in five minutes Eighth period will commence as scheduled Hold down the fort i have to do something Excuse me If you can hear me I would like you to look around at all these companies And no that none of them are good enough for you Agh in our block Come on man Don't even know what they do Frank regan funeral home too much from alto Hide the air force Air force is cool the refreshments Bush league You know that's not What you want Dunder that Okay I see security is coming So i just want to say Come to dunder mifflin Dunder mifflin a great place to work Anybody Show hands Anybody want to enter n a dunder mifflin We do not offer college credit We cannot give you Any sort of pay But it is really fun work environment Anybody show up hands Damn it Okay I'm gonna wrap it up here Thank you for your time and drive safe Thank you You're welcome But hey You realize You were taking us out heuh I can't beers you closed it I closed it Yes Oh Um congratulations to you Thank you Oh thank you Very much Appreciate it Well Done Thank you You know what just screw this Oh oh bw Wow Wait Wait today I did something stupid I questioned myself And i will never do that again Because i look at somebody like jim helpert And i think that guy could do anything He wants to do He could do anything And he chooses to work Here Selling paper Just like me Yeah Kiss her Good Hi Hello I was just wondering what kind of jobs Do you guys have Are you interested in graphic design Yeah Um can i fill out an application Oh absolutely here Take a seat I should let you know right away This is just an entry level job As it's really basic We're looking for like a self starter uh Someone who can meet deadlines and just pretty much Just go the extra mile I guess i can do that great and obviously willing Looking for someone Who knows photoshop and dream Weaver uh Correl Painter Illustrator after effects All the basics I don't know any of those It's actually not super complicated I mean I'm sure There's some sort of like adult education Classes in the area But if you're really serious about graphic design One thing about new york or philadelphia They got amazing programs out there for design New york Philadelphia Yes All right cool Well Thanks And i'll i'll look into those You should new york Philadelphia Absolutely Okay Thanks Hello This is the white fruit Hello This is the white Hello Yes We do have that hold on one second to jim What are you doing And how many would you like uh uh hang that absolutely I can get that out to you Immediately This man is an impostor Do not do business with him This is not white trude dwight left his cellphone on his desk So naturally I paired it to my headset Okay Fine I'll just let a good voicemail Well that is dwhite Hey Is this dwight Yes It is Oh my goodness You sound sexy Oh thank you I've been working out Whoa Whoa pam pam You are not talking to dwight Right now You're talking to gym Dwight pm I'm over here I'm confused disconnect that right now You give me your ear piece Can't do that I'm sana tery Ah Okay You know what fine I will reprogram My phone to go to my office phone This is the white Oh and i forged his dest phone to mine Oh hello Mutter Good news I've married tell otter Such a nice woman Today is toby fenderson's last day I couldn't sleep last night I came in extra early So much energy There are certain days that you know you will remember for the Rest of your life And i just have a feeling that today is one of those eggs It's here We go just a matter of hours Now until his horrible ess has left The building going to set My watch alarm and Morning talent I can't believe this is your last day How do you feel fine good I feel weird First thing on the agenda Actually The only thing on the agenda is he status of toby Is going and weight party We have a butter cream cake and a slideshow of toby Okay But so far we only have two pictures of hash Okay Well This will not do toby is going away forever And and we need to do something Very very special in some cultures When somebody leaves like new orleans culture They have a parade And they have a band and people party in the streets Do you mean leaves as and dies You want us to throw toby a new orleans funeral If the devil were to explode And evil were gone forever What sort of party Would you have michael like a beach blow out or toe you know No god You always do this We have a nice modest party plan And then you come in and demand the world Let me be clear There is simply no money for anything Other than a cake and to develop a few more slides Although toby Won't be in them I thought that you might say that Every year My sweet sweet grandmother Sends me A check on my birthday for fifty dollars And lately She has been sending me Like nine Or ten checks a year uas nana starts to But i knew i should be saving it for something I just didn't know what i should be saving it for And then i had an awakening michael My motorcycle So i put the money in my shoe And then i forgot about it Until now I want a party that makes me Feel like i am flying through the air without this ugly weight Holding me down You know I want an antigravity machine I saw it in a movie You drink a potion And then you just start floating all around So how much antigravity potion Do you want no No You know what this is not a party Planning committee anymore And i don't want your foot money And i feel uncomfortable Participating phyllis Can you do this Hi Can i help you hi Yes I'm holly flax I was told to ask for mr fenderson Part of my last day I'm training the new human resources Rep in the ways of the company again The company has a lotted for this training one day So this is c hr Your desk I love the view Yeah That's great isn't it Well guess he just got into the prat school of design No way What did i say I said that they love Those sketches You got to leaoh Thank you I don't know why i doubted it Because i'm so clearly awesome Yes So when you start I don't know i didn't read it Carefully I just saw congratulations And i skimmed the list I saw my name I came in here to Tell you and get a snack wow This morning So you know it means i have to go to new york for three months It's not a big deal Welcome visit you And you'll visit me It's only two hours away We'll be fine that Part's gonna suck But it'll be great Yeah It sucks But it'll be great see How easy that is I wouldn't go if things Weren't so solid with jim and down the road We have a family I couldn't go then either So the time makes perfect And that is the first time I've ever used the word perfect in here Stletoby is replacement wow So what do we know about her Well We know that toby thinks She'll be great No strike one I hate her already I hate her too Why do you hate her Because she stinks with her Waves in her head No tight Sometimes i don't know I think you say things just to agree with me Would that be such a bad thing Yeah It would just have a thought have an original thought Although i will agree that her head is weird You know we need to do We need to sell her an elevator press But our our elevator doesn't require pet Exactly little low fashion Hazing hi Are there any local companies that rent antigravity machines Anti gravity machines That's right Yeah What do they do exactly They make you feel lighter Antigravity um Antidepressant I could put you through to someone on that Okay Yeah Hey Michael Oh hey Do you still work here I'd like to introduce you to my replacement man Come on now I think i will pass michael scott This is holly Hi hi Yeah Right Okay Well They hired a female toby good for the world Thank you God for creating two of you Here's how things work here My job is make the office fun Your job is make the office lame And we have an eternal struggle you And i and only one of us Can be the winner Spoiler alert I'm gonna win Man someone doesn't like hr Yeah What did you do doing Nothing no He tortured me with his awfulness Yeah I know what you mean and nearly fell asleep When he gave me a tour of the files Um well Look i'll let you get back to work But i i really look forward to working with you in this viscott mm You know pmichael Thanks to toby I have a very strong prejudice Against human resources I believe that the department is a Breeding ground for monsters What i fail to consider Though is that not all monsters are bad Like a t It's holly our extraterrestrial Maybe or maybe She's just awesome worn from this planet The pleasure is all mine Oh thanks I'm really looking forward to sitting down with you And finding out more about What you do here anytime What do you do here Excuse me What is wrong with this woman She's asking about stuff That's nobody's business What do i do Really What do i do here You should have written it down Crow something u No no no no no But i'm getting close Have you been introduced to kevin No Which one's kevin He's here on a special work program He's slow You know in his brain Oh good for you guys Yeah Hazing Is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome Or liked accounting department Listen up holly human resources Angela oscar and kevin Hello Hi hi What do you do I do the numbers Oh good for you Do you want emm Oh no That is so sweet Thank you Though Yeah I keep them here at my desk So that everybody doesn't take them Well That is a very safe place for them Yeah She is holly You know if we hung holly from the ceiling We'd have to kiss underneath of her So i know Oh sorry Question are you real Or are you a holly Graham Uh ha ha ha nice I've never heard that one before actually That's good like that are these guys boring your ear So no no I uh What um What is your community like How long does it take to get in Oh you know I should make you a mix Do you have a uh cd player um Yeah Go ahead Thanks great Do you like it It's a photo of everyone in the office So you can take it to costa rica You're not in it Well I was taking the picture I love it I will and love ua picture of the two of us So also take three costa Sure Do you have a camera here N uh Does anyone have a camera here No one has a camera Here um Okay I'm gonna Get one Let's st So i just got the facts Closing the sale And it's big It is really big Congratulations Don't interrust congratulations On doing your job Did you enter the salon the website No I didn't i just logged it in all Right try to be a team player here Jim log it in the website All right Well It already went through Don't worry about that just relog it Oh hack up your skirt A little more ejm world to me I am downloading some n three p music for a cd Mixtape for holly And i'm looking for perfect songs that work on two levels What are the two levels The two levels being uh Welcome to screen And i love you Oh let's start at the I love you level Hey What's the group that was from grand And made it Big Is that you too Yes You don't love holly I think i do But you just matter Well So up at first sight Actually It was no was when i heard her voice Love at first See with my ears Oh okay It doesn't work like that well Not a romantic actually I think i am And i have a little bit of experience in office romance Oh really Yeah Like with who We've been through this pam Yes We are still dating and guess what i took it slow Yeah You took it too slow What we're really happy This thing with holly fields A lot like love to me And that's really sweet And you can think that But you don't say that out loub And you definitely Don't say it to her I don't want her to get away I know here michael You can court Her as you get to know her You know i mean the office is a great place for that pam And i we got to know each other Right out there I mean First time we joked around was at my desk And the first meal We ever had was in the breakroom Actually We're at two separate tables And i remember that first time we kissed even was right outside And look all I'm saying is that you can get to know someone Really really Well Like i did right here at work I was thinking fireworks on the party What do you think Oh boy I appreciate your help But i can't i know I just met i wanted to pay to have fireworks at the party Why would you do that Because i'm gonna miss toby yep He's it like of a guy And i think we should send them off Right Doesn't matter You know Really Oh we all Want a good party Right I'm going to propose tonight Holy crap Hey Kevin Hi Do you need some help I can't decide what to get Well What do you like to eat Well I like pretzels But i really like chips hmm Well How much money do you have there Feh d Oh this is a button Fifty five Sixty five Okay You have seventy five cents So that means you could get anything up in the top row I am totally gonna bang Holly She is cute and helpful And she really seems to me Hey Ryan It's jim look man I don't know what's gotten into you Lately But you know what i really don't care Because you're trying to get rid of me And i bet you think i don't care Enough about this job to actually fight back But you're wrong Because i do And i will so you can keep trying to push me out of this place But guess what i'm not going anywhere Damn it Hello No holly Whoa What are you doing you Don't uh You don't have to do that I mean We have already put together Chairs That's How we buy them Actually Oh trying to just a lumbar support on toy's chair And that made this up down Lever thing not work And then i took the whole chair apart And that here's the story of me on the floor is pretty good right And i'm gonna sell the movie rights And the sequel woman stands at desk and works So i have no idea How you are you sit like that yoga Sit on flora Put together Cherry We will Hyda um Pass curvy metal peace You will So are you in town This weekend Because i'm not I'm not Gonna be in town U going out of town Oh so you can't make my orgy Kidding Ho kidding Actide Actiacting Ha ha ha ha love it Yeah I did it would you do i talk to her Holly and just pleasant trees I think you know Not like do you want kids or religion outside the bed you on Hey I can take either side of the bat This point wow Okay How did not feel it was hard I wanted to kiss her Oh i'm so glad You did Laying a base There you go There's plenty of base Lying left right 哈嘿我靠 耶哈哈哈 Hello Angela phyllis You look like You're gonna Have a heart attack I shredded it Why would you do that gosh I just don't know Why do you think What did you guys do Oh there He is thought He had gone home already Why don't you go home and come back for the party Well we saw to do the exit interview Yes We do i'll let you in on a little secret I've been very much Looking forward to this moment very very much I i have been steeped in anticipation toby Has been cruisin for bruisin for twelve years And i am now his cruise director And my name is captain bruisin Wow It's my god Can i just say that of all The idiots in all the idiot villages in all the idiot worlds You stand alone My friend Hello Hey Hi Good to see you here What you I'm just having a little accident interview Yeah I know that's why i'm here h No No no This is very boring stuff Why don't you take a tour You seen the bailer And no No ui I'll look it later And it's part of my job Ha Okay Um did you need me to take notes papam stay Okay Um all right Well Then i will proceed I just have some questions that i was gonna ask Who do you think you are What toy Yeah Correct What gives What What gives you The right Um i i brought the binder Doing it Take a little look Sure you know what that sounds good I'll take a little look See here we go Thank you What would you improve about dunder Mifflin This pluh one No No no no no I'm not asking it I'm just reading it out loud Oh i'd like to hear the answer Ah well Let me see I want um I asked everything's okay I made it This far right It's a point toby Why don't you open your present No no No No no This hey Hey This might not be What I think uh that I don't even know is in there Because there are a lot of presence in my car And i don't know Which is which suck on this What the hell is that michael That's What do you mean michael That's not even my handwriting Hey What the hell is going on here Who thought it would be hysterical to give toby A rock for his Going away Gift you did no You made me wrap it I thought it was over the line And i just okay You know what that is not What that is that is A psych Psych So that is not my real gift of topiso What is your gift My gift is forthcoming pam What is it I am going to give toby your watch Yes I am How was it How did you know that I just know How did you know Oh that is so sweet Well That's my watch Thanks I'm gonna say It's a costa rica time Hey That's good kid Look look look look look hey It's the tip look Oh my gosh tip Wow Is that the police Yes Well This is what happened uh Ryan's big project was the website Which wasn't doing So well So ryan to give the impression of sales Recorded them Twice once his office sales and once his website sales Which is what we refer to the business as misleading the Shareholders Another good term is fraud the real crime I think was the beard Oh my god Ryan Oh my god I cannot wait to visit ryan in prison I'm gonna wear my hottest tracks suit And get my hair done And then be like hi run And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like d ryan You got a hot ex girlfriend Oh i would never treated her So bad when i was outside of prison Would you do me a favor and connect me to ryan Absolutely Hey ryan It's jim You know what totally disregard that last voicemail Because you obviously have your hands Tied good luck What's protocol on this And normally did nothing I guess Are you Michael are you okay Let me worry about my friend Of course You are just i'm fine It's i'm holding into the together Right I have a business to run No hancool Stop you can let yourself be upset He's your friend You know what i usually find holly is sweet And simple Like a lady baker I would not be surprised to find out that She had worked in a bakery before coming here She is that kind of warmth I'm pretty sure She's baked on a professional level Cool about your house Kevin Take your shoes off first You know whence you grabbed it machine Not sorry Michael I don't think they're real first wheels Pretty cool Though wow Look at our parking Lot who the Is jim gonna propose tonight He is isn't he no He's not is he I was a pretty good company But i just couldn't see a future There they kept hiring from the outside It was easy to get in But impossible to rise up That's what she a lot of places are like that I think it's really cool You hired Kevin Thanks Have it almost Here we go Here We go 回来脸 I like gun That's my car Hey What are you doing Mode what the hell is going on here No nothing you need another details There is a record in the car white Why did you do that it was playful hazing No There was no such thing as playful hazy dwight I want you to look at holly Right now Everybody i want you to look at holly Right now And maybe if you look at her Deeply enough You will see what i see in her And that is that we are all very lucky to have her here Holly is the best thing that has happened to this company Since world war two fifty years She is the best Take care of that all right It's not rabbit Sh bring out Get it out Come on Get it out Get out Really sorry Michael Thank you So much for saying that I feel so welcome here Yeah I Um excuse me Did you see that Did you see it Did you see what wow We uh Well Jan Didn't believe in showing affections So sometimes i don't know how to react when a girl Touches me wow I like it ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hey mrs vance We're all out Hey kid I need you to do me a salad And go buy some more barbecue for us You drive your own car yep This is my car Do you drive your own car yep Just like you Okay Bye bye Kevin I'm really proud of you All right We're here for daryl and his band You know what that's also give a shout out to phyllis for this Awesome party Huh probably the best one that we have ever had right But the real reason that we are here is to say goodbye to a guy Who we will probably never ever see again now a lot of you Know that i am an accomplished songwriter Song Parody writer I have done things like um beers in heaven Classic or total eclipse of the fart um I love to sing them But i am not going to be doing that today I am going to be doing something I wrote specifically for toby Do you know um goodbye Stranger Super trap It was early morning Yesterday I was up before the dawn And i really have enjoyed my stay till We must be moving on I'm gonna miss toby He has a nice Calming presence in the office Goodbye toby has been nice Hope you find your paradise Don't tell him I said this But i always thought it was kind of cute Come to tomorrow Feel no pain Join join go away See up He's got it See up He's got it Oh goby Tme Godby Tme Good body Tme Goby Home Not bad Oh hey Thanks someday I would love to hear fears in heaven Oh okay Yeah Well Action too Soon It's uh It's a very sexual u Sorry Come kevin Where are you I miss my song Buddy Yeah Michael I'm megaris You have to come down here Just pay for it And we'll reuniverse You when you get back No I i brought my money Michael There's something that you need to see What is it just hurry is he okay Yeah He's at the supermarket He needs to make you know the party driving to the supermarket It's a big day for him Yeah That's true Don't move a muscle I will be back Momentarily all right Don't you can drink you finish your drink then I'll okay I'll be back Well It's good to see you It was great to see you Jn Oh okay Oh hello Jail Michael wow Kevin Really wor Sorry We're in the middle of the party is this Why you called me down here Yeah Michael I just uh hi I think you kids have a lot to catch up on Oh okay Yeah Thanks Kevin um Wow I can't believe it Look at you Are you nauseous Do you do you have cravings You never touched my rupeactia or my accutate Did you Good good Thank god Because that's wow I'm so happy I am so deliriously happy Because you're pregnant And because it obviously happened We were together And i am very yeah did And when we were together That's true And but you Are not uh You're not the bad You cheated on me When i specifically asked you not to no I did not I did not cheat on you I did not Okay So it's not mine And it's not somebody else's so i know The whole toilet sea thing is a myth So i went to a permic You did aha When we were going out Oh yeah Well I don't understand you always used to be Very cautious wtwo commons You know you'd rather Have somebody else is burn the mice for me No No no It's not just any sperm Maki mean It's really This is a really really great place It's amazing Actually I'm gonna bring you The catalogue You should look through it It's and in fact It's right next to that little breakfast place that you like in the city Where you can draw on the tables I hope i hope if i was twenty two And i had lots of time to have lots of children And sure Let's let michael have a shot at one of them But honestly i need to make this one count Oh that's really good I feel so much better to get all that out on of the table I'm glad you told me Look i don't know what you're gonna be doing tomorrow But i have my lamas class in allen town and um You could come But i usually you use a foam Noodle Instead of a partner Um all i have to think about it My whole life I have known two things I love sex And i want to have kids And i always thought that those Two things would go hand in hand But now i think it might be one or the other no Oh look they're starting I say to myself a searto love you Well I hope you had fun today Cause you're never ever throwing a party again Never girl like 可是你眼神好执着 Have all the world She belongs to I was waiting for the right time to do this And i i can't think of a better time than right now With the music playing and all our friends around and fireworks going off My parents are here Andrew allen berard Thank you for sharing in this Joyous moment Ms s angela martin Will you please join me on stage Okay Then i will come to you My flower Damn it Angela Will you do me the honor of giving me your tiny Hand in marriage Into the masweetie I said okay She said yes And the crowd goes wild wow I've been carrying that Ring around in my wallet for six years Because you don't know when you're gonna Meet the right girl And the moment's gonna be right And tonight with the fireworks and the music and everything it was right Can i be a budget No Well It's my own fault 啊tuna日子 Ah i'm engaged I thought It's awesome man It's great Mr andrew bernard It's got a nice ring to it Okay Hey You know I just realized uh I don't have a picture of the two of us Oh yeah Um yeah Could we sure there it It's define Oh let's do it again Panda smile is weird It's digital So just take as much As you want And catching Dear to great And one two three I don't know I just i really thought jim was gonna propose tonight Hey there hey So you missed something Really big Yeah Andy proposed to one of our countants Oh wow I mean That's so specific Because i can be on my first day Well I can see andy proposing to angelo e I can also see him proposing to oscar So you know somehow after all those ribs I'm still really hungry um I was thinking Maybe going off campus Somewhere And getting some dessert Oh um Well You know what you should go to the glider diner Assaintly about that practically lives her Okay I'll go to the diner with you Oh that would be great We can go eat pie I love pie too Okay Have a good night bye Yeah It was a good day I mean first days are always the hardest right Why should go I got a buckle them in Well This is it I'm here to see you off Thanks it Really Michael Sorry Corporate policy It's not you might take something I don't think he's gonna Take anything Okay Security guard That's some kind of learn Okay Hi jn It's michael I just um I just want to let you know that I'm going to go to your lamas class Tomorrow um And if there's any details You need to fill me in on Like What exactly The mas is that would be great And i will see you tomorrow morning I am going to be kind of a daddy Party planning are a high Like a runner's high

办公室第五季1-13

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办公室第五季14-26

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办公室第六季1-12

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办公室第六季13-24

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办公室第七季1-13

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办公室第七季14-25

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办公室第八季1-12

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办公室第八季13-24

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办公室第九季1-12

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